4 Tantric Sex Practices To Unlock Bedroom Potential & Connect with Your Partner
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Transcript
In this episode, I will share 5 practices and approaches to transform your sexual mastery. So if you want to incorporate tantra into your intimacy or become a better lover, this episode will be an amazing place to start.
Because these are really practical training tips to enhance the way you make love, connect and experience pleasure. Men have a sexual magic and power, and I want you to be able to tap into that.
And if you are a woman tuning in, this is also a great place to be so that you can understand male sexuality, what they are exploring when in an intimate experience and may be a great way for you to help your man become a stronger lover. I think such emphasis is placed on men figuring out women in sex, and there is equal value in women exploring men. In my exploration and education around men, I have also learned SO much about myself and how I engage in relationships and with men in general. So my hope is, this episode, and really this show will be wildly supportive for you too.
Like anything we really care about, becoming a masterful lover takes effort and time. I haven’t found anyone who just woke up one day and was this insanely masterful love making machine where pleasure is just shooting out of his finger tips and he send women into the cosmos when they come. No. It takes intentionality. It takes time and focus.
I think if anyone is telling you it can happen overnight, I would get really curious about what they are really doing and sharing.
And even if it could, If you are anything like me…that wouldn’t feel as good, it wouldn’t mean as much. And part of the magic of these practices is that they slowly open you up not only to pleasure and others, but also to yourself. Time is such a key element of this work.
To truly understand the system of tantric practices, it takes time and a willingness to practice.
If you are wanting to transition to more of a sacred experience in your sexuality, it will take some effort..You might be wondering, Why would I take something that is easy and feels really good and make it hard? If it isn’t broken why fix it?
Well, we aren’t necessarily trying to fix something that is broken, we are trying to take something great and make it EVEN better.
I recently starting playing beach volleyball. You’re like, what does that have to do with sex. Well a lot. So when you start out doing a new sport its really easy to just want to jump in and start playing. But that usually doesnt’ end well. I didn’t know how to serve, or set a ball, I had no idea the rules of the game. It would just go poorly. It was really overwhelming. And as a competitive athlete, this just would NOT do.
So I started practice small simple skills…on repeat, over and over. I started to train for the sport, before I began to play it. The same is true for tantric sex.
So this is going to be your sexual training.
Before we get into these 5 practices, I want to share one more piece on WHY you want to do this. Even if tantric sex isnt important, you just want better sex…this is for you. There is this concept often talked about is sexual conversations and education about a person being used as a masturbation tool. So this could look like men hooking up with people for the sake of getting off. (And it can be women too) this can even happen within committed partnerships, not just hook up dating culture.
This isn’t saying this makes someone a bad person, it typically means there is simply not knowing any differently. A lot of times is you grow up watching porn, or using movies as education around sex, you likely developed patterns that mimic this or perhaps this style of sex is something that is what you thought the other person wanted. AND if this is resonating at all, know that women may THINK it is supposed to be what they want too because they also have grown up being educated a specific way. What a cluster F.
If you penetrate too hard, or too fast… you’ll end up pushing a woman to close off, emotionally and physically. Literally, if a woman is not fully aroused when you penetrate her with your fingers, cock or dildo her body is going to tighten up. Tension develops in her and that is not only a poor experience for her, but also for you. You wont get to experience sex with a fully opened and surrendered woman.
I don’t want this for you. I want you to be that freakin magic gene, blowing her mind. So lets get into it…
Here are 4 practices to enhance your confidence and sexual mastery. I would recommend that you set aside 10-15 minutes everyday, or maybe twice a week, whatever you can do. And use this as the beginning of your sexual training.
Technique 1: Breathing
There are SO many different ways to breathe and integrate breathwork into your masturbation practice or coupled sex.
When I work with clients, I go way deeper into breathwork practices. But to get started, here is a powerful breath that you can incorporate right now.
Deepen your breath while you touch yourself or connect with your partner. Go deeper, slower and breathe into the depth of your belly. This transitions you from a sympathetic state into a parasympathetic state. By slowing the breath WAY down and deepening the breath, you are relaxing your body and opening your heart up.
Breath is the number one technique to slow down going into ejaculation.
Shift your nervous system from excitation (which triggers ejaculatory reflex) into a deeper state of parasympathetic relaxation.
Your lover will appreciate being with someone who is present, calm and moving through pleasure with them in a state of control.
Inhale slowly through your nose, into the depth of your belly.
Exhale from your mouth.
This moves you out of your head and into your body. You are shifting not only your mind but also your nervous system into a more primal state.
During all of the following techniques, if you want to step them up a level…use this breath. Inhaling slowly through your nose, into your belly and exhaling out from your mouth.
I think one thing to notice is that most sex education comes from porn and whats interesting about porn is that the men are often quite silent, especially in comparison to the women. And that often leads men to quite their tone and often have a more shallow breathe. (the same is true for women…they are breathing really shallow). This shallow, short breathe will increase your speed and energy and lead to orgasm sooner and also a more shallow orgasmic sensation.
Technique 2: Working out Your Pelvic Floor
You may have heard of women doing kegel exercises (where you squeeze as though you are trying not to pee) And men can also do kegel exercises as well. I am going to share a slightly varied version of this type of exercise.
Focusing on the perinium- between the base of your cock, testicles, and anus.
Actually squeeze your perinium.
Sit in a chair and touch this part of our body. Squeeze and release. You want to touch yourself, because most men will actually squeeze all the parts of your body around your perinium…whether thats your anus, or your inner thighs. (When i do kegels it has taken me a lot of intentional practice to only squeeze my kegel muscles, not my anus)
This is great for a few reasons:
because it strengths your pelvic floor.
And it shifts your minds focus. Instead of drifting into a fantasy or focusing on another part of the body you begin to become incredibly present within your sensations, actions and build presence to where your mind is sending attention. By focusing on a single part of your body, you are activating a deeper sense of presence within yourself.
Athletes build a strong connection to what they are doing as they are doing it.
Fantasy and pornography shift your attention into a fantasy realm, leaving the present behind.
This practice retrains your mind to bring awareness back to the body.
It enhances sensations and, over time will help you prolong ejaculation and build
To do this pracitce you are going to Hold/squeeze for a count of 3. Release.
You can also do it on your knees with one hand holding you up and one hand touching your perineum. This is more advanced, but it will help you to build physicality and awareness in a more sexual position. In time, you can add in a thrusting motion with the squeezing and releasing.
On the release truly relax your entire pelvic floor.
Here’s the thing, You need both strength and softness. Many women actually have incredibly rigid pelvic floors, making it harder for them to experience sensations. I have actually learned to do exercises and stretches to soften the pelvic floor, while also strengthening the muscles for stronger orgasms and contractions. Our hips are where we tend to store trauma and stress so really exhaling into the release and letting go.
Ensuring you do a full release also really helps ensure that each squeeze adn contraction is activating the right part of your body. If any of you do weight training you may notice that the touch and go of a deadlift it much easier that doing one single rep at a time with a full pause when the weight toches the ground. The same is true here. So really release and relax.
This is truly a foundational exercise for more advanced practices. It might sound boring, but staying with the athlete analogy. You don’t just jump into that game, this is like standing on the free throw and shooting the basket over and over and over.
Technique 3: Edging
Begin to stroke your cock.
Begin to build up the pleasure. On a scale of 1-10, build it to a level 8. Once you hit that level 8 of pleasure. Slow WAY down. Take those deep parasympathetic breaths (in your nose and out of your mouth). Once
Instead of going from turn-on straight to climax…you are building your turn-on in waves.
Neural pathways have been built around the way that you reach ejaculation. Similar to mindset coaches talking about how your thoughts and beliefs have neural pathways created that build these super highways. The same is true for you how reach a climax. If you have the same set pattern visual cues, stroke speed and pressure you will build a strong neural pathway that leads straight to climax.
You have basically built an autobahn freeway from your garage to your orgasmic destination. And by incorporarting eding into your practice you will begin to take the more scenic route. You’ll be able to enjoy the winding roads, roll the windows down and smell the fresh air. When you are in that fast lane, its really hard to get off and merge over to the slower traffic. So you want to start building new pathways to the same destination.
Not only do you want to focus on the rise and fall of your pleasure scale but spend time here playing around with different ways of stroking yourself. Perhaps different speeds, intensities and pressures. The more you incorporate variety into masturbation and training the more alive you will be in a sexual experience with a partner.
Your body and brain like to do what is know.
Most men are touching themselves super hard fast, watching porn and moving to a climactic state really quickly. Part of this may be a result of the condition you experienced as a young boy when touching yourself. It was likely a secret, something you hid, and you did it quickly and quietly so no one in your house would know.
If you want to last a really long time, if you want to really satisfy your partner in super deep ways. The trick of mother nature is that it can actually take up for 45 minutes for a woman to be fully aroused and in a peak orgasmic state and open fully.
So if your body has been conditioned to come in 2-3 minutes really hard and fast, makes it challenging to turn around and have sexual connections that last longer and have the capacity for really connected intimacy
Habits can change. If you want to create a new of experience sexual turn on a pleausre.
Edging helps you be multi-orgasmic. And it is also the foundation way to separate orgasm from ejaculation. Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate phenomenons in your body.
Orgasm comes from your brain. Ejaculation comes from spinal control center, referred to as a spinal ejaculation generator.
If you want to last the full 45 minutes to bring your partner to her peak pleasure, you’ll want to prepare for
Perhaps you can last longer, but in order to do so you have to mentally leave the moment…you have to think about your grandmother cooking pasta or the last baseball game you watched on TV. that is NOT a way to have deeply connected, fully alive and primal sex. You are shifting away from the experience.
One of the biggest complaints with women is feeling like their partner is present with them. And perhaps that is because you are not being present in order to last longer for her…but ultimately it leaves her feeling disconnected. And i’ll say this, when your partner disconnects and feels alone during sex it is REALLY hard to orgasm from that space.
So use edging as a tool to remain present during sex and know in that presence that you can control your level of pleasure exactly the way you desire. Sex from this place is FAR more amazing and magical.
Note for the female listeners: try different positions during self pleasure
Technique 4: Moving pleasure up and in
So often, the impulse is to move your pleasure down and out of your body. So the pleasure is sending down through your cock and literally out of your body into via ejaculation.
As you become turned on begin to feel your pleasure and turn on…usually in your cock and the tip of your penis. Instead of being turned on and pushing that pleasure out. Take the pleasure up and in.
As you inhale, slow and deep really feel the pleasure pulling up and in. Take that rush of pleasure that is living within your cock and move it throughout your body.
When you do the pelvic floor squeeze, you’ll want to do this as well. So as you squeeze pull the sensation up and in to your body.
I love to move energy and pleasure up through the chakras (from the base (your perinium) up through your belly, chest, throat, third eye and into the crown of your head)
When you are doing the edging practice, you can do intentional movement when you get to an 8 or a 9 in pleasure. So building to that 8 or 9, and then pulling the pleasure up and in your body and then softening down to a 5.
Why do this…You can delay ejaculation. Because the pleasure isn’t isolated in your cock. By moving the pleasure up and through your body you are able to soften that sensation of “omg im going to explode”
Invites in the possibility for full body orgasm. Because you disseminating the pleasure to the entirety of your body, you are creating space for every molecule of your being to experience an orgasmic state.
Orgasm with your partner. By moving pleasure throughout your entire body, you are able to train your body
Imagine that your pleasure and turn on is like fire. And instead of it collecting in your cock or the head of your penis, imagine in your mind that this pleasure is moving throughout your entire body and envision the fire moving up and into your body.
As you incorporate this practice with the edging and the breath, you will begin to find that the pleasure you feel during ejaculation and orgasm is able to be experienced through the entirety of your sexual experience, not just in that peak moment.
These are only 4 practices, and I am going to be sharing more in the coming episodes. But I really think these techniques are a foundation you can begin to lay down for yourself to really shift out of your previous conditioning and into a heightened state of sexual capacity.
Tantric practices do get far more intricate and juicy, but unless you have these skill really mastered, it become much harder to move forward.
This kind of fucking doesnt just change what happens in your bedroom it will revolutize who you are. Think about it for a moment…when you can show up in your sexual life with confidence, power and control and the capacity to be both present and immersed fully in the sensations at hand how you show up in your daily life will change.
Set that timer, block your calendar. You have work to do. Start with your breath, the pelvic floor exercise, the edging and pulling pleasure up and in. When you can be in your heart, soul, and body with yourself and someone you care about deeply…there is nothing else more magical. I want this for you so badly!
Lets get after it.