5 Ways To Get Your Girl To Always Orgasm During Sex
Sleeping with someone who struggles to orgasm?
In this episode, Kirsten discusses the common issue of women struggling to orgasm and provides practical advice for men to sexually satisfy their partners- with or without a climax.
Whether you are tired of not fully pleasing your girl and want guidance or are looking for ways to make sex better no matter what…this episode is for you. Kirsten shares exact scripts for how you can communicate about orgasming, reasons why climax might be hard for her, and how you can adjust your sex goals and feel amazing.
Key Topics:
The pressure to orgasm
Moving away from the goal of orgasm to have epic sex.
Spontaneous versus responsive arousal.
How to communicate about struggling to orgasm without it being uncomfortable.
Releasing the responsibility to make a woman climax.
Boost your next naked moment!
Visit thenakedconnection.com/foria and try the Intimacy Massage Oil with CBD to intensify you and your partner’s arousal and pleasure.
Podcast Transcript
[00:00:00] This episode, we are going to cover what you can do. If you're sleeping with a woman who struggles to orgasm. All right, you guys welcome back. To the naked connection. This is the show that supports driven men to build deeper connections and have better communication and sex. It's me Kiersten. And I'm on a mission to create a world where everyone is having epic sex and experiencing and deep. Connections and that's right today is all about. Big.
Oh baby. We are going all the way today. Not just you, not just me, but that fantastic woman that you want to pleasure. And so many of you amazing guys have reached out and asked questions about how to please your partner better, how to make. The woman that you're with. Orgasm more frequently or orgasm just in general.
And I think that is so awesome. But. Here's the thing. Sometimes good intentions turns our right there is this overwhelming [00:01:00] desire that you have to make a girl reach climax. And that can actually. And make her less likely to climax.
And that can be stressful for her. It can feel like. You know, it's like having someone standing over your shoulder while you're trying to do long division. Who without a calculator. And not only that, but you have to do it as fast as humanly possible. And if you don't solve the problem fast enough, they're going to find your grandmother and kidnap her. And keeper, right?
Like you were under crunch time. You're panicked. You can't concentrate because the stakes are so high and you feel that pressure and you lose.
That, that is what she probably feels like. So what can you do? I am about to share. Five different ways to address the dynamic. When your girl can climax.
All right. You guys. Let's get some.
[00:02:00]
So let's start with this. The very last thing that a girl who is struggling to orgasm wants. As for you to ask her.
How can I make you come? You're in the middle of sex. And that's the question that you ask and she's already struggling. Let's scratch that strategy. You might think that it's nice and caring and that's a beautiful intention and a place to come from. But what it's actually doing is putting her so far into her head. That [00:03:00] she probably and forgets that she has a body let alone a clit or a pussy.
Okay. And. When asked that question. Pulling her into her head. She's having some kind of an internal dialogue, oh my gosh, how do I respond? What do I say to him? I don't even know how to answer this question because honestly, if I did, I would have already told him more. I would have done what I needed to do to get there.
And this spirals into a process of thoughts, I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I come on my God, this is so embarrassing. Why does this always happen? It feels so good. Why can't that just be enough? I, now I just want this to end. How can I make him come sooner? This just needs to stop.
And. You have this really beautiful intention of asking her this question? And that's, what's the result of it. And. Yeah. It's meanwhile, you this amazing man. Is over there inside of your head, wondering what to do next. It's truly a lose lose for everybody.
Like scratch. The what will make you come? Are you [00:04:00] almost there? That's another one. Are you almost there? It's like, Whoa. We're not on a road trip losing our shit. Like we're going to get there when we get there. Instead, perhaps asking questions like. What would make this feel even better? Or how can we enjoy this moment even more?
How can I make you feel better? Like releasing the verbiage and the wording around orgasming and climaxing. Like, how can I make you feel better? Maybe? Something like that is going to. Increase. The experience without putting that pressure on the goal. That gets both of you away from that orgasm goal situation.
And it gets you into the state of feeling really good right now. This reframe is also going to help the girl too. She can more easily answer the question of what would feel even better or just what feels good in general. It's easier to say oh, the way you're touching me right now feels really good as opposed to, oh, do [00:05:00] X, Y, and Z.
So that in 17 seconds I can have an orgasm, you know?
Because while she might not know if there's something specific that's going to get her off or not.
The chances are higher that she will be able to know what will make her feel a little bit better. And, you know, maybe that means switching positions, maybe that means pulling on her hair. They be, that means. Shifting to the left and moving in a different motion with your hips, whatever it is. Inviting in a small transition to that question is going to open up a lot more possibilities to what could feel really good for her. And then kind of just touched on this, but let's ditch the idea of making orgasming, the goal. Because here's the deal. All right.
You guys, sex feels good. Whether you're climaxing or not. And I'm sure you can even attest to this, that. Of course having an orgasm is amazing and also the entire time that you're having sex, [00:06:00] it feels great. I just want to ask you this. Just pause for a moment and think about this. I bet you anything, that there is a time when you didn't come for whatever reason. But the sex still felt really good.
You know, It's like going on a hike. And not reaching the peak, you know, you can still enjoy the trail. Or. I mean, let's say hiking, isn't your jam. It's like going to a concert and deciding to leave before the Encore. Sure. The show is amazing. And guess what? You got to skip the draft pick.
You got to leave before. One was leaving with you. You ditch the crowds. I used a lot of great time. Maybe you didn't hear that one song. Based on a great time. You wouldn't leave that experience in me. Damn. That was a such a shitty night. No, you would be like, oh, that was amazing. That concert was so great.
So you get the picture. I think one of the best pieces of advice in this space is to actually just take orgasm off the table. And make it [00:07:00] known. Here is a good way to say this. So you can try this. Tell her not to come. When it's really hot and she's really enjoying herself. And if she comes great, but if not, when she doesn't come say something like, depending on your style, you could be like,
That's my girl.
I love it. When you do what I say. And then give her a soft, loving kiss. Right now. That might be too much dirty talk. You're like, I don't want to tell her what to do. I don't want to say those things or not, but it's a great way to make her feel okay. About not orgasming and making the moment still feel really sexy.
That's a sexy moment. That's a hot moment. That's a connected moment. In that intimate encounter. And if you want to have more of a full blown conversation outside of a sexual experience in that moment, there's this book called. She comes first and at the offer. He shares a bunch of ideas to take orgasm fully off the table for awhile. So say for two weeks. If you have a partner and you decide [00:08:00] to say that. Climaxing is not going to be a priority that it won't be a goal or something that you both are trying to reach. When you have sex instead.
Spend time exploring what feels good. You know, this could be massage. It could be touching. It could be toys talking cuddling. Role-play literally anything that creates excitement and pleasure. Not necessarily orgasm. And if you feel lost with this directional share this, if not having a goal is really you walk into that situation.
You're like, I really don't even know what to do with myself now because I don't have something to focus on. I love being able to offer this as a, as an alternative. Sending a totally different goal, creating a new focus, creating a new goal. So. Goal could be something like. Your goal is to become accessed with making each other feel amazing.
That's your goal? How can I bring. All of my partner's senses alive. That's your goal, or maybe your goal is to have as much fun as possible during sex, or maybe the [00:09:00] goal is to work on feeling as close and connected as possible. Another goal could be to try something new with each other each time that you have an intimate experience. Or, you know, maybe the goal could be to make her feel as safe as possible.
So if that's the case, let's say that you have a conversation with your partner and she's Hey, you know, like sometimes I just don't really feel safe and that would be really helpful for me. You say, Hey, my goal for the next two weeks is every single time that we're intimate together. I'm focused on creating a sense of safety with you.
And that is my main focus. That's my goal. And the really awesome thing about this is that. I kid you not. First of all, when you release that goal, you soften the tension around it, which makes it easier to attain. And also all of the things that, that we just talked about, all of these alternative goals and focuses. Those are the things that are going to help. Make orgasmic more possible. So in some backwards twisted ass way, it's actually [00:10:00] leading you towards the goal that you now no longer have.
Think about that for just a sec. Now sometimes. Not being able to orgasm is really about the fact that. She is simply not ready yet. You know, and the majority of women fall under the responsive arousal category, meaning that they become aroused. After intimacy is initiated. They don't become aroused. And then desire intimacy.
So that's, what's called spontaneous arousal. And get something like 85% of men. Have primarily spontaneous arousal and only 15% of women have spontaneous arousal. The majority of us have a responsive arousal system. Knowing this information. Create a responsive environment for her. And this can look like. Really starting early. Sending a sexy text message lightly touching her arm or her Thyer her neck during dinner. Smiling at her in a really caring and loving [00:11:00] way. Doing whatever she needs to feel desired. To feel.
The opportunity to respond. This is like preheating the pilot light. I don't even know if that's a thing, but if it was, this is what it would be because we're not even preheating the oven and not beautiful analogy. We're trying to turn on the pilot light to start preheating the oven. So doing these things to prepare for the preparation we're preparing to prepare.
Okay. You guys. And once you've prepared to prepare no, this.
This is. Reality is that the majority of women can take up to 30 sometimes even 40 minutes to be fully turned on. Physiologically. So once you get into the bedroom, once you get into that intimate experience, resist the urge to just go for it, right? Explore. All of her for awhile, have her explore you for awhile. Enjoy the experience of all of the foreplay as well. And really, [00:12:00] no, this is what's really crazy about this is that. Physiologically. When a woman is fully aroused. When you give that 30, maybe 40 minutes.
Her body actually shifts
her cervix will be in a different place physically in her body. She'll likely be wetter, more encouraged, more blood will be flowing. She'll be more sensitive. The more time that you give for all of the. All of the blood to flow into all of the little nooks and crannies
within her vagina with, within her pussy. It's going to feel better for you too, and she's going to be way more responsive for you. So it makes all of the sex significantly better. Which like, come on, we want that you guys, we want that. And so do this. Maybe start light. Start everywhere except for her buzzy.
And in time, I promise you. You will make her beg for you. [00:13:00] Honestly, it will happen if you hold out and if you don't push so fast, if you. Explore all of these parts of her. She's going to be beside herself. In wanting you, she's not going to be able to wait any longer. And when that happens, it's going to be. Amazing. And this doesn't have to be some slow. We're listening to Sarah McLaughlin and John Mayer and there's candles. And it's like all mushy gushy, the notebooks playing in the background.
No, like you can enjoy this time and a really alive sort of way. It doesn't have to just be like soft and delicate. It can be all of the things. Just honoring and knowing that. Creating that buildup and creating that time is going to make the intimacy so much better. And it's going to actually physiologically make her more likely to be able to reach an orgasm. And. Sometimes I'll say this not being able to orgasm is really [00:14:00] simply a part of the person not having explored of all of what is possible for them yet, you know, maybe. Maybe she hasn't. I had the experience of. Exploring different styles of sacks, of trying different positions that might actually be more supportive for her. So use this as an opportunity to really try different things. Some women can only get off on top some only early in the morning. Have fun, figuring out what different sexual experiences feel the best. It's like an experiment. And maybe I just geek out on that, but I think it's really awesome. And. You want to share this?
There's some pretty interesting science out there, for example women, basically 25 or younger are more likely to get SDIs because they're biologically not fully developed and their cervix is not fully developed. And you know, even understanding that at that point in life, I had 25 years old that. Your partner, if she falls into that age range. Might not even be [00:15:00] fully. Developed sexually. Which is like really wild to think about.
So just taking into account that there are all of these different things and all of these different contributing factors that may or may not be leading to. Struggling to orgasm and. You know,
I'll share this because I know that there are amazing women that also listened to this show. And if you're a girl listening, or if you're, you know, As a guy struggling with this yourself, you can always be.
Upfront. And set the expectations beforehand so that when you are in an intimate experience, that doesn't feel really uncomfortable when you're in the mix, because sometimes. You know, having to have that conversation or having to communicate to someone like, Hey this is feeling really good, but I'm not going to be able to orgasm, like while you're in the middle of sacks, that can be really uncomfortable.
Here's a couple of things that you can say, right? If you're a girl and you know that this is something you struggle with and you have a new partner. You could say, Hey, you know, it's. I'm really excited to [00:16:00] be with you. I want you to know that. It's hard for me to orgasm with the new partners.
I just wanted to share that it might not happen right away, but I'm really, I really have been enjoying spending time with you or, you know, Maybe you could say like something similar to that Hey, you know, it's hard for me to orgasm with a new partner and I wanted you to know that it might not always happen, but oh my God, I have been loving the way that you've been kissing me.
And I just want you to know that I really enjoy when I get to be on top during sex. That's my favorite position. I can't wait, whatever right. Or.
If you're a guy and you want to kind of broach the topic. You can share, Hey you know, I recognize that orgasming doesn't seem to be really easy for you. And I just want you to know that. I want to make you feel as good as possible. And whatever that looks like I'm here to hear it. And I. I love being intimate with you.
I think that you are so sexy and so hot and [00:17:00] I'm so happy to be here with you and I want to make you feel good. However that looks. Sometimes naming it. It changes everything. It takes that charge. It takes that giant elephant out of the rooms. So now you can actually have sex because the elephant was sitting on the bed before.
Look, here's the thing. I want to make this super loud and clear. The fact that she can't come is by no means in any way, shape or form tied to your worth as a man. So don't be that dude who thinks that he's horrible and bad simply because a girl that who has never orgasm before can't orgasm with him. Okay. Don't take it personally.
There are a ton of possible reasons why someone might not be able to orgasm that have really nothing to do with their partner. And yeah, this is you can be because of a partner's technique or the dynamics between the two of you. And that's okay. There's always going to be a learning curve when you're figuring out how to please a new partner.
And the important thing is just. To really be receptive to feedback. And know that she [00:18:00] likely has her own blocks, whether it means that she's never explored herself sexually, or she has intimacy struggles, or she feels a sense of shame about her body or being sexual, whatever it is. That is not a reflection of you. So I am really asking you to not go there for yourself. And plus.
This girl is probably so stressed as it is reassuring. He reassuring you that you aren't, the problem is just going to be another item that she'll have to check off the list for reasons why sex is stressful. So she does not have time for that. Okay. And look . If you're asking yourself, how can I help her? You are already doing something right?
You care. You want to have great sex, you want to make her feel good and not alone is more than enough. Happy orgasming my friend. I hope that this has been helpful. Take a moment. Maybe even share this episode with your girl broach, the subject. Have [00:19:00] conversations about orgasming, have all of the funding get after it. Until next time. Let's get some.