Become the Best Partner You Can Be
Here is your moment to connect with former NFL football player (turned relationship and love coach) Bret Lockett.
Bret candidly discusses the heartbreak of his first love…football, and his transition to becoming a relationship and love coach. Bret and Kirsten explore the importance of self-discovery, understanding one's connection to the universe, and letting go of ego. Brett also brings attention to societal expectations, dating dynamics, and the power of vulnerability being a key to successful relationships.
Whether you are in a relationship wanting things to be better, or you are single and looking for ways to prepare yourself for love, this episode is for you. Let’s get some!
Resources:
The Power of the Subconscious Mind
Key Topics:
The impact of identity and ego on relationship with self.
How to allow trust and surrender into your life.
The process of embracing love as a masculine man.
The misconceptions men have about women, and vice-versa.
Steps to become more vulnerable in relationships and your life.
The key to a woman's heart
Connect with Bret Lockett:
https://www.instagram.com/bret_lockett/?hl=en
Apply to work with Bret: HERE
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Show Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome back to the naked connection. This is the show that supports driven men to build deeper connections and have better communication and sex. What's up, you guys it's Kiersten. And in this episode, You are going to figure out how to become the best. Freaking partner, you can be. And. This isn't some quick fix gimmicky tool or some morning journal prompt that I'm going to give it to, you know, a lot of. Being an amazing partner and having an incredible relationship, having epic sex, it's really about understanding three key things. And we're going to get into them today. By the end of this episode, you will be able to make different choices to take different actions and to experience. Ooh. Hell of a lot more.
To have this conversation. We have a former NFL football player on the show.
Brett Lockett. Played for the NFL, for the Patriots and the jets. And [00:01:00] believe it or not, when he left the football field. He went on to become a relationship and a love coach for a woman. I don't really know if there's a larger group of it than the hot. Going from the NFL to working with women in love and, I think it really speaks to who brought his as, as an individual, he is such an incredible man, such an accomplished athlete and an individual.
And he also has the depth of understanding. Women. And relationships, and I cannot wait for you to experience and explore all of this with him so that you can be the best partner that you want to be. With most importantly, the person that you want to be with. You guys. Let's get some. [00:02:00]
Kirsten Trammell: Brett, welcome to the Naked Connection. So excited to have you here today.
Bret Lockett: Kirsten, it's great to be here. I know we we connected and, you know, we had a deep conversation about the things we're going to talk about today, so I'm happy to be here.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. I would love to start first. I'm sure you get asked this question all the time, but how does someone go from being an NFL player to becoming a relationship? And a love coach. How did that happen? Can you walk us through that change?
Bret Lockett: It's a journey just like anything else, right? How do you go from one thing to the next? I think it's just multiple [00:03:00] steps, small little baby steps of discovery, of uncovering, of realizing who you truly are. And I think that's the biggest reason why we're all here. It's to understand who we are and not your name, not your family, but who you are to the universe.
And when you start to learn that's when you start to fall in alignment with everything that's meant for you. And you start to fall back into the flow of what I like to call the synchronicity of the universe, right? Because there's. The thing that we don't realize is that the universe has already choreographed what this is supposed to look like and when we Start to see ourselves outside and separate from everybody else.
That's when we start to fall out of sync With that dance, if you will, of the universe, right? We all have a specific place, time, where we're supposed to be. And some of the stars, some of our story is already written and it's our job to discover ourselves to rewrite [00:04:00] the rest of the story or finish the rest of the story.
I should say
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, that's really eloquently stated. And I was not a professional athlete, but I was a college athlete. And after leaving that space, I think for a lot of people, that's such an identity that we carry. And so walking away from that can feel Like, who, truly, who are we now without that space? So how did you start to figure out who you are?
Bret Lockett: identity is the death of awakening your soul, right? The identity that you have, the ego that you have. The thoughts that you have tied to who you think you are is really where you start and it's this Esoteric kind of you know paradox, but there's no way for you to become the person You need to be with an ego and for me, I was just like you, you know my whole life was sports everything was [00:05:00] wrapped into my identity of football and it was My being it gave me my strength.
It gave me my confidence. It gave me my power and A lot of that started at a very young age because I was bullied. So from the ages of really like sixth grade, so like 12 to college, I was bullied, suspended from school, a bunch of times getting in fights, just very hard to fit in. And I never really felt like I fit in and I'm sure that there's some, somebody listening to this, maybe even you, that was like, I felt, I didn't feel like I really fit in with everybody and, sports for me was that outlet to allow me one to fit in with the team, but also to give me that confidence that.
I actually belonged, right? I actually had something I was great at. I can be better in people. It gave me that, that level of competition, you know, it's just innate in me. I love to compete, but it also gave me the sense of belonging and self confidence. And I wrote that wave and, you know, what gets you to specific places in life will not keep you [00:06:00] in specific places once you get there.
And the things that get you there may also not be the characteristics or traits or things that you need to be able to advance you to the next phase. And so for me, my ego was, I was an animal on the football field and, you know, I could be an animal off the football field, but that's what allowed me to get to the NFL.
And it was rooted in a deep sense of insecurity. And and really that insecurity was not being enough. I had to prove to myself that I was enough and football gave me that. So when I got to the NFL, it was this great quest that I had accomplished. But once I got there, it was like I want to be the guy.
And so when I'm in the locker room and, you know, Tom Brady's getting interviewed and Wes Walker's getting interviewed, I'm like how come I'm not getting interviewed? And I wanted that. And so I started to try to do things that were outside of necessarily just playing football and being the best football player I could be to create this level of [00:07:00] I'm the man.
And so that, that sense of insecurity was really one, I think one main thing that kind of drove me out of the NFL. And then from that, you know, we have these two sides to us that I like to talk about where, , with any, shadow, and when I say shadow, I'm talking about. Some of the challenges that we deal with in life, right?
So some of the things that we know we sometimes maybe have a big problem with and we tend to either we can acknowledge you or we can't acknowledge it. But when you acknowledge it, it allows you to bring further awareness to it. When you don't acknowledge it, you either suppress it or you have a reactive side where you react.
And so for me, I was reacting in a specific way because I was repressing the fear of not being enough. And so it comes out in specific ways. And for, you know, when I look back at my journey, it's if I knew what I knew now, I'd probably still be playing football, but it wouldn't have gotten me to where I'm at today, which is what my true purpose is, which is being able to help people in the vein that I'm currently doing it.
I know it's a lot said, but [00:08:00] it's all kind of culminated, you know, to where once I got done playing, I had, you know, and I played for the Patriots for three years and then played for the Jets for a year, and they let me go in 2013, and that's when I had to figure out my life, right? I didn't, have this glorious, NFL career you know, some of the big players that we see where you get to retire and you get to tell the team, Hey, I'm done.
It was like, no, Brett, we're not signing you or Hey, Brett, bring in your playbook. You know, we're going to let you go. And then I have to figure it out, and the best thing that I was, or the thing that I was the best at in my life, I no longer really had access to. And it was also the thing that caused the most pain because for a very long time, I didn't.
want to play football. I didn't want to watch football. I didn't even want to talk about football. It was very hard to talk about because it felt like I didn't have the career that I expected to have. And that's, another thing that , we can talk about is expectations. on what we think things are [00:09:00] supposed to be.
And that's also another distrust of life, right? Of the universe, because everything is exactly how it's supposed to be. Otherwise, it wouldn't be that way. So once I got out was really the true journey of self discovery it forced me to identify and recreate the next version of myself and what I was going to become.
Kirsten Trammell: Wow. Yeah. There's so much in that story and experience. I think it's either incredibly relatable for people or really inspiring. And you mentioned taking actions out of this insecurity. And I often have heard, we are either make choices out of pain or love, or we're either running towards something or away from something.
And I guess now. Instead of making choices out of that insecurity or that desire to be enough, where are you making choices from?
Bret Lockett: Trust, trust, which is rooted in love. [00:10:00] Because you can either make choices from trust or you can make choices from fear, right? One propels you the other one breaks you and it may not break you right away, but it will break you Eventually along the way and you got to understand that trust is really rooted in the feminine, right?
That's when you really understand the dynamics of a relationship Trust is rooted in the feminine because it is The surrender, it's the surrender to life, right? Because if I trust, I truly trust and I completely let go. And, you know, I know we're going to get into relationships in a little bit, but when you truly trust that's that surrender allows the relationship to be exactly what it's supposed to be, because without it, there's no way for the feminine to be able to flourish.
You know, so it's allowing trust and grace to move through you. And part of that is you understanding that life will always unfold how it's [00:11:00] supposed to for you. You always have exactly what you need when you need it.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Looking back, that's always true. Yeah, definitely. And totally. And thinking about relationships as you're sharing this story with football, I mean, That feels so representative of a relationship with another person, you know, we come in with these expectations. We think that it's going to give us that this person or this relationship is going to give us something and it doesn't.
And that's disappointing. And then we're lost. So it's really interesting that you had this experience with, you know, kind of a lot of people say like with their first love, like their sport is their love in some weird way, you know,
Bret Lockett: our love. Yeah.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. And so having that experience and then moving forward in relationships with others, , how have you taken that into your work now?
Bret Lockett: First of all, I had to get over my first love. Which was football. me. And that was the worst breakup I think I've ever [00:12:00] had. You know, you could talk about relationships with partners, but that was the biggest relationship I had. And that took me, gosh, a good five, six years to really move through.
And I really didn't move through it until I started to have. My spiritual awakening, if you will. And when I say spiritual awakening, I just mean opening myself up to the universe in a way that I didn't know existed. And that was the moment where I started to understand why I went through what I went through and how to solve the challenges that I went through.
And it really wasn't until I started to do breath work that It awakened me to these deep inner one fear, but two deep inner knowing of, you know, that I am more and then allowed me to move through this fact of not being enough and not having the NFL career that I thought I should have, and I know athletically and physically I was gifted to, be [00:13:00] one of the best players that could have played the game.
But because of I think my insecurities and some other things that have happened, I was injured a bunch of times and stuff like that, but that also comes from other places, right? , we hold things in our body and that's the thing that we don't understand. I actually went to Two weeks ago, I went and got a massage from this woman in Calabasas here in Los Angeles.
And I met her at a wedding in Costa Rica. So this is how the world works. And , she was explaining what she did. She's I'm a body healer. And I'm like, okay, so you do massages. And she's yeah, kind of, but not really. And I'm like, okay , I'm always up to find out new things.
I'm always on the cutting edge of stuff, trying to figure out how to, you know, change and manipulate my body to the highest,, state. And so I go see her and. She can pinpoint every single place on my body before I even sat down with her, right? She pulled out this paper. , it has like your image on it,, your front and back.
And she's like, all right, I'm just going to scan this. And she starts going through it. And she's like, all right, this shoulder, this lower back, your glute. And. She was like, okay, these are the physical [00:14:00] points, but these are the emotional points. And this is a thing that most people don't realize, and this is an NFL, former NFL athlete talking to you, right?
I, we only think physical. However, there's things that are stored in our bodies that are emotional trauma that we're holding on to that are causing us physical pain. And it wasn't until I started doing breath work that I started to realize this. And a good friend of mine who started the company called Breathwork Detox had a significant injury as well that he thought was a physical injury and it was an emotional something that he was holding on to emotionally in his stomach, right?
And he paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to try to solve this problem. And so we are holding on to these things in our physical body that are emotional that we don't even know of, right? So I had to move through all of that. And as I started getting into this spiritual. side of the world, this metaphysical side of the world, I started to understand.[00:15:00]
That the way that we live, the things that we think we perceive are completely different than they actually are right. There's a whole world that exists outside of what we think we think we're here to work. We think we're here to build, wealth and make money and all that great stuff, which, yes, it's a part of abundance, right?
And abundance will always come to you when it's supposed to, but it's not a, this is what I need to hold on to. We're here to be able to create and then let go, create and then let go. And when you do more of that, you allow the entire world to move through you and you allow the world to be able to bind on to what you're creating and be able to build on that.
And that's the problem that we're seeing in society right now is that everything is being held on to. There's no movement. There's no flow. It's all stagnancy, which is why there's no energy. And that's why we're seeing a lot of this chaos that's happening right now because it all comes down to control when you're trying to control [00:16:00] something.
That is the boundaries that you're creating. And that's the biggest thing when you talk about relationships between men and women, there is this factor of control. And control always leads to failure because you can never control anything. You can only embody and you can only amplify, you never control, right?
And that's what we have to learn is how to amplify one another, not try to control the situation because we're living in fear. And that's normally where it's coming from. It's almost 100 percent of the time it's because you're living in fear.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. And hear you share Some of this is actually reminding me of, I was watching a talk that a man was giving about how. Right now, and I think this is probably also true for women, but for a lot of men, there's this, vision or expectation that's placed on what you should do, who you should be, how you should be living your life, what you should be reaching and attaining, [00:17:00] and not everyone reaches that, so then you're left with this vision. Fuck now what who like what was the point of all of this? I don't have what I'm supposed to have now. And so there's these I don't know Some people have midlife crisis core life crisis all of these things unfolding and then you're left with where do I go from here? and it sounds like as you're describing so beautifully an Option is to move into a state of trust and to release Some of the tension and the hold and the control.
How do we do that? From your experience, how did, how were you able to go through that and step into that?
Bret Lockett: It started with a deep surrendering in myself. A deep surrendering of my ego of what I think I want because your ego is just a cage. It's a cage that binds you to your current circumstance, whether you love your current circumstance or you hate it, [00:18:00] right? It binds you to that. And so you have to realize that in order for me to move forward in the direction that the universe is supposed to move me into, I have to completely let go of that.
And so for me, every single day is a practice of how can I. remove a portion of who I think I truly am. Because it's also, this is, you know, I heard this quote a long time ago, but whatever you think your ceiling is, it's the universe's floor, right? So if you think that I can only become this, you're limiting yourself to whatever it is.
That the universe actually wants you to become what your destiny is here to become. So if you can become Iron Man, right? Or Thor, right? Just to make this a little bit more exciting. But you're saying, you know, I'm just a real estate, I'm a top real estate professional. You're limiting yourself,
Right?
And so every [00:19:00] situation I go into, I try to remind myself that I'm not anything but whatever I'm supposed to be in this current moment. And that's how I'm going to show up because the universe is filled with infinite possibilities, there is infinite possibilities, but the only way that you have access to that is if you stay in the present, because that's the only thing that's real, because the past has already occurred so that's only a memory.
And the future hasn't even happened. And so that's only a concern, or a thought, right? And when you talk about manifesting, it's you can manifest whatever it is that you want, but the key is to visualize and let go. Because the universe is going to take whatever that's supposed to be and turn it into what it's supposed to be for everyone. So for anybody who's holding on to how do I get out of my own way? The best way that I've been able to do that. One is breath work because it's allowed me to tap into myself emotionally. I always say breath work is 20 years of therapy in one session, right? [00:20:00] So it's mind blowing the things that can happen on a yoga mat or nuts.
But the second thing that I do every single day is I meditate. And meditation is not a simple practice. It's something that is a practice, if you will, and it requires time and dedication and understanding and you to open yourself up. And when you can do that, you start to realize that when you become pure consciousness and nothing else.
And when I say pure consciousness, just pure awareness, just nothing else. And you're just there, you begin to welcome all the things that you may have never even thought about into your life. It starts to slowly but surely remove these layers of one fear, two want, three ambitions. Because ambition is something that's rooted in the masculine.
Ambition is great because it's gotten us to where we've, you know, where we are today. Without [00:21:00] ambition we wouldn't be here. It served us in a primordial form, you know, hundreds of years ago when we were primitive and, you know, we needed to survive. Ambition was great because it kept us together in groupings and communities and allowed us to build, right?
But ambition also created the Roman Empire, which then fell, which then has turned into everything else, right? Egypt and so on and so forth. We can talk about history, but ambition doesn't serve us anymore. Just like our left brain. Which is our focus center, which is our logical mind is not serving us right because it served us hundreds of years ago when we needed to survive when we needed to worry about someone coming to kill us or living in the wild.
Okay, but now that we're living in in, you know, metropolitan civilization. It doesn't serve us anymore because we don't have anything to truly really worry about. And it's limiting the right side of the brain which is a creative which is allowing us to allow all the millions of [00:22:00] possibilities into our life.
And you know, there's a lot here, but really it comes down to you still in your mind and then you letting go of what you think anything in this world is supposed to be and coming from a place of pure, 100 percent unconditional love and not just love for yourself, which is where you have to start, but love for everyone and everything because everything is connected because all is one. And I know it's a lot. I know it's hard to grasp. It's lot, but it's. Just start with one thing, start with loving yourself and see how it transcends limitations in your life. Because when you leave from a place of love. I used to do this when I was I'm a very competitive person, right?
And when I used to see people who were either like, remind me of myself or in a similar vein, you know, Oh, this is a coach or this is a business consultant I used [00:23:00] to compare, and I think we all do this, we compare, you see somebody who, you know, may have a girl that's beautiful and you're like, Oh, how does he have this girl?
And what you're doing is you're limiting who you are because you're making a comparison and the universe is telling you that in order for you to be able to create abundance, you have to welcome love and wish love to everyone else. And so I was reading the book, the power of the subconscious mind, which is a great book if you've never read it.
And there's this portion in the book that he talks about. It doesn't matter how anybody else, you know, got their wealth or success. Your job is to wish them well and wish them more success. And I was doing consulting for this or consulting, business consulting at the time and the women that I was talking to for a couple of weeks, we had a few conversations and I'd given her a ton of help and she decided that she was going to move in a different direction.
So I felt a [00:24:00] certain way about it, but it is what it is, right? It's part of doing business. And when I heard I was when I was listening to the power of the subconscious mind on audio, I heard that day and I would drive and see nice cars and I have a nice car, right? But I would drive and see like a Bentley or Rolls Royce and I'm like, Oh, this person's compensating or, Oh Oh, that car's not that nice.
You know what I mean? And. And that day I just, I said, it's a beautiful car. I hope they continue to do well. And I started doing that throughout the whole day and probably around like noon that day, she texted me and said, Hey I appreciate all your help. I know we, we ended up not working together, but I wanted to send you a tip because I know you spend a lot of time with me.
And I saw a Zelle come through on my phone for 500. So the universe works in, in, in ways and there's laws and principles that if you follow them, your life can be magical. [00:25:00] And we're here to create magic. This is like Disneyland earth is our own Disneyland. You know, I mean, I like to call it Atlantis. So I don't know if you guys are familiar with Atlantis, but it's Disneyland on earth and we're all here to create magic in our own ways.
And we're all playing off one another, but it's when you're. It's when you're working in a career, I was working in real estate and finance, when you're working in a career that is not aligned with your soul, where you don't, you can't create magic, because there's no spark, there's no energy.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. And I imagine that's probably true as well in relationships, like if you're not able to create magic with your partner, I don't know, I'm just guessing if that would potentially be an indicator of whether you're aligned or not. Yes.
Bret Lockett: that's interesting for me, at least, and I can only speak on myself is that
Is a energetic connection, it's very, it's not difficult to [00:26:00] create magic with someone else. As long as there's an energetic connection. The problem lies when there's no connection, right?
And if we're talking intimately, it starts on a very emotional level. Because as men, we are physical creatures, but women are emotional and spiritual beings. And so if you're specifically trying to, and for an awakened woman, because there's different levels, just like there's different levels of men and women.
If you're truly awakened to who you are. The physical may attract you, but it doesn't necessarily. Keep you there, right? You may see a man and say, wow, this guy is very handsome. The first thing that comes out of his mouth, if it doesn't align with your soul, you're going to be like, no, you're like, I'm not doing this.
And then you're, , you're like, Oh, I'm sorry. I have a boyfriend. Whatever [00:27:00] that , that's that statement is to get you, , to allow you to run the other way, you're going to say something of those sorts. That's what men have to understand, is that women feel energy before they feel anything else. People feel energy before they feel anything else. But women are a little bit more awakened to the fact of energy, because of the emotional and spiritual side, right? Has something to do with your brain, the way your brain's made up. It allows you to have a little bit more emotional capacity than men, right?
Which is beautiful. But as a man, you have to understand that the way to a woman's heart is not through how much money you make. It's not through how smart you are. It's about your ability to be able to open up and show yourself in a way that is purely who you are. And let go of all things surrounding that. And if you can open up to her like that, and completely allow [00:28:00] her to trust you, and vice versa, that's when the magic truly occurs. Because now you've created this container for the feminine to thrive. And women right now are competing in a game that They can't win, right? Corporate is not made for women, even though women are in and I'm not saying women can't succeed in corporate and they're actually doing it right by 2030 women will be making more money than men around the world.
50 percent 50 would be like 55 percent of women will be making more money than men by 2030. So women are succeeding, but money has a lot to do with. The masculine, even though the creative side to create money is feminine. So when you can create this container and allow the woman to thrive and be who she truly is, it allows her to soften into her nature.
It allows her to let go of all of these things that she feels she has to be protective upon because I was talking to a friend the other day. And she was, you know, she's [00:29:00] a psychic medium, wonderful woman, and she was talking about how women have to kill the maiden archetype, right? Which is, the archetype of the softness and the , the protective, being protected and not allowing the lion, the lioness to roar, the goddess to roar, right?
I think of the movie Wonder Woman and the dystopian sort of society of women who are just powerful. That's what's happening right now. That's what we're seeing, this awakening right now. And as a man, if you can't keep up with that type of woman, You're going to get left behind because they don't care about material things.
They don't care about how much money you have. They don't care about what your car looks like. They don't care about where you go out to eat. The women who are still caught in the matrix, the women who are still when I say the matrix who are still caught in the fear based ideologies of what it is to live on this planet [00:30:00] are the ones that are. are adding to what men think they really want, but it's not because they all get to a certain place and they're like, I don't want that. I want a man. That's this. I want a man that provides love, right? They may say financial stability. But it's really not financial stability because if you provided all the other things, but you weren't financially stable, they wouldn't care because they because if you do it the right way, if you're a true partnership and I call it a trinity and we'll talk about what a trinity is.
But if you're a true trinity,
Everything will amplify and everything will become exactly what it's supposed to be to allow you to thrive. And when you're like, I need somebody who looks like this, I need somebody who makes this kind of money. It's saying that I'm afraid that I may not be able to, they may not be able to provide for me if they don't. And that's a fear based thing , and when I talk about this [00:31:00] concept of a trinity, it really is, when you get into a relationship, you'd think it's just me and my partner, right? And I need to fill my cup and then I need to fill their cup. And that's not the case. It's not your responsibility to necessarily fill their cup, even though it's part of it.
Your cup, your responsibility is to fill your own cup, right? It's to love your own self. It's to work on the things that you know you need to work on in order to be able to be the man or the woman that you need to be. Not for the relationship, but for the universe, right? We think we're, I'm trying to be this for this relationship.
No, you need to be this for the universe. Because the relationship doesn't depend on you. The universe depends on you. To be, to realize yourself. So that you can transcend and help other people transcend. When I say transcend, become your highest self. So you have that aspect of each partner, and then you have the relationship itself. So when I say the Trinity, it's the [00:32:00] relationship. And when you fill your cup and you fill the relationship's cup to the highest power, that's when the true magic occurs. That's when the true bliss occurs, where you guys show up and there's no thought, there's just you being, there's just you opening doors, there's you creating this journey, this magical journey that we all want, and it's all, it's possible for each and every one of us, but we just have to get out of our own way,
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, I love that explanation of a trinity and it makes me think about this concept of, you know, we have a relationship with ourselves, we have a relationship with others and we have a relationship with the world. And even thinking about how you're talking about going back to that car example of how are you engaging with the world?
How are you engaging with everything that's around you? Are you loving everything around you or are you having all these reasons to be upset or angry or frustrated? How that can totally connect with the dynamics that you have [00:33:00] with other people. And
Bret Lockett: Because everything is mental. That's the one thing that you have to understand. The number one law that a lot of people don't talk about, you know, you talk about law of vibration and the law of manifestation, but what a lot of people don't talk about is the law of mentalism. That everything is mental.
Everything on this plane that exists is mental. And so if you truly understand that, you would never think a negative thought. But you do, right? That's the paradox, right? Because you are hardwired to think negative thoughts. When you understand that, then you understand that, Oh, okay, that's a part of who I am.
But it's not about not thinking negative thoughts. It's about catching the negative thought immediately and then reversing it to the antithesis of what that is. Whatever that thought is. And so it's about you reinforcing that, but you staying aligned and you doing the right things that you need to do in order to think those thoughts, because when you're out of [00:34:00] alignment, that's when you create the negative thoughts, right?
When you do, you know, let's just say you're you do something, you know, you're not supposed to do, or maybe you're in a place you're not supposed to be, you're working in an area you're not supposed to work in. Now all of a sudden you're not making the money that you feel like you should be making.
Or now you're not making the money that you need to, Maintain your lifestyle. Now all of a sudden you're thinking about, Oh I, I may not be able to make enough money or, you know, where's money going to come from. And now you go inward instead of going outward, right? That's the part of staying aligned that helps with all of the laws of the universe.
If you're not aligned and now you're worried. Now you're stressed. Now you have anxiety. You're taking on more things than you know you need to. How many people are taking on way too much, right? We're not meant to take on and work eight, nine, 10 hours a day. I work for four to five, maybe. Maybe six, a focus hours a day, the rest of the time I'm doing things that I enjoy because that's what we're here to do.
We're here to enjoy life, create [00:35:00] magic, focus on the things that we want to learn to be able to help the people that we're meant to help here. That's why we're here. It's not to stack chips. It's not to buy cars and fancy trips. If you want to do that, great. I'm not saying don't do that. But your job is to take whatever the universe gives you and multiply it to be able to help other people.
And so we all have specific things that we like to do. And I like to travel. I spend a lot of money on travel. It's to open up my world, to be able to open up everyone else's world. And when I travel, I try to work too. I try to do something fun while I'm working or, you know, while I'm traveling and work in different places.
You know, when I was in Denmark, you know, I spoke to, you know, a group of professionals on, you know, consciousness and spirituality and opening up and allowing and all these beautiful things. And it was great. And it was great to see a different culture and to see how they take in things and, you know, they have a very.
Limited perspective on what they can [00:36:00] do. And they think that they have to fit in with society. And, you know, you shouldn't look any different than the next person. And it's very different than our American way, , so traveling allows me to open up and learn things about different cultures that I can, maybe connect some dots and bring my light, you know, and I truly believe we're all here when you show up, you're either showing up as a lamp or you're showing up as a lighthouse. And you got to figure out how you want to show up, period. You know, there's no, I'm just showing up today. No, like either you're going to show up and blow up the spot or you're going to show up and , be forgotten, , and I always want to make my presence remembered when I go anywhere I like that guy , he's positive, he's upbeat.
He made me feel good about myself. Like I want everybody to feel good and I want everybody to feel loved. Cause we're all just big children. We are all just
Kirsten Trammell: Oh, yeah. I completely agree with that. We are totally children. And some of us have. been able to maintain that aspect of herself and some have lost it, but it's still there. [00:37:00] And I'm just thinking for, let's say that someone is listening to this and they're like, okay, Brett, I'm loving this. How do I actually apply this to my life?
How do I show up in a relationship in a way that, you know, you mentioned the interesting Transition that we're in between women and men and how can a man show up in a way to build that connection to give a woman what she needs to create the relationship that we're talking about here. What is a tactical thing that to start doing today?
Bret Lockett: I can say a lot, but the one thing I will say is to become vulnerable. And vulnerability means letting go of anything you think you are, and just showing up as pure love, unconditional love. Loving her for all the qualities that you love about her or you like about her and only seeing those qualities. Because [00:38:00] any of the other qualities. will be solved through love, right? So when you, maybe, are in an argument, or when you see certain things from someone who's showing you this is something that they're dealing with, the only way that you combat that to move forward is with love. There's no other way.
And if it's truly the person, because we can truly fall, once the physical connection is there as a man and because men are different to women again, once the physical connections there, we can truly fall in love with anyone if we unconditionally love ourselves and unconditionally love that person and choose to fully commit, that's the next thing is have you fully committed or are you still allowing other things to penetrate the Trinity because a true relationship doesn't have it.
There's no room for anything else [00:39:00] if it's a true romantic relationship outside of, you know, when I say anything else, I mean, anything penetrating it negatively, if it's amplifying it, then that's one thing, right? You know, if, are we talking about dating? Are we talking about being in a relationship already?
You know, it all depends on where we're at, you know, in dating today it's one of the most challenging times to date ever.
Kirsten Trammell: Yay, everyone.
Bret Lockett: Very challenging to date. And it doesn't matter if it's, you know, on online dating, that's probably the worst version of it. Because it is a, for women, it's all about, or for men, it's all about how does the woman look?
So women are now being judged on, they're being objectified. Which is, you know, for me and why, you know, I've worked with so many women and why I'm currently, you know, spending time there right now is because I understand how women have been objectified since the beginning of time. And when I say beginning of time, I mean, you know, ancient Egypt going forward[00:40:00] and even before then slightly before then.
And it's, women have never felt protected and safe. , and I was reminded of this from someone who I was talking to and they were telling me about how worried they needed to be to walk down the street, , just living downtown or, you know, going to their car, you know, as a man, we don't think as men, we don't think about that.
We can go wherever we want. We can travel wherever we want. We're not worried about, you know, getting kidnapped. That doesn't cross our mind. At least my mind maybe some other guys, but that doesn't cross my mind. , women have been objectified. Their power has been limited since, for a very long time.
And when I was talking about that maiden archetype, it's that right there. And for A woman on a dating app, it's very challenging to find a guy because they're being objectified the entire time. It's oh, does she look good? Oh, does she have her boobs out? Oh, does, is her ass showing?
And I'm not saying that's [00:41:00] everybody, but that's a lot of it. And, or, how does she look? You're being ranked from, on a scale from 1 to 10. And for a woman, it's not the same. It's does this man look safe? Does he look lovable? Does he possibly have a good job? Is he tall enough?
You know, men are looked at from a physical perspective, from a safety perspective. And so it's really just a race to the bottom because there's too many options. And when there's too many options, people can't make a decision. So now, this whole term of ghosting, right? Why are people getting ghosted?
It's because there's too many options. you know, 10 years ago, there was no ghosting because your option was the best option because there was a lot of other options. That's why my parents have been together for, 45 plus years. You know, it's the options were limit, limited which allowed them to focus on the thing that was most important in their relationships and not fleeing at this first sight of, oh, this person is emotionally unstable.
Everybody's emotionally unstable. Everybody's emotionally unstable [00:42:00] because we all, most people, when I say most people, a good 95 percent plus don't know how to handle emotional stress. Your ability to live a beautiful life is partially geared toward how well you're able to handle emotional stress. Because when you, when that emotional stress comes in, how you handle that dictates your life.
So are you going to act out? Are you going to go into fear? Are you going to go into stress? Are you going to go into anxiety? Or are you just going to take it in, understand that motion doesn't belong to you. It's just something, whether it's from the collective, whether it's from something that somebody triggered from the past, but we're not in the past anymore, right?
Whether it's something that, that, you know, has you now focusing on something that's happening in the future, whatever it is, it's a trigger. And all you have to understand is it's just a trigger, but it's not real.
Kirsten Trammell: It's in your mind.
Bret Lockett: It's just in your mind.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. And I [00:43:00] guess kind of touching on the dating piece of this, because it is so true that there are so many options and , the studies show when you have so many options, you can't make a choice. And I know a lot of men are, have this question of , how do I know if this is the one for me?
How do I know if this is the person I should be dating? There's a lot of confusion And I'm curious what your take is on making a decision to move forward with someone. Yeah.
Bret Lockett: of those questions that you just asked have everything to do with. A level of expectation, right? Is this the one? Because you're now expecting them to be a certain way, right? Or is this the girlfriend right now I'm expecting her to be a certain way, and I remind people to let go of what you think it can be and what you it to be.
Because [00:44:00] when you have an expectation, you don't allow whatever it's supposed to be, because every relationship is a lesson. It's a lesson. Or it's a soul connection but it's still a lesson that we're here to learn and the universe consistently brings people into your life romantically for you to learn those lessons, right?
And so if you have an expectation, you may not learn the lesson that you're supposed to have. You're thinking if she's the one now you're holding it to a specific standard and you may miss the lesson that the universe wants you to have. You have you, it's, and it's very hard because I've done it too.
And you know, we get into these relationships and you're like, Oh man, is she the one or is he the one? And now you're holding it, the relationship to a specific standard instead of holding the relationship into the one thing that you should hold it into, which is pure unconditional love for that individual and allowing it to become whatever it's supposed to be.
Because again, you don't know what it can become, right? [00:45:00] And this is why dating is hard. Because When you go into a date, the first thing that you're looking to establish is some form of, they say it's a connection, but it's really trust. You're looking to establish, can I trust this person sitting across from me?
And can I trust this person enough that this person will allow me to see to show myself exactly who I am? It's the kid, it's the kid showing up, but the kid showing up afraid to be the kid. You put a bunch of kids in a sandbox, you know, four or five, they're all going to run around and have a great time.
And then there's going to be some kids that are playing by themselves and not worried about everybody else that's who we are. But then the older we get, we start to realize that You know, society wants certain things or it's not cool to do specific things and now we show up in this box You know We show up how we're supposed to be we show up dressed the way we think Somebody wants us to dress when [00:46:00] I showed up dress showing up dress the way we want, you know, I mean I do now Yeah, I'm like this But we're trying to portray something instead of just portraying ourselves being who we are And you truly know, just call it, if you ever just want to know who you are, just close your eyes and say, who am I, and just sit there and see what comes in and just feel it. And what you're probably going to feel is something deep in your stomach or like maybe closer to your, you know, your heart chakra. And that's the universe talking to you, letting you know that you're pure love. If you show up like that in your relationships, in your business meetings with clients, friends, Your life is magical.
It becomes magical because every, your life is based on how well your relationships are in your life. And if you have great relationships, you have a great life.
Kirsten Trammell: So true. Yeah. Yeah. I've never heard [00:47:00] anyone say quite like with the, how we show up to the dates and the sense of being kids and it makes me think about what it would be like if we were to arrive on a date, like connected to. the child part of ourselves
Bret Lockett: Oh my gosh.
Kirsten Trammell: be so fun. And I think kids are so beautiful in the sense that they don't worry about the past or the future because they're so engrossed in what is and how beautiful that can be and how alive they become.
So what a beautiful way to explore love from that.
Bret Lockett: It really is. It truly is. And , I love looking at children because they remind you so much of what we should be doing. What we should be doing. It just reminds me every single time of, here to enjoy this journey, this destination. You know, we all came here for a reason.
And when you start to realize that, and you start to awaken to [00:48:00] that and understand that this is your picture to paint, you can either be Picasso, you can be a Warhol, you can be whatever you want. But you get to paint it and you don't have to paint it with a paintbrush. You can splash the paint on there with your hand.
You can do whatever you like, because this is what you're here to do. And the moment you become, you unleash that power inside you, that's when you truly become exquisite. And that's when true beauty comes through you. And beauty has nothing to do with judgment of how beautiful something is. Otherwise it can't be beauty, right?
If you can say it's beautiful, can't be beauty because beauty knows no beauty. Beauty just is. Beauty just allows you to be. That's what's beautiful about it because there's no judgment towards it. It's just you.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Brett, thank you so much for coming on and sharing all of your wisdom and your [00:49:00] experiences and your knowledge and having this conversation with everyone today. I would love. To take a moment and thank you for being here and if there's anywhere that people can connect with you further I would love if you could share that because I know there's so much that we did not cover didn't even begin to explore so I want people to be able to do that with you after they listen to this.
Bret Lockett: Yeah, we'll have to, I'll definitely have to come back on cause this has been way too fun. Way too fun, but they can, you can visit me on Instagram at Brett underscore Lockett. Brett with one T, Lockett with two T's. Parents did that purposely.
Kirsten Trammell: Thank you.
Bret Lockett: And and you can find everything you need there on me. And, you know, I post quite a bit on my stories quite a bit on, you know, my feed as well as, you know, interact with everybody. I love building communities of. of men and women who want to move in this direction because this is where things are moving to.
And I'm just happy to be a [00:50:00] part of it,
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. I really appreciate you sharing where you were and where you are now, and it's really beautiful to meet a man who's so connected to himself and the world and what is, and it's really been an honor to have you on the show, so we'll definitely have to have you come back.
Bret Lockett: Kirsten. I'd love that. Thank you for having me and we'll definitely see you soon.