How to Build High Confidence and Attracting ANY Woman
How often do you wonder why some guys never struggle to attract a woman?
In this episode, we explore how to confidently attract women while staying true to who you are. Whether you are in a relationship struggling to understand your partner or you are ready to attract more women into your life…this episode is for you.
Kirsten is joined by Mark Sing, an NLP men's dating coach, who gives actionable advice on how to build a connection, attract quality women and interactions, and build a foundational sense of confidence in yourself.
Mark shares how to reframe negative self-perceptions like “I’m not tall enough” or “I’m not successful enough,” how to overcome the fear of rejection, and tools to read women and understand what they want.
Key Topics:
Understanding the psychology of a woman
Overcoming limiting beliefs to be an attractive man.
Practical steps to strengthen your frame control.
What to do when a woman asks you for a favor.
How to be kind without becoming a doormat.
The power of frame control in relationships.
How to lead women to where they want to be led.
Connect with Mark Sing
Check out The Unapologetic Man Podcast
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This guide is here to help you experience more power, sensitivity, aliveness, and pleasure in just 10 minutes.
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Podcast Transcript
[00:00:00] You are an amazing man. You have a lot going for you, right? Maybe you have a great job. A great sense of humor. You're tall. You're kind. You're wicked smart. Whatever it is, you do have qualities that make you an incredible person to be with. So why isn't every woman that you meet? Attracted to you. And. Why are men that are less qualified, less amazing than you. Getting girls left and right. Like, you know, that something isn't adding up. Well, in this episode, we are going to cover exactly how to build high confidence within yourself so that you can attract any woman. And even if you're in a relationship. Don't go anywhere, Mr.
Because this confidence and the skills revealed in this episode are something that you truly must use in your relationship. [00:01:00] And in your sex life an order to maintain that attraction from your partner and continue to have her desiring you sexually. While still giving you that sense of freedom.
Welcome back to the naked connection. This is the show that supports driven men to build deeper connections and have better communication and sex. What's up, you guys it's Kiersten. . And today we are joined by mark Singh, an NLP dating coach who has over 20 years of experience in helping men. Rebuild their belief systems and. Successfully date women. I've been following him for quite a while and just love how incredibly practical everything that he shares is he's straightforward.
He's clear. And you guys, he's here to drop some incredible knowledge today all right. Uh,
. Let's get some. [00:02:00]
Kirsten Trammell: Mark Singh, welcome to the Naked Connection.
Mark Sing: Appreciate you having me.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. I am so excited for us to jam out today and what do you want? Anyone that tunes into this, any guys that hear this, what do you want them to take away from this hour that we have together?
Mark Sing: I want them to take away that being masculine and stepping into the leadership role with women is Not only acceptable, but your duty as a [00:03:00] man There's a big movement in today's society that tries to make men feel guilty for being masculine for being attracted to women for feeling sexual towards women seeing women as a beautiful piece of art rather than something to be devoured like a piece of meat.
And so what I want them to walk away from is to be unapologetic, which of course is the name of my podcast, unapologetic man podcast about who you are as a man, your masculinity, your desires for women, and to lead the frame with women, which means lead women to where they want to be led without apology, because that's what women want.
And that's what they're attracted to.
Kirsten Trammell: All right, let's do that. Yeah. And I, and I had the thought right away also of what does it mean to you to be an unapologetic man?
Mark Sing: It means to not apologize for being a man, as simple as that sounds. But we're born with instincts within us. We're born masculine. And like I said, there's a [00:04:00] big movement to make us feel guilty for that. So my whole purpose, the whole purpose for what I'm doing on my podcast is to tell guys, It's okay to be a man.
It's okay to be masculine. It's okay to sweep women off their feet, show them that you have boundaries and you can lead them to where they want to be led. Stepping into your masculine, letting them step into their feminine, because then there's sexual tension between you two and to absolutely not feel any guilt whatsoever for it.
But in fact, Go the opposite direction. Be proud of it. Be proud of everything that represents you as a man. So that's why I named my podcast that I teach guys how to approach and attract women. I talk a lot about self development. I use NLP neuro linguistic programming to remap belief systems. Big belief system is my sexuality is shameful.
My desire for women is shameful. My masculinity is even shameful. So that's my hope in this episode. And I like to give really. Tangible [00:05:00] things that they can use things they can actually do today to help them get to that point.
Kirsten Trammell: You mentioned using the NLP and how there are belief systems that someone might carry. What are the most, I mean, you just mentioned one of them, but what do you find are the most common belief systems that men are walking around with that aren't really serving them?
Mark Sing: I'm not enough I am short fat ugly bald look like a chicken mcnugget with tits Or a bathing suit with a potato with a bathing suit on it as I always say, right? So insecurities about how they look and how they're perceived in the eyes of women which by the way boys are all completely illusory Despite what society might tell you, you being say, for example, I talked to a client today.
He was five foot six. And he's I'm five, six. I can't attract a quality woman. I'm like, brother, that's a belief system that you're perpetuating in your own head. What you believe in your head, the woman will believe about you as well. If you fully accept yourself as if you [00:06:00] chose how you are, she will accept you as well because what leads the masculine, the feminine follows.
So if you lead with full self acceptance, which we do with NLP, NLP, of course, is neuro linguistic programming. Then she follows that. I have another guy. My program is five foot two. And he's getting all kinds of dates because he doesn't buy into that belief system. So the biggest thing I find is I'm not enough.
I'm unattractive. My sexuality is shameful. I'm not worthy of love is a really big one. Don't approach people. That is a huge one. Don't approach women because you're going to get canceled is a big time belief system and also sexuality. Why do men have premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction?
Because. Inside they believe they're not enough. So what they're essentially doing is trying to either avoid sex or get it over with quickly because they don't believe they're good enough for it or they believe it's shameful. So it all starts in the mind and from the mind, your results come out of that.
And that's why I work on the [00:07:00] level of mine because it's so important.
Kirsten Trammell: Interesting. Yeah. It's like self fulfilling prophecies. If you think it's true, then it's going to become true.
Mark Sing: That's right. That's how life works. Life. Life is nothing but a mirror. It gives back to you what you put to it,
Kirsten Trammell: Okay. So let's say that someone has one of these beliefs. They don't think that they're enough. They're not attractive enough. They're not tall enough. How do you shift that? I mean, obviously working with you, but how would you go about taking steps to change that belief system?
Mark Sing: So initially boys, as you're listening, obviously you don't know anything about me. You wouldn't come work with me just hearing me for three minutes. So this is what I suggest. First of all, awareness alone is curative, meaning now that you're aware that your belief systems are BS, which stands for belief system as well as bullshit.
You can question them. And say, wait a second, is this belief system that I'm not enough or my sexuality is shameful, or I'm not good in bed, whatever your belief system is. Is that intrinsically true? Or [00:08:00] perhaps I got this because somebody else gave it to me. That in the case of I'm not enough, that usually comes from parents.
Maybe your dad didn't feel like he was enough. So you tried to get in rapport with him by believing the same thing that he believed about himself. Why are you doing that? So when you question it, that's a huge first step. I'd say it's probably 50 percent of it. Then the next step is the intention to let it go and say, you know what?
I'm going to choose a new belief system because I know that thoughts are malleable. The brain is malleable. We call it neuroplasticity, where your brain literally changes its shape with the decisions of what you choose to believe. So if you believe, for example, I'm not enough. Try it on just like you're trying on a suit and just do it as a thought experiment.
What did I, what would I feel if I did think I was enough? What would that feel like? And then start experimenting with what that would feel like. Even if you're not ready to believe it, just try on the suit. Just try on the way it feels. And the third step is every time you have a belief system that says, I'm not enough, [00:09:00] tell yourself, erase that.
This is literally a neuro linguistic, it's called the embedded command, where you say, erase that. And then replace it with the new belief system. Now, obviously in the case of what I do, we have NLP modalities that go in and remove those belief systems. But for guys just listening who are just, you know, casually listening to a podcast, question your beliefs, every single one of them and choose new belief systems that are conducive to your success and your desires, because that's how life works.
Here's how life works. First, you think of the picture, then you paint it, then you step inside of it. And so your belief systems dictate everything where that's concerned.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. I appreciate you sharing kind of the process of doing that. I'm, where do you think, I mean, these beliefs come from? Is it, for most people, childhood? How culture, Is educating us what is that about?
Mark Sing: It's a mix of everything, but in the first seven years of your life, you're actually in a mild state of hypnosis. [00:10:00] So anything, even something your older brother said to you as a joke could go in, in an insidious way become a mapped program. And then for the rest of your life, you're hitting print on a printer that's spitting out the same results.
So he says, for example, and this happened to me, it is why I'm thinking of this example. He said, Mark, you're a horrible singer. When you sing, it sounds like crap. So immediately I'm like, Oh, I'm a horrible singer. And now. I had that belief system for years until one day I was like, wait a minute. That idiot, Michael told me this.
Why am I buying into this BS? So I used NLP to remove it. And now I can tell you, Kirsten, with utmost confidence, I am still a horrible singer, but I don't believe it, but I don't believe it. I believe that I got some, I got some skills where that's concerned, but listen, it's all. It's, it's usually in that first seven years for a lot of guys that I work with, they were rejected at a critical time by a woman told they were unattractive, or if they're developing in a way [00:11:00] where those things about themselves are typically unattractive, say being short, being, being overweight.
A big thing I work with oftentimes is ethnicity based stuff. Indian guys come to me a lot. Asian dudes come to me a lot. Short guys come to me a lot, but even just regular guys who just haven't figured out how to break the code with women. It starts in the head. And then of course, I teach the tactical stuff, female psychology, what to approach with, what to talk about in the first conversation, how to get a phone number.
So usually though, to answer your question, it is in that first, like seven, 10 years that our parents completely mess us up, right? Like some, some innocent thing your dad says and you're just F'd up for the rest of your life. And just like hidden print on that printer. It's, it's pretty insidious. So you got to be careful what you tell the children.
That's for sure.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, yeah, and I, it makes me think about how I've done some belief work as well, probably, I don't know, I'd be curious what the NLP is like, but how, when [00:12:00] you kind of change your perspective of it, of what are alternative ways to interpret that experience? If, say, you're young, and some Girl on the playground rejects you.
Sure. Maybe that girl rejected you, but not all girls are going to reject you. Or maybe she rejected, she rejects every single boy, no matter who it is or how tall they are, what they look like. So how can we look at those experiences that shaped us in, in a different way? And then that makes it easier to no longer be in that belief system a little bit.
Mark Sing: I teach that thing called frame control. It's the single most important thing to get a woman attracted to you. But not only do you have to have frame control with women, you have to frame control yourself. Which means question everything you think and as Wayne Dyer always says, don't believe everything you think, which is a quote that I love.
Don't believe everything you think. Whoa, wait a second here. I thought my beliefs were just the truth, just reality. They're not. They're an illusion. So choose the belief systems that produce the result that you want most. I can guarantee you for almost [00:13:00] all of us listening that there are movies going on in the back of your head of things you don't want to happen.
Things that you don't like about yourself, things that are negative and what's happening. You're, you're producing that in your reality. So when we get clear on the fact that we can literally change them with usually a decision, but also intensive NLP work, then we have power over our lives. And we can shape the way that our life goes, but especially when it comes to attracting women, it's so in the head.
I can't even explain it to you. It's so in the head. I could take a guy who's unconfident, insecure, has a high voice, supplicates to women, puts them on a pedestal and simply work on the in head stuff. And, and 10 X his results because women are designed and you, you, you creatures are amazing. Let me tell you what, your radar systems to be able to pick up on a man's confidence, just by how he talks, his tonality, the way he carries himself.
And that's what your attraction is based on. Evolutionary speaking, you are attracted to survivability. Survivability means [00:14:00] a man's ability to survive and thrive in society. Which is what? Confidence, ambition, self belief, risk taker, masculine, somebody who dominates, somebody who challenges, who isn't afraid to put himself out there, who is unapologetic.
And a lot of guys are the opposite of that. Because why? They had belief systems installed before they could defend themselves. So they behave in a way that's unattractive. Women pick up on it and it turns them off immediately. So it's all in the head.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. I would totally believe that and agree with that. That's what I mean. I feel like there have been times when I've found someone who I probably textbook wouldn't think was attractive and there's something about the way that they show up and you're like, wow, who is this person and vice versa, when you see someone that you would think on paper is this perfect, attractive person.
and it's completely flat.
Mark Sing: Yeah. And, and the thing about you, Kirsten, is you're really feminine. And I love that about you because [00:15:00] I can tell you move into your feminine unapologetically. And I believe that you're attracted to that masculine kind of man, that guy who is confident, who's willing to sweep you off your feet and lead you to where you want to be led because As is untrue for many women in today's society, you have unapologetic, unapologetically stepped into your feminine.
And that is so beautiful. I just have to compliment you on that because it is rare these days and it's so attractive. So it doesn't surprise me that your podcast is. As successful as it is being as new as it is.
Kirsten Trammell: Thanks for sharing that. I appreciate that. Yeah. And I would love to hear about this frame control. Cause you mentioned it a moment ago and it's so interesting to me if you can explain how, what, what exactly that is and why it's so important and how men can step into it. Yeah.
Mark Sing: person who's [00:16:00] following frame control means that you are leading the interaction with a woman. She can not get attracted to you unless you have a stronger frame than she does. Literally, she cannot. Why?
Because the person who's leading is the one who's in the masculine energy. The person who's following, and it doesn't mean she's less than us. It doesn't mean anything like that, but the person who's following is the one who's in the feminine energy. So frame control basically means you leading the interaction.
And I always say, lead women to where they want to be led and doing so unapologetically. And what's really cool about frame control is women are going to test you. They're going to say mean things to you. They're going to challenge you. They're going to ask you for favors. And this is all wrapped up in the frame control concept of, and you may have heard this in the community, maybe not.
They're often called shit tests. I like to call them frame checks where she's going to say something mean to you. challenge you, try to get yourself to explain yourself to her because that shows that you have a weak frame. So for [00:17:00] example, you may have questioned me. Why are you wearing that shirt today?
Mark, you're wearing a t shirt to a podcast interview. How unprofessional could you possibly be? Okay. That will be something boys that women will just throw at you. You're in a nightclub talking to girls. She's Oh my God, why are you wearing that shirt? It's hideous. Now the guy with the weak frame is going to try to explain himself to her and say this shirt fits me good.
And it's Gucci. And I got it at, you know, this really nice the store that, that to cost a lot of money. And I think it's good. Don't you think it looks good. That shows that he's weak in his reality. He doesn't believe in himself. I got, he was a strong frame. Is going to flip it on her in a way. And this is what I always do.
When women question my clothes, I flip it in a way where it shows that my frame is so strong. My reality is so ensconced that she can't even get to me. So oftentimes the women will do this and I'll actually, Kristen, I'll pot, I'll purposely wear silly clothes so that they do do this. I have this one shirt that has a cat riding a piece of pizza through outer space, and I wear it to the nightclubs.
And girls are like, Oh my God, why are you [00:18:00] wearing that stupid shirt? And I say, look, Kelly, I know you're trying to take off my shirt right now, but relax. We just met. So instead of being like, Oh, this shirt's funny. I got it from Lola. No, you flip it. And you say, look, I know you're trying to take off my shirt right now, but relax, we just met oftentimes girls will.
Accused me of how many phone numbers did you get? Cause they see me talking to girls and, you know, mixing it up and whatever. And so they're like, how many phone numbers did you get? And the guy with the weak frame would be like, no, no, I'm not a player. Like I haven't gotten a lot. I'm just talking to him and he'll explain himself. always say I've gotten 824 numbers. I'm going for 900. So I just need 80 more root me on. Cause I'm really trying hard or I'll say I got nine numbers, one more, and I would have had a full phone number. Did it, right? So it's about reframing, which means she asks you something and you turn it around on her.
Another thing I love and forgive me for waxing on. This is my favorite topic. I talk about all the time on my podcast is what I call a reframe [00:19:00] reframe. It's simple. It's four words. The real question is the real question is. So what you're doing is she's asking you a question. You flip it back on her with the real question is.
So oftentimes I'll go up to women and they'll be like, oh, is that one of your pickup lines? And I say, the real question is, is that one of your pickup lines? A guy approaches you and that's immediately what you say. Is this what they taught you in the girly magazines? It's flipping it on her, knowing that my frame is strong.
You can't question it. I'm going to question you. So that's frame control in its essence. And there's one other thing I want to mention when you're ready about women asking you favors that have a cool reversal on that, but they're going to challenge you to see if you have a strong frame, don't get mad about it.
Be happy about it because she wouldn't do it unless there was some possible attraction for you. But women do this and this is the biggest mistake that men make. They give their frame to women. They supplicate. They explain themselves. They try to let her lead because you think quite logically [00:20:00] if she leads, she's going to be happy.
If she wants to go here and I take her there and I spend all the money on her, she's going to love me. I'm going to get some sex. Doesn't work that way. She wants you to be strong in your reality, have boundaries, and show her, forgive me cussing here, that you're not to be fucked with. That's what, that's what gets attraction.
So frame control is so important. I talk about it all the time in my podcast. I love it. It's so interesting. It's really fascinating.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. No, this is super fascinating. It's reminding me a couple of years ago I read the book The Way of the Superior Man by David Ada. And I think he talks about something similar in that women, like women want to test a man. And that even, even in sex, women will test a man.
And and it comes across like we want something, but really we want to be not like put in our place, but we want to see a man hold, as you said, hold his frame within that kind of like we're testing to see if you'll hold your frame.
Mark Sing: How in your experience have you tested a man in [00:21:00] sex?
Kirsten Trammell: I know in the, in the book, they specifically talk about how if you tell a man that you want him to orgasm, like if you say to him, I want you to come. And David Data was saying that basically in response to that, that while she's saying that's what she wants, it's not really what she wants.
And so holding your frame in that space of not just giving her exactly what she's asking for, like handing that over.
Mark Sing: women are interesting because sometimes they ask you for one thing and they want quite the opposite and it's simply a test. This is why it's so important to understand female psychology because when we don't understand it, we do the wrong things and this is why a lot of guys struggle in this area because it's very counterintuitive.
But once you understand the basic tenets of female psychology, what they're attracted to, what they're not attracted to, Each situation that comes in, you can apply it to things like frame control and female psychology and make the right decision, but that's a perfect example. She's I want you to come and then you come and she's secretly disappointed [00:22:00] and you're like, what the hell did I do wrong?
It's it's very counterintuitive, but that's what I love about the feminine is that. They, oftentimes women know exactly what they want subconsciously, but sometimes even consciously they don't know what they want. They'll say, I want the six foot two dude with the six inch penis and the six pack and making six figures.
And they'll go sleep with my client who's five foot two and makes no money and lives in his mom's basement. And then you question her and say why'd you do that? She's I don't know. He just flipped attraction hot switches in my head. I don't know how he did it. Because it's unconscious. So you can read attraction like a radar system of the most advanced technology.
But if we try to get many women to explain logically why it is they're attracted to certain traits, they have no fricking clue. And that's what's so fascinating about it.
Kirsten Trammell: Oh my gosh. Yeah, it fascinates me too. So if someone's hearing this and they're wondering how can I practice stepping into my [00:23:00] framework, how do you start even? Is it like beginning with awareness or what do you typically tell men to start doing? Yeah.
Mark Sing: alone is curative. I'm sure some guys listening are having an aha moment. Remembering situations with women that went bad and perhaps they think back and they say, Oh, okay. I didn't have frame. I lost her. She lost traction for me because no frame. So just what I already said that you have to have a stronger frame than she does in order for her to get attracted to you is really important.
But then. We need to understand all the nebulous aspects of frame control. Unfortunately, it's difficult to explain in a quick 20 to 30 minute episode, but you know, I hate to shamelessly plug my podcast. I do many episodes on it. It's called the unapologetic man podcast. So if you guys are interested, just type in Either my name, Mark Singh, America, new word, S I N G and frame control. And several episodes will pop up that explain it. [00:24:00] But the first thing to do is. Really get the belief system that look, you need to accept yourself as if you chose how you are.
You need to accept and stand by your attitudes and belief systems, not in a stubborn way, but instead in a self belief kind of way. Somebody tests you, don't buy into their frame of testing you. Instead, flip it on them with some of those things. One of the biggest things that I teach is just the real question is.
So somebody asks you a question, Mark, why are you wearing a black hat to a podcast interview with the amazing, spectacular Kirsten? And you're so, you're so unbelievably rude to do that. I'd say the real question is. Those four words. The real question is why aren't you wearing a black hat? This thing is the shit.
I can't believe you're not wearing a black hat right now, Kirsten. It's so disrespectful. Okay. So I flip it on you. And this is good to practice with friends. And this is what I always tell my boys is go out and mess with your friends a little bit bro, nice shirt. Where'd you get that? Like 1970s called, they want their shirt back and then he's going to throw it back at you and then reframe it on him.
Flip it on [00:25:00] him. The real question is, or why are you so focused on me? I had a guy the other day. Ask me, he's bro, don't you ever train legs? Cause I, Kirsten, I got some skinny ass legs, right? Like deer legs. Don't you ever train your legs? I'm like, bro, why are you so focused on my legs? It's a little creepy.
Are you staring at my legs? Are you secretly obsessed with me? So it's always about the other. And this is a big thing I teach is about the other, about the other. So anytime they throw it at you, throw it back at them. They question you question them. And this goes into this other thing I wanted to talk about called requests.
Women are going to ask you for favors. Boys. You're like epiphany Kristen? Oh my God, I do this all the time. They're gonna ask you for favors. If you do the favor, you look like a floor mat. You look like a yes, man. If you don't do the favor, you look like a dick. So what do you do when you're in a nightclub and the girl's can you get me, can you get me a napkin from the bar?
What you do is you have her do a favor for you first. So what I always do is yes. Ask me in an Australian accent. So she's Mark, can you get me [00:26:00] a napkin from the bar? I'll be like, for sure. Ask me an Australian accent. And she'd be like, can you give me a napkin from a bar or whatever? And I'll be like right away, ma'am.
Like a boomerang. I'll be back in one minute. And then I go get it and get her the napkin. So you could do the favor, but you have to show your favor must be earned. Your favor must be earned because you're an unapologetic man who isn't trying to supplicate to her, blow smoke up her ass, fluff her feathers, or put her on a pedestal.
So she asks you, can you help me move? You have a truck and a lot of guys would be like, okay, if I help her move, I'm going to get laid. And then he helps her move and she calls over the other dude and he has sex with her and he's what the fuck? I just helped her move her entire house. The reason she lost attraction for you is because it shows that you don't have a strong enough reality and you're trying to earn her endearment by doing her favors.
So I've helped girls move, but you know what I got out of it? Two, two steak dinners. At the nicest steakhouse that we could possibly get. And I was like, yeah, I'll help you move. I have [00:27:00] a truck. I've got all the tools. I got you, but you're taking me to two steak dinners. And I'm talking Mastro's both times.
And I'm getting the fricking Tomahawk, baby. If that's not good, if that's not cool, cool. Find somebody else. And that shows that you're masculine, you're confident in yourself. You're willing to lead her. You're not to be fucked with. As I always say, you have boundaries, but at the same time, You can help her move.
You're a masculine man who is strong and can do this, but your favorite must be earned. And that's a huge aspect of frame control too. So studying it, getting to know it, practicing it oftentimes with friends. I guarantee you boys, women have done this to you before, and perhaps you didn't know what was happening.
And if you lost a woman, it could be because of this.
Kirsten Trammell: Okay, this is I feel like so genius on many levels because As you're describing this for one it adds an element in The examples you use of playfulness, right? Like you're at the bar and you're asking and it makes it you mix your interactions more [00:28:00] fun. First of all, and it's also kind of, you know, I would imagine if a guy flips something on me, it kind of makes you a little flustered, which kind of activates you as well.
And then also, you know, the example with the truck, it's also showing that you're, Yeah. You're like, yeah, I'm so happy to help you. And also let's spend time together. Let's, you know, and so it's deepening the connection along the way to while you're still staying in who you are.
Mark Sing: that's right.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. This is genius.
Mark Sing: I didn't think of it myself. This has been in the community for a while. I did come up with a few of my own, this is, this is the central tenet of NLP, which is reframing that something comes in like a bad belief system, reframe it into a good belief system. Why wouldn't you do that? If you know that your beliefs are controlling your life, why wouldn't Why wouldn't you do that?
And if a woman tries to impose a frame on you, or even a friend or a [00:29:00] coworker, reframe it on them. You are not to be fucked with. That's something I say all the time in my podcast. Like boys, believe in you. You are the prize. You're the hot guy. When have you last allowed yourself to think that? Some guys listening have never thought that.
I'm the hot guy that doesn't feel right at all. Make it feel right because when it does feel right, when you do identify with that, when that's your frame, you telegraph that to women and they will get attracted to you in ways I can't even explain. My clients come up to me and they're like, dude, I cannot believe what happened.
This is a sex show. So I'm a cool to talk about sex. I had a guy who was he worked in a hotel. And he did some work. He came into my program and was doing work. I think he was in week five and we do NLP along with teaching frame. And it's a big transformation. And he said that he was a hotel worker and a random woman who was attractive, pulled her into his room or pulled him into her room and gave him a blow job.
With [00:30:00] very few words and he's like dude, you just put me into a porn movie, bro Like my life is like crazy now and I said, yeah, that's cuz when you shift Into that dude who is that unapologetic presence who's masculine and has frame Everything changes and you don't have to go work out or get rich or anything like that.
Grow taller, get hair on your head. I understand some guys look like a chicken McNugget with tits. And I dare say I look like that sometimes too. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. It's all about behavior and belief systems.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. And I thought I just had is if someone was listening and maybe I could see how someone might think perhaps that this is like deflecting or like when you flip it on them or something like that, or a way to not connect. How do you, what would you say to that?
Mark Sing: If they ask you in a genuine way. So why don't you have a girlfriend, Mark? I'm genuine. I say, Oh, you know, I'm actually [00:31:00] looking for one. I just haven't met somebody I connected with. So it's the difference where if she challenges you, then you deflect, reflect, put it back on her, such as why don't you have a girlfriend?
Which, which I get all the time. And then what do I say? I agree and amplify. It's called a green on fly. I say, cause I'm a really bad kisser. I do the helicopter tongue maneuver, the jackhammer tongue maneuver. And when I go down on girls, I don't understand why this doesn't work out for me, but. I bite the clitoris.
Isn't that what you're supposed to do? You're supposed to bite that thing. I don't get why no girls like it. That's why I don't have a girlfriend. So that that's agree and amplify, which means make it a hundred times worse.
It's that agree and amplify. But if she's genuine and she's trying to connect, yes, you connect. It's not all about. Being and a lot of guys misinterpret this they think okay frame control is me not to be fucked with I gotta be a dick And throw things back at everybody. No, in fact, and I told this to one of my one of my employees today I said listen, the biggest essence of frame control is being a kind person And being the person who's least affected by [00:32:00] negativity, the least reactive, you're on your inner balance point.
You're seeded into who you are. So other people's negativity can affect you. So when she's Oh my God, why are you wearing that shirt? And I laugh and I say, look, I know you're trying to take off my shirt, but relax. It's that joyful kind of playfulness that shows I'm above those challenges. But if she comes to me in a genuine way and wants to connect, hell yeah, we're all about that.
And this goes into a concept. I, I call it T, A concept I call push pull, where sometimes you're pushing her away and sometimes you're pulling her in. And that needs to be the dynamic. There's a, there's that tension there, that flow of like hot, cold, push, pull, sexual tension. The push part is when she's challenging me, trying to push me, I'm going to push her back.
She pulls me in, I'm pulling her in too. And what's interesting about seduction is your moves towards a woman are dictated by when she's ready. Okay. Thank you. When she's ready to kiss, you, kiss when she's ready to do [00:33:00] something sexual, you take her there, but you lead her there, you lead her to where she wants to be led on her terms.
So it's that nebulous somewhat challenging dynamic to learn, but once you get it, it's rinse and repeat. My guys. Just click it off again and again and just learning it, it, it does take it several weeks to get there.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. No, I appreciate that distinction. And okay. You just mentioned leading women to where they want to be led. And I am thinking to myself, We are very confusing, even for ourselves. Sometimes we don't even know where we want to be led. So how can, what is up with the leading women to where they want to be led?
Mark Sing: So we need to learn how to read women and their signs. And women do telegraph signs pretty obviously, once you get to know what the signs are. But this is why I always say this, I say this to my podcast listeners. I say, listen, a lot of you guys are what I call podcast jockeys. You listen to podcast after podcast, [00:34:00] get all this information.
And I will admit, I do give a ton of info, tangible things like what I've been talking about today for guys to use in the field. But until you get in the field. And actually experience it. Nothing much is going to change. So this is why I invite people to come work with me, where we put you out there. You're talking to multiple women.
And what I always say too, is from quantity comes quality, not only quality women, but quality of your interactions. So you got to get out there and experience it. One first date with a girl where she's doing certain things and you can come back and report to me what those were is infinitely more valuable than the Then 10 podcast episodes, although in those episodes, you're going to get a lot of, of skills and techniques.
You got to get out there and get the experience. And we also do what I call approach and eject, which is how to approach a woman with zero chance of rejection. And this gets guys used to the notion of approaching women, talking to them. You realize most people are [00:35:00] cool when you're cool to them. You realize that strangers are friends I haven't met yet.
And it's that mentality that gets you interacting. And the more experience you get, the more you can read it, but it's not super difficult because as I said, you just said, sometimes we don't even know what we want consciously. You may not know what you want, but subconsciously you do. And you communicate it quite inadvertently without even your conscious knowledge, just leaning in your head, tilted slightly, right?
Kind of licking your lips, like exactly as you are right now, you're interested in the conversation. If you weren't interested, you may be lean back with your arms crossed, kind of looking around. But I can tell that. We're connecting here that you're liking what we're talking about and it's not that tough to read.
If I found from you, you didn't like it drop it and ask, let you ask another question because you just need to learn to read the person, which comes from experience and getting the training.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's something that I've noticed where sometimes and I have friends, [00:36:00] you know, we're all out dating and things like that. And we'll have that thought of, are they even aware? Of are they reading us at all? Whether you're into the person or not and sometimes someone will, you know, try to kiss you and you're like, where did that even come
Mark Sing: Yeah. Yeah.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, it's interesting and I'm sure everyone's out there trying to figure out how to read each other at the same time consciously or not.
Mark Sing: lot of guys get it wrong. They, they totally misread the situation and that's what I'm here to help men avoid. And it's, it's pretty easy to avoid. So I have to ask you just out of curiosity, why don't you have a boyfriend?
Kirsten Trammell: People ask me this all the time and this is what I tell people is that. I truly am happy with myself and I'm happy when I'm in a relationship, and I also haven't met someone that I want to be in a relationship with right now.
Mark Sing: I like it. It's a good reason. Shows that you're self dependent, right? You don't need another person to make you feel complete in yourself. And that, that is extremely attractive. [00:37:00] So have you found just out of curiosity that it's hard for you to find a guy who kind of does it for you and clicks all those switches in the right way?
Yeah, I think more guys just need the education. Unfortunately, this stuff isn't taught. We're not pulled aside in ninth grade and taught, okay, this is how you read a woman correctly and lead her to where she wants to be led. So that's the work I'm trying to do to try to teach guys that. I'll introduce you to some men that I know perhaps who do understand these things.
Kirsten Trammell: And I, it's been funny because as you've been sharing this, I recently went on I went on a date with someone and in my mind as you've been talking, I'm like, This person shouldn't talk to you. Because he was, that person was so, so handsome.
A seemingly great guy had a lot going for him, seemed like he did a lot of interesting things, was kind, good looking all of the things people think that you want, and When you were sharing the frame holding piece and just the leading, the leading, [00:38:00] there was none of that was unfolding. And it was very uncomfortable for me.
And I felt because it wasn't happening, I had to step into this sort of leading the conversation leading the day. I was like, this is not good. But I left there thinking to myself this is a great guy. And he probably is wondering why he is alone. And in my mind, I'm like, it's because of this.
Mark Sing: Yes. Totally. And you're so feminine. You really, in my opinion, need that dude who can lead and not in a domineering disrespectful way. It's again, leading you to where you want to be led, showing you a good time. And you just being like, ah, he's taking care of it. Good. Let me just enjoy this. So yeah, it's tough to find we should, you and I should do an affiliate plan where you go on dates with dudes and they mess up and you refer them to me.
And then I kick you like part of the part of the money. That would be pretty funny. Cause yeah, it's, it's the struggle is real, man. It's, it's hard out there for a lot of guys and not their fault, right?
Like this [00:39:00] poor guy, good looking, successful, yada, yada, but he doesn't understand what he doesn't understand. And he's like, why the fuck can't I meet a girl who likes me? It sucks on both sides. It sucks for him. It sucks for you. So let's get people educated. And that's my purpose here.
Kirsten Trammell: I love it. I love it. Yeah. And there's kind of one last topic that I wanted to address with you is this piece of of dominance and Like, how you like to guide men in that space with women?
Mark Sing: So can you clarify a little bit dominance in what respect?
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah I think that when, when people hear that word, there's this negative connotation to it. And I think that in some ways that it being a dominant individual can be supportive and desirable. But I'm curious of what your perspective is on it.
Mark Sing: The way I always look at the relationship between a man and a woman, and I don't know if you know, but I'm basically married. I have my dream woman. We haven't gotten married yet, but we have a four year old daughter together. [00:40:00] And I always say that the man should be like the rock of Gibraltar in the middle of the ocean, steadfast, sturdy, unaffected, imperturbable on his inner balance point in his frame.
And the women, the woman who he has is kind of like the ocean hitting up against it. If it's rough, he's still there. If it's calm, he's still there. He's unaffected. So it's about holding that very strong space for a woman. And in my opinion, that's dominance dominance, not over her. But dominance over the dynamic and the relationship where he is the rock of Gibraltar and she can rely on him and count on him no matter what the situation.
And as I always say, leading her to where she wants to be led, such as in the bedroom. If we're talking about dominance in the bedroom, you read her and know what she likes and bring her there. Take her to that experience. And always, my rule is always try [00:41:00] to make her calm. And in my own case, as many times as possible before I come, which is, which is the essence of masculinity, masculinity.
It's actually quite nurturing. It has some femininity in it where it takes care of first. You look at silverback gorilla tribes, the most nurturing, loving individual in that tribe isn't the mothers of the children. It's the alpha silverback. If the kid falls off a tree, he's the first one to go over and console that child.
Make sure everybody is good. Make fights non existent in the community because he's that rocket Gibraltar. So being dominant isn't yielding your power. It's being that strong space where other people can try their power and you lead them to it safely. And when you have that with a woman, she will unconsciously get attracted to that in ways I can't even explain gentlemen.
So that would be my thoughts on dominance.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. [00:42:00] I've never heard anyone describe that. that nurturing piece of it. And it's so true. In the experiences I've had with men that are in that state, there is like this level of compassion and, and care that's there. Yeah.
Mark Sing: it's from love. It's from love, right? Love is the strongest, most powerful emotion. And to get spiritual, I believe that we are love and we come into this experience to wake up to that. So masculinity is love. Femininity is love. It's just different aspects of it. But being a masculine man and again, leading unapologetically is so attractive and that's frame.
So what I'd love to leave them in today is to question your thoughts. Think about all those things in your life that have been produced and whether or not those are worthy of you and your desires. And if not, then choose the root belief system that created them. Also be unapologetic and accept yourself as if [00:43:00] you chose exactly how you are.
When negative belief systems come up, say a race that And replace it with the better belief system. Practice frame control with your idiot friends who are going to be challenging you. And certainly if a woman ever tries to get you to jump through a hoop, make her jump through a hoop first, and don't be afraid to be who you are and set up boundaries.
Because you brother are, and I always tell this to my boys, you are so much more attractive than you give yourself credit for. It's not that you're naturally unattractive to women. If indeed you are struggling, it's that you just don't know the rules and how to step into who you are naturally without apology.
Get that right. Everything changes.
Kirsten Trammell: Wow. Mark, thank you so much for being here today. This has truly been amazing. And I know you mentioned your podcast, but if you can share where everybody can find you if they want to keep connecting with you, .
Mark Sing: Just go check out my podcast. I really try to give good. Good advice, immediately, quick upfront, no fluff, [00:44:00] no commercials.
I don't have sponsors. I just get right into it. Yeah. I talk about my three months coaching program sometimes, which is a possibility if you listen to me and you feel like you resonate with me, but when it comes to NLP, which I create a custom, Three month NLP protocol for all my clients when they work with me for the three months.
When it comes to NLP, it's based on rapport. So the more podcast episodes you can listen to before you apply to work with me is, is better. So I always tell people just go over to the unapologetic man podcast. Again, if you could spell unapologetic, congratulations, you deserve all the gold that I drop over there and check it out, man.
I got 540 plus episodes. Click on the ones that resonate with you. If you like it, cool. If not, All good too, but always remember frame control because it is the most important thing.
Kirsten Trammell: Awesome. Yeah. Your show is incredible. So definitely everybody go check that out. I future you listen to this and thank you again, Mark, for being here.
Mark Sing: Thank you for having me. It was a lot of fun.
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