The One Simple Word You MUST Use to Make Her Desire You
Here is a simple practice that will make your woman desire you (and respect you) more than ever.
This week, tune in to explore the power of setting boundaries, saying “no” and maintaining personal integrity within a romantic relationship. Whether you are consistently giving in to your woman’s requests and demands or feeling pressured to make your woman happy no matter what this episode is for you.
This isn’t about withholding love, tune in to hear guidance on how to discern when to establish a boundary and when to provide. Its time to let resentment become an experience of the past and step into standing firm on who you are and what you value most. This episode is sure to inspire not only you but that special someone you’re with too!
Key Topics:
00:00 Introduction: Facing Disappointment
00:52 The Nice Guy Syndrome
01:45 Setting Boundaries and Avoiding Resentment
02:58 The Importance of Boundaries in Relationships
03:46 Women Want Men with Boundaries
06:16 The Cement Pillar Analogy
06:44 Expressing Emotions and Needs
07:02 Understanding Women's Testing
08:05 Control and Respect in Relationships
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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] You're a woman is disappointed. She's disappointed in you. Uh, disappointed in your behavior, disappointed in you. Forgetting to do something. She's disappointed in you saying no to her? What do you do in the moment when faced with this potential disappointment? Do you take on the challenge of her? I occasionally being led down. Or do you cave? And give her exactly what she wants. Welcome back to the naked connection.
This is the show that supports driven men to reach sexual mastery and build deep connections. What's up, you guys, it's your soon to be licensed sex therapist, Kiersten here. And in this episode, we will be breaking down what to do when faced with a yes or no with your woman.
Within all of this avoiding disappointment here. There can be a lot of nice guy stuff. If you are [00:01:00] continually avoiding the moment of disappointing her and instead giving her what she wants. Potentially at the detriment to you and what you want. So ask yourself, are you trying to avoid moments of disappointment with her? Maybe you say yes to watching love is blind or hour after hour of some real Housewives show on Bravo. You say yes to joining her with her friends at dinner only to find out that all of her friends are girls and you're the only guy there.
And you basically are there to take pictures of them all night. You're eating top us. For $25 for every bite you take. You were saying yes to playing pickleball with her. When what you really want to be doing is playing basketball with your guys.
You don't say no. You don't set boundaries around what you really truthfully know will eventually build resentment towards her. You're telling yourself that you have to get it right. All of the time in order to be with her. [00:02:00] And that is just complete B as it is.
And so in this moment, if you are feeling connected to what I'm sharing, if you're actually feeling maybe even a little bit called out, that's good because this matters so much.
And the truth is that I have been with these guys. I have dated men who will say yes to anything that I choose. And personally. I really don't like it. It doesn't feel good for me.
You might be thinking this is pretty harsh. Isn't wanting your woman to be happy. Uh, good thing, you know, happy wife, happy life. However that saying is. And yes, you want your woman to be happy and taking care of, to feel provided for, to feel safe and protected. Yes, you do. But. Catering to her every need and ideal.
Isn't the way to get there. Taking it upon yourself to believe that you are the sole responsibility for her overall [00:03:00] happiness and needs is actually shockingly the opposite of what makes women actually want to be with a man. You have a great goal and vision in mind, but the execution isn't leading down the path of success. So here's the reality. Most of us women.
We really want two things.
Number one. To be with a man who is going to have boundaries. That is not afraid to say no to you. You know, I am studying to be a licensed therapist and in therapy, we actually talk about the dynamic between children and parents. And how a child is really looking to test the boundaries. To figure out what is a yes.
And what is a no. And they actually want to be able to lean up against the walls, lean up against the boundaries of their parents. And that actually can be really grounding and really stabilizing. And I think the same [00:04:00] is true here. No, you're not their parent. However, you are an individual that showing where your walls are that showing what boundaries you have. The vision that comes to me is imagining. You're blindfolded and you're placed in a room and you're trying to figure out, well, how large is this room that I'm in? Where are the walls? Where can I take a break and just sit up against the wall? But the room that you're in, no matter which direction you go or how far you're walking, you're not finding any walls and suddenly the further and further you're going. The more, you might start thinking. Where am I actually, am I even in a room and the farther and farther you go in this room with this blindfold on the more fearful. You might become.
And I think that that is exactly what can happen when a woman is trying to figure out what boundaries a man has.
So if you have no boundaries, if you have no walls to your room, she is eventually going to not only walk all over you. [00:05:00] But she is going to eventually walk away from you up to someone else's door.
Secondly women wants to be with a man that has a strong frame. We want to know that we can feel upset and angry, hurt not. Okay. And then we can bring these emotions to you and know that you're not going to either lose it or shut down and check out. On a previous episode with the amazing Jamie Ray, we actually talked about this and he spoke about. How women are like water, where this flowing, crashing around element that has a lot of movement.
Some days it's really calm and some days it's the tsunami. Okay. Some days it's a hurricane and we want a man that's a cement pillar built into the ground that no matter how we flow and how we crash around. That you are going to be stable and strong that you're going to stand your ground no matter what. And.
[00:06:00]
And I want to share, as you're listening to this, you might be thinking a couple of things.
So as a caveat, I want to share the both of these pieces. It's not to say that a man can't express emotions or have their own. Needs and moments with their partner. And also it isn't to say that you need to become this punching bag with this woman to just take hit after hit, after hit that she's sending your way. You know, David data talks about. You know, David data in his book way of the superior man, he actually talks about this, how women were testing you. And. Look, I know that that sucks.
I got it. No one wants to feel like they're being tested all the time. No one wants to be tested. Every time they're turned around the corner. And I understand that. And I will say, I think a lot of the times in women's defense, it's a subconscious thing that we're doing. And I think it's important to reflect on why is this happening?
Well, I think that the testing that. A [00:07:00] woman testing to see if she'll get a yes or a no from your testing to see where are your boundaries? Where are your walls? Are you a strong cement pillar? Are you this soft? Wood old log in the water, you know? What's in it for her is really to determine a couple of things.
One, is she safe with you? To what kind of man are you? And three. Kenji depend on you. So. What does all of this mean? It's all about. Control. It comes back to who is in control, who has the power. In this dynamic.
And if a woman knows that you won't and that you don't hold your ground on your values, on your morals, on what is important to you. Then she has control. She has 100% control over you and over the relationship. And this changes our relationship. Simply put [00:08:00] she no longer has to have respect for you.
Someone who is time and time, again, willing to forego what is important to them to make someone else happy. Likely doesn't respect themselves. And it's kind of hard for people to respect someone when they don't even respect themselves. And now I will say this, some women are into this. Some women wants to play that masculine dynamic role in a relationship.
They want the respect. They want to be respected and they want to cherish you. There's this very old school book called getting to I do. And the other speaks about how the feminine individual in the relationship really craves being cherished. And the masculine individual in the relationship really wants to be respected. And this feminine, masculine thing, it doesn't necessarily have to be based on whether you're a man or a woman or how you identify, but [00:09:00] it's really more about which type of rule you're choosing to play. And the thing here is that you can't have both. You really have to pick one.
Do you want to be respected or do you want to be cherished? And look, that's totally fine. If you're listening to this thinking, I want to be cherished. I want to look up to my woman and do what she says and feel so much respect for her when we are together. Great. Do that. I will say that that is more the exception to the general rule and relationship dynamics. Most women crave a man with a sense of power, strength, and integrity, and most women have this innate desire to be so deeply cherished. And even if the results of this type of strong, powerful man with integrity is some disappointment. She likely wants that. She's tried her tricks and it didn't work.
You know, maybe she tried to get you to go to the mean girls musical or to [00:10:00] go big hat shopping with her before the summer. And guess what? You are okay with that. You and guess what? You are okay with the disappointment that you have to give her. And guess what. You're okay. With the disappointment that she might experience. Because you're that pillar that's strong. You're that pillar that's strong.
And that turns towards her and says, I'm actually going to decline you go have fun. I love you. And maybe she expresses her disappointment. And you can say, thank you so much for sharing how you feel. I can see how that would be disappointing and. I'm still not going to go buy hats with you. Truly try this out.
It might be incredibly uncomfortable for you. Great. Because chances are, if you try this out, she is actually going to really appreciate this. Maybe at first in the moment she might not. But deep down, she [00:11:00] is going to respect your decision. She was going to look at you like, wow. He isn't going to cave into my, every desire. That's actually kind of really hot. He's standing in who he is. So my invitation for you is to consider.
What is something in your dynamic right now that you actually aren't interested in continuing.
If you're in a relationship, maybe there's some Sunday activity that you would really rather not do. Or if you're single, maybe it's agreeing to go on these date activities that you actually aren't excited by whatever that is.
The next time the invitation from her comes you're away. Say no. And maybe she'll say, but don't you want me to be happy you, or maybe she'll say, but you did it last week with me. What's why not now what's going on. [00:12:00] And you can respond and say something like, Hey, you know, I noticed that. This is an actually something that I'm interested in. I want you to go have the best time I want you to fully enjoy this.
And how about this? We'll do X, Y, Z together tomorrow. I love you.
And stand firm in your decision. I wanted.
I want to share a few examples from my own life. Around this that I think might be a little helpful. I once dated a guy in the past, who at first really fell into this bucket of doing whatever I wanted. He really followed me around like a little puppy. Which might sound really cute, but I actually hated it. And in the course of our dynamic, he started to say, no, he started to build his boundaries.
He started to show me where his walls were. One time. He said no to going on this ski trip, which I didn't even want to go on. And [00:13:00] I was like, oh, Okay. That's really hot while I was so disappointed that he didn't come.
It was, it was okay because. I knew that he was standing in his truth and it was actually really, really inspiring for me to witness someone that was able to say, no,
And it's, it comes back to this piece of. You know what you want. You know what you don't want and you are actually living that out.
And it, that totally changed how I saw him.
And another example is some dynamic that I have with my dad. My mom and I like to go shopping as mother and daughters do. And sometimes we'll try to get him to come shopping with us. And 80% of the time he is like, Get out of here. [00:14:00] No, I'm not doing that. You guys go, Hey, go do your thing. I'm going to watch the basketball game.
I'm going to have a beer on the porch. Enjoy. And it's great. Because he's living the truth of who he is. And then this is the really important part. The 20% of the time that he does come along. But he does say yes. It's great. Because he's into it. He's there he's present. He's picking things out with us. We have a lot of fun with it.
And.
The reason I share this is because of two important things.
This conversation today, isn't to say, say no to everything that she wants all of the time. Yes, obviously there are moments of, and there are necessary compromises in any kind of relationship dynamic. We sometimes do things that we don't want to, and that's okay. And I think you have to use a little discernment, right?
[00:15:00] So maybe. Your girl, she just lost her favorite uncle. And she's really sad. And she wants to watch her favorite shitty reality TV show. And for you to just hold her. Saying yes to that. It's going to be really different than it's her regular Thursday night. And she wants to vege out vibe of invitation. So discerning between the two and recognizing that this isn't saying no to somebody all the time. And the second piece is looking at this example with my dad.
Is that when he says yes, he means it. I know that he genuinely wants to do it because he can. And because he does say no when he doesn't want to. So I can actually trust his yes. I believe that he means his yes. And the thing is women. We can read when someone isn't being truthful, whether it's conscious or not.
And I actually believe that men as well, you can too, you can discern when, when a [00:16:00] woman is, is saying she's into something, but she really isn't. I believe that deep down you can discern that and you can tell. And if you were saying yes to everything all the time with her. It makes the yeses meaningless in the long run. So if you're willing to say no. She can better trust your yeses later on. All right.
I hope that this has been insightful in some way. Get out there, be willing to say no, be that cement pillar have those walls and boundaries and see what happens in your relationship. See what shifts for you? See what shows up. And do not forget to submit your question, your story, your topic. That you would like to have discussed on the podcast@thenakedconnection.com backslash question.
And also you guys, please, if you haven't yet, if anything, from this show so far, or maybe even this episode has been supportive for you, it would mean so [00:17:00] much. If you would leave a review. Drop a comment to start the conversation with all of the other epic guys that are here. This is Kiersten Trammell.
And until next time. Let's get some.