How Psychedelics Impact Love, Connections And Sex
Curious about using psychedelics to enhance your sex and love life?
Tune in to talk with Dr. Steven Radowitz, a psychotherapist who specializes in using psychedelics to foster better intimate connections and address issues like performance anxiety, ED, and intimacy challenges.
Whether you are curious about psychedelics in general or are looking for new ways to connect and experience your relationships, this episode has insight for you. And while psychedelics may be a more controversial topic, Dr. Steven and Kirsten discuss nonsubstance alternatives and various ways to enhance your overall intimate life.
Key Topics:
00:51 Exploring Psychedelics and Sex
04:56 Understanding Ketamine and Other Psychedelics
07:46 The Impact of Psychedelics on Relationships
10:23 Psychedelics and Personal Growth
13:48 Integration and Aftercare
17:50 Practical Advice for Using Psychedelics
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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00]
Sometimes in sex, you want to show up differently. But you aren't able to get there. Maybe you want to let your walls down and connect more with your partner. Maybe you want to be more comfortable with your body and being naked.
Sometimes in relationships, you hit a wall, things aren't going any deeper and no matter what you try, nothing seems to work. It's like, knowing that it's possible to change, but not having the answer in front of you. Well, in this episode, we are going to explore one way to create that change,
welcome back to the naked connection. This is the show that supports driven men to reach sexual mastery and build deeper connections. It's Kiersten your soon to be licensed therapist. And in this episode, we are exploring psychedelics and sex.
To have this conversation, Dr. Steven Aids is here. Dr. Steven has practiced internal medicine for over 20 years and has come to Z the power of psychedelics for [00:01:00] treating things like PTSD mood disorders, and really just improving mental health and wellbeing overall. And yes, that includes relationships and sex. And I want to share a small disclaimer. I understand that this topic might not be for everyone. However, there are actually ways to benefit from this conversation without taking any psychedelics ever. So perhaps consider tuning in, or maybe listening to challenge yourself in a space that you wouldn't normally hang out. All right, you guys let's get some.
Dr. Steven Radowitz, welcome to the Naked Connection. We're really excited to have you here with us today.
Thank you for having me. Appreciate it.
I know you have such a life of experience and a wealth of knowledge. And I know part of your work has been treating opiate addiction and now moving into [00:02:00] administering psychedelics, particularly ketamine as a healing modality.
I'm curious, I know I'm sure the people are listening would wonder how might one go through that transition or that shift and if you could explain how you came to see psychedelics as this potentially revolutionary tool to healing, to improving our well being, to intimacy, to relationships.
I actually started off as more of an internist. I'm in a primary care doctor internist. I worked in hospitals as a hospitalist on HIV wars and, , in the inner cities of New York and then ran a heroin and alcohol detox unit and so I dealt with that and then went into
private practice. I worked in a private clinic and then worked at a bank Goldman Sachs. I did their primary care program in all these places. I dealt with a lot of mental health issues and I saw over the years how mental health was being treated and mistreated, , often.
As different medications came on board, I start to see the number of medications people were putting on started to escalate over those years. And I had a big problem. People would come back to me when I was sort of like zoned out, on these [00:03:00] anti psychotics and all these other things.
And, so I stopped sending a lot of my patients, I'd stop sending them to psychiatrists because I found that they were being over prescribed. And when things didn't work, they would just keep on adding on.
So I started to get comfortable treating people with agents when necessary, but also talking to them about other things, other ways of treating them, whether it's meditation, mindfulness, spirituality, yoga, any type of things that they can also work on helping rebalance their life in other ways without needing a substance and then take them off when they were not working.
So I got into that, and over the years, I had a number of my patients use psychedelics for mental health issues. And I saw incredible results with that. And even mental physical ailments , from headaches to chronic pain that often had a mental health or some type of traumatic component from their childhood.
And then when they dealt with that, their. Physical ailments or some, , the chronic pain actually resolved, completely resolved. So I saw the power in this and, COVID hit and I also worked with some of these psychedelics myself personally and [00:04:00] saw the incredible potential in them and the safety in them.
A friend of mine who I'd done some of this work with came to me and said, I'm opening up a, psychedelic wellness center. This was at the beginning of COVID and we saw that this is going to be a massive issue with mental health and that's how I got into it. Yeah, and it's been an amazing experience.
Wow, yeah, I'm just thinking as we get into this conversation, knowing that there are so many different types of substances that could be classified as psychedelic. If you. It could breakdown of ketamine since that is the one that is I suppose legally usable that you administer in your facility now just so people have an understanding of what that is and looks like.
Yeah, I think ketamine it was developed as a an anesthetic agent to help put people under for surgery and over the years they found that it was actually having incredible effects on people's mood, like people with mood disorders. Their mood disorders were improving pain, chronic people with chronic pain also had incredible effects and addiction.
It was used in, in, [00:05:00] And there's a lot of studies for its use in addiction and we use in our center here. We have incredible results for people with alcohol use disorder and so various different marijuana overuse, things like that. So ketamine itself is a psychedelic. Anyone who doesn't, it really depends on the dose used, , people who use it recreationally in lower doses tends to be a little bit more euphoric, but as you escalate the dose and you use it in a proper setting with an eye mask and music and specific music.
It does bring you into a very psychedelic experience. That's very safe when used in a clinical setting. The other agents, some people have heard i'm , psilocybin or mushrooms, also psychedelics and work There's some overlap between all of these and some of the neurotransmitters, but they all have their different They're almost like different chemical keys to the ego and they help You diminish the effects or diminish the influence of the ego and allows our consciousness and the way we think to come from a much more open place.
So the way we process things, the way we process our past, the way we see the world when you're under the influence of these substances, these [00:06:00] psychedelics, it's and the word psychedelic comes from the word soul, it comes from the Latin word, soul manifesting. So it's seeing the world what they call from the soul, more soulful.
more open view of things. That's where the whole idea of psychedelics is it looks not crazy. And you can also have a psychedelic experience by just doing, certain types of breath work, doing a really good yoga, having an amazing run, during a marathon, people have psychedelic experience where you're really dissociate from the sense of self and you go into this flow state of just being really super present.
People go to, , these meditation retreats and they don't talk for a week. Yeah. People have psychedelic experience that way. Studying spirituality, some people through different spiritual, , just study could have psychedelic experience and just allows you to see the world from a different perspective.
Not from the limited perspective of the mind, of the ego, of all the trauma and things that we've carried over throughout our life, but seeing things from a much more open mode, or more deeper wisdom, more intuitive part of ourselves.
That's really beautiful, I've never heard the Latin [00:07:00] terminology described that way. And so to think about it from that perspective is really powerful. If someone's listening to this and they're wondering, okay this is really cool. What does this have to do with relationships?
What would you say?
[00:08:00] I think first, the most important relationship we have is with ourselves. So if we don't have a good relationship with ourselves and we don't know ourselves and we feel a lack within ourselves, it's going to be hard to really give to others. And often I think people get into the relationship sometimes could be for the wrong reasons.
If we're getting into a relationship thinking , I'm missing something, I'm lacking something, I need something from outside to complete me, it's very hard. So you're going into a relationship, expecting to receive something rather than to give something. We realize that, when we get to a place of wholeness, of really loving ourselves and caring about ourselves and having respect for ourselves and confidence with ourselves, then we just want to share that with someone else.
So it's you're going to a relationship with just wanting to share because I have an endless amount of this, of myself to share. I just need to give it to someone. And if you have someone on the other side also, in that state of mind saying, Hey, I, I [00:09:00] also have a lot of love.
I want to share, these two people just giving to each other. And sometimes one person will give a little more and one a little less will be in different states. We can't be in this perfect state of inner love all the time. Of course not, but the problem with being in a place where we're looking for someone to complete us, the second they pull back, the second they're not giving us what we think we need or what we want, then we say, Oh, I don't feel whole again and, and we start to be resentful.
We start to really, it starts to affect the relationship and then the fight, they all should, the issues start. And so I think that's the source of a lot of our issues.
Yeah. And I just, I know I've had personal experiences using psychedelics in, in both a, social and a more controlled, healing energy and space. And it's really one. It's really wild how something like a mushroom can really.
Connect. you to yourself and also removing you from yourself at the exact same time and the profound impact that can have on the way that you engage with other people. It's a softening or [00:10:00] there's, there's less of a guard is how I've come to describe it or experience it.
yeah, I think it is. I think it's that you realize that all these, this sort of illusion of separate is illusion of that. I'm not good enough or I'm not, and we have a lot of things we pick up from children. Someone might've said something to me as a kid, that made me feel. not enough, or my comparison to others feeling insecure about myself,
so what the, these psychedelics do is it puts all that on hold and gets us to appreciate, a deeper part of ourselves, a more whole part of ourselves without all these sort of associations we make within our brain.
And that brings us to a much more open place and that we can give to others, when we
Yeah. And I, and I was going to ask, I don't know if you do if the treatment is solo or if you do this with couples or how that could possibly look.
Yeah. I mean, I find psychedelics are such a personal experience. I've done my own personal journey work, , sometimes [00:11:00] in a group, where, but I, but usually the experience itself should be it should be a journey within yourself.
So often I like to do it where we do it here is we administer the ketamine. Alone in a room, with an eye mask, earphones, and you go into an inner experience. So really you should stay on your own, stay to yourself, stay on your mat, and you really go into that journey within yourself.
So you can be around your loved one, but I don't personally, and people will disagree with me, but I don't think you should be interacting while under the influence. of it. And then afterwards, it's that openness you feel afterwards that's really, you gain benefits. So I don't think you have to be in the room , and sometimes it could be actually harmful, , sometimes if there are problems within the relationship, people don't feel comfortable really letting go into the experience. Oh, because they don't feel adequate maybe because of things that are said, or there can be some problems. So I think, I, I really believe that, these, I think it can be an unbelievable experience for couples, but it should be a sort of two separate experiences, getting to [00:12:00] love yourself, and then you come back together and you could integrate together for sure afterwards.
But during the influence, during the under the influence, I think it's best to be separate,
okay. That's really good advice. Yeah. Because it is such an internal experience and then stepping out and being able to perhaps integrate with your partner.
right? There are exceptions, people use MDMA when there's a lot of traumatic. So MDMA is actually not technically a psychedelic. MDMA is what we call ecstasy or mind, it's a substance, it's more of an empathogen. So it brings up a very intense sense of love. You can have, , with an eye mask, if you do it very inward experience with an eye mask and earphones, you might have visions and things like that, but generally it's, that can be used.
In couples, in a sort of couple therapy situation, where people actually, they, They do, and both people are in a very empathetic state where they can talk out some of their issues and some of the places where they've been stuck and find that love for each other. So in that case, I think it can work very well.
Yeah. [00:13:00] Yeah. It's just so interesting. I've worked at um, Like every, so every three months I go to this retreat center in Colorado where
use psychedelic substances like psilocybin, LSD, MDMA, and ketamine in various, just very dependent on the person in this situation.
And so sometimes there will be couples there that are using MDMA specifically, and then they can really engage in this. experience in this dialogue and accessing things that they normally couldn't access and then also creating something new together.
Yeah. Yeah. I think so. In that case, yeah, that's a different, it's a different experience and to be beautiful and often in certain psychedelic circles, they'll use different things. They'll mix , MDMA as a heart opener and then some psilocybin where you do more of a deep dive within yourself. Some of these things could be a little difficult, , even ketamine as you escalate the dose, psilocybin, they can be challenging experiences if you have things to work on. It's not there to cover up or to flip over, it's there to really go , and go into the places where we need to do the [00:14:00] work.
And that can be hard sometimes at the beginning, but very rewarding and helpful. Yeah. If it's properly integrated. Yeah.
yeah, yeah. And maybe we can get to that integration piece in a moment. What's coming up in my mind right now is I know a lot of of men that I've worked with or listened to the show have written in or spoken to me about, , just feeling these blocks to being more vulnerable, feeling these blocks to being able to open up more with their partner.
And I'm wondering just from this conversation of better understanding the specifics of the substances, how selecting what you're going to be using could be really powerful to help move through that specifically.
Yeah. I mean, I think vulnerable. Things that, you know, we only feel vulnerable because we don't feel safe, , or we, for whatever reason during our life, you know, these, these emotions are not things that are, we're comfortable with or comfortable, and it brings up old situations we don't know how to, we don't know how to work through, we don't know how to handle.
So when you do these, some of these psychedelics and ketamine, You move beyond it. You almost step outside of it. You see it very [00:15:00] objectively sometimes. You might feel the emotions, but the emotion is not really linked anymore, any longer to a past memory. So you process the emotion separate from the memory and then you separate and then you just, they sort of dissolve away.
So things that would normally make me feel If you feel insecure in any way, , you sort of work through, they no longer do that. You don't get triggered as much into that insecurity. And that's what really, really helps. We call it a neuroplastic process. It opens up the, the, the neuro fat, these pathways.
One of them, you might have heard a lot in, , in Michael Pollan's book how to change. I'm looking at this, I have it on my desk, how to change your mind. I always forget the name of the book. But you know, it's called the default mode network that creates these sort of patterns in our brain that connects past memories with emotions.
And it does so to sort of protect us. You know, in life, if, , something bad happens, that'll, That'll be associated with a memory. So the memory of that bad event will be connected to emotion. So next time I see something that even resembles that, it'll trigger an emotion [00:16:00] to help me alter my behavior to get away from that dangerous situation.
But a lot of those situations, maybe as a child, the parents said something or might have been exposed to a divorce or very difficult, abuse or whatever it is. And the parents are there for our survival. If we don't feel our parents are not there and not supportive of us, we don't feel safe. And that gets programmed in the brain through these default mode network situation.
And, and so anything we start to see the world is a very unsafe place. Adults. loved ones, people we even have relationships with, we see them as unsafe because my parents didn't love me. How's this person going to love me? I'm not good enough. And so that gets wired in. So what the ketamine does and some of these other psychedelics do is they open up, it numbs the default mode network and it decouples the memories from the emotions and allows us to create new pathways, new, I guess new connections.
So in the future, when we see things that would normally trigger us into a certain emotion based on a passive memory, no longer do so it doesn't get rid of the memories. It doesn't get rid of the emotions. It just decouples them. And it gives a little bit of [00:17:00] space, a little bit of buffer to say, okay, how do I want to see this situation?
Maybe this is not so dangerous. So I don't go right into this place of fear. I can actually have time to determine how I want to see the situation or that person or my loved one in front of me. Or what they said to me, rather than from a place of, you know, it's bad from a more open place. And then I'm more likely to respond in the way I truly want to respond to from a place of safety from a place of where I am today, not where I was as a child.
It's like updating the operating system in a way. And our operating system, we update our phone, we update our computer, you know, with the, we don't update this computer and this is a computer, , so we're still working with, with algorithms that were built in from when we were children. that's
coding. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, we've had a couple of episodes on this show about attachment styles and it sounds like a piece of what you're describing here is really repairing some of the damage or the wounds or the [00:18:00] experiences that could make us anxious or avoidant or influence the way that we engage with relationships.
In general.
Yeah,
Yeah. And, okay, I'm thinking we talk, on this show we talk about sex a lot, and I'm wondering, what would an experience with a psychedelic like ketamine or otherwise do to improve our sex lives?
I think it brings you into more presence, more intimacy, I mean, we could have sex without intimacy. Of course, it's not as fulfilling. I mean, people could use porn, porn all the time, but any man tells you, you use it for it. There's no, after you're done, it's this, there's something missing.
There's like an emptiness, a hole, you know? So when you have the sex without the intimacy, it's just sort of, you know, Yeah, there's something missing. But when you're, when you're really present in a sexual experience, and you mix that intimacy with emotion, with feeling, with an openness, with a vulnerability, and you let go into that, after you're done, you're like, oh my god, you're left with this sort of bonding.
It [00:19:00] actually increases the bonding. You know, increases the connection. Sex is, I think, is a tool that the, we're born with to allow, to connect people, to bring love between, or to bring the intimacy again, or to bring the couple back together. That's what it's for. It's there to, okay, to procreate is one thing.
I think it's also beyond that. If it was just procreate, after, our proative years, , our sex drives would just go to nothing and we wouldn't need it anymore. But we still have that even in much later on in our later years in the eighties there, people having very good sex, not as often and not as, but it can be very good and, and very intense, but hopefully there's more love, more connection.
So I think that psychedelics could really bring that connection, that intimacy back into the sex and, and have a better balance between the. excitement and the excitement of sex with the intimacy and the tenderness of sex. And I think that's where it can really help, you know.
This is, and it's interesting after, , speaking about how this can be an experience where we're really looking at our relationship with ourself and shifting some of the pieces of [00:20:00] ourselves because just taking that and then understanding, looking at things like performance anxiety or, sexual dysfunctions like P.
E. or E. D. and how psychological those can be as well. I don't know if you've ever worked with anyone who's reported changes in that after going through a treatment or yeah,
Yeah, they have. And, I mean, I think ED, what is it? It's just not letting go. It's we're too hyper aware, we're too focused. We have a nervous system. We have a sympathetic nervous system and a parasympathetic nervous system. It's best when they're balanced.
But when when we're in sympathetic, we're, we don't feel safe. We're going to sympathetic tone. So the sort of fight or flight and when we're in fight or flight We're not supposed to be having we can't we shouldn't be thinking about sex. We shouldn't be thinking about going to the bathroom We shouldn't be thinking about going to sleep all those things if you think about the biggest problems, you know Especially with men are they have a heart issue sleeping?
They have issues with erectile issues problems even young people, you know Very young. I give out more, Viagra to young, , people in their 20s. They have one bad [00:21:00] experience and they become self aware. They don't feel safe. So they're too anxious. So with psychedelics, we start to be less self aware.
We get out of ourselves. , when you get into parasympathetic tone, and that's where you just let go, you let go, you let go into sleep, we let go into sex, we let go, we allow it to happen, we let go into, being able to urinate properly, people are standing at the, have that pee shy, , some five people are around you and they're waiting behind you and Oh my God, , I've had it, I, I've had that, I've had that issue.
I have this thing I get into, you know how I get? I just start focusing on the the tiles and I figure out some technique right get out of my head and I let go into it. I'm just like there and I forget about everything around me. So I think and that's where psychedelics really get us out of this self awareness, that ego self awareness and just allow you to let go, let go, let go.
And when you start to let go, then you're just there not to just please myself also to please my partner, that also helps when my focus isn't just on me getting up, but actually, pleasing and getting my partner excited. It's so nice, [00:22:00] you're sharing. So it comes from not just something I'm receiving, but I'm sharing.
And I think that, especially with another, you know, woman when they'll feel that women are very intuitive. They know right away when your mind's on some one or something,
like, where are you?
where are you here? But when you can let go and just be present and, and then it'll just, the whole circuit will just improve so much that
Yeah.
we see a lot.
Yeah.
So let me ask you this because I think this might be a question that people would be wondering about is all of these shifts in these changes. Is this something that. only occurs when you're on the substance?
Is this something that lasts? Is this something where you have to come back to it every once in a while? How have you seen the impact of maybe going through an experience with a substance and what it does in the long term of a person's life?
Yeah, I mean, all of the above, but I think the more people do the work, so doing a psychedelic experience is not just about that. So it's not this is going to solve all your problems. It's a catalyst. It's a tool that we use [00:23:00] to help people open up and then to do other work. So the aftercare is just as important as the actual psychedelic experiences.
So what are you going to do afterwards? You know? So that's why I'm saying like doing. Also sometimes it might be couple's therapy if there's some issues you need to work out. So doing the psychedelic space and going into the couple's therapy with an openness, a greater openness on both sides could be incredibly valuable, so taking it out when you're doing the couple's therapy, sometimes it gets too intellectual too much, but when you let go, you start to empathize with your partner.
So instead of just thinking about what's good for me, what's good for my partner, I think it moves therapy forward there in incredible ways. So I think doing some therapy. So it's a couple therapy, sex therapy could really help with the psychedelics, spiritual work, meditation, breath work, all these other things can really, really help in that respect.
Yeah.
But sometimes people do need boosters of psychedelics. We forget, you know, we're humans and sometimes this thing is very strong and the wires are, although they might be loosened up, they're not [00:24:00] completely let go of. So sometimes we just do, we do need booster. We do need reminders from time to time. And that might be every few months or so.
I think it's great to, to do this and to remind ourselves from periodically.
Yeah. , and maybe we can explore a little bit of some of the considerations because maybe I'm just thinking. Someone listening a guy might be thinking this all sounds really great, but I don't really, I don't first of all, have access to, or really want to put a substance in my body.
How could they tap into some of the benefits or how could they have an experience alone or with their partner that creates some of this without perhaps, if that is even possible?
I think, there's spiritual wisdom. There's a lot of really amazing books, spiritual wisdom that helps me. Actually, my psychedelic experience started with studying spiritual wisdom after a patient of mine gave me a book, and I didn't grow up, religious or spiritual, but I got into it, and that was my real spiritual real psychedelic experience, the soul [00:25:00] manifesting, it allowed me to see life and see the world in a much more open way, so people have faith or things like that that could help a lot breath work, there's a holotropic breath work, so there's these techniques, breath techniques, that can bring you into a, , deep psychedelic type experience, but it should be done with a practitioner or at least taught with a practitioner.
So that could really, really help. I think sometimes just going out in nature and taking like a break, taking like a, if you have children at home, taking date nights. , where you're just together alone, or taking a week in a little like a one night vacation somewhere, in the country somewhere, and just to have this time to be in nature and just really spend time together.
Could be a psychedelic type experience where you just remove all the boundaries of yourself and just go into this, the place that can be very helpful and good for relationships and should be done regularly. So I think there's other ways of having a sort of what we call a psychedelic or soul manifesting experience without having to use a substance.
Not everyone has to use a substance. I think the substance is definitely , are a quick catalyst to it, but it's not for [00:26:00] everybody. And I think taking up meditation, doing yoga, certain amazing, there's different versions of yoga that are incredible
to get us out of the thinking, mind the overthinking mind.
As you're explaining this and in many ways, it's almost sounds like so much of this practice is about becoming really present in, in the world. in the moment and also removed from we just get so stuck in our heads all of the time and that so heavily impacts how we show up in relationships, heavily impacts what we're capable of doing when it comes to intimacy and sex we're just how it's get out of there.
And I don't mean that to talk shit on the brain, but
I think we depend on it too much. The brain is there to help us, , really is there for our survival to exist. To make sure we physically exist in this world and, sometimes we depend on it too much. And we go into these thoughts and the things we worry about.
If we added up all the things, if we wrote a, a fear journal, all the things we worry about, put [00:27:00] it in a journal, and we were, we think we're insane. What percentage of the things we worry about and we think about actually are valid or important or ever come true? 00001%, but yet we spend 99. 9 percent of our life.
Thinking about these things that are of no value to us when things happen and there's problems in our life We'll deal with them. We you know, and we can never foresee exactly what's gonna happen So we're gonna have to you know, go to our inner wisdom. We're gonna have to deal with it in some way, , so Yeah, I don't I think we have to get out of the like you said I think it's too much of thinking too much too much
I have found, in my own personal life and in witnessing changes in other people, how truly incredible medicine like this can be. Don't want to think that this conversation is about really trying to push the narrative of do this, do this. So when, when we look at considerations for perhaps what people should think about before making the choice to explore something [00:28:00] like this, what be it for themselves, for their relationship, for their sex life, what should someone think about or know perhaps?
You have to have intention. Yeah. I always see these things call you when you're ready for them. I don't know when people are pushed into them or, you know, you did, oh, I want to go do an ayahuasca journey. Oh, I think I heard it's a cool thing and my friend did it. They said you should do it.
I mean, it's a big deal to do those things. You really have to know what you're getting yourself into. And it's not easy. Most of the people, so in our center, we only treat people with mood disorders. Treatment resistant mood disorders. And I don't think those are diseases in and of themselves, not at all.
I think they're most of the people here have had difficult childhoods or some issue in the child that they can't let go of. And that sort of colors the way they see the world. So everything's sort of negative, so they stay in their emotions all the time because they never feel safe. And so what this does is it just allows us to move beyond that.
, so usually if there's a real big problem in people's Personal problem and you're not here to fix your partner. Remember that's very important So if you're going to go [00:29:00] into this thing, no one should ever get into a relationship thinking Okay, i'm going to fix the other person. We're not here to fix anybody but ourselves, and by fixing ourselves, of course other people will benefit but the biggest problem people make is, okay, I'm going to do this because my partner should do this because they're the problem.
And no, you want to fix it, you fix yourself, , so I think that's very important also that you're doing this to, to work on yourself and yeah, that's another thing. And to get into psychedelics, I've seen over 10, 000, of these infusions. Since we started with 10, 000. So it's a lot. You know, 2, 000 people come through the program, more than that, and I've never seen anyone get worse after these things.
They always change. Does it work on everybody? No. You have to want to change. So that's the, I guess that's the question is, you have to really want to let go and want to change yourself. And change is, you're also, there's a part of us that's perfect, not change, but become more of who we want to be.
So we consider what we look at in the mirror is very different than who we are, who that inner [00:30:00] being is. There's a beautiful part of ourselves that's perfect, that's wonderful. I think we come here to figure that out. You know, who are we? And some of those, we might have done some things that we regret in life, and sometimes we get to know ourselves through those negative things.
So we say, okay, I did this negative thing. If I was really that bad, it wouldn't bother me. And if this thing that I did is bad, is bothering me, then it's not who I am. So maybe I make a commitment, say, okay, that's not who I am. Okay, so I'm going to make a commitment not to do that again. And we learn about ourselves and what we want, who we want to be
through those situations and I don't think there's any mistakes. I don't think anyone makes any mistakes. That's something I've learned through psychedelics. I think there are life experiences to get to know that and to learn from those events. Their only mistake is if we don't learn from them and keep on doing the same thing over and over, then maybe it's a mistake.
But if we learn from them and grow from them, then it's definitely not a mistake. Yeah.
So in thinking about if someone does go through an experience like this, and we've talked a little bit about the integration, the aftercare, if they're in a partnership, what what [00:31:00] can they do either together or what do you have any advice for how a couple might be able to navigate if one or both of them are moving through?
Experience like this?
Know that everyone's going to grow in their own way and as, you go through these things, sometimes at the beginning it's hard, you're not going to have one psychedelic experience and it's all going to, it, it should be done sequentially, we do a series of six here, and I usually say you really don't get much out of it until about the third, until you really, it's a process of letting go.
But to know that everyone's going through their journey at different times in different ways, one might progress. faster than the other. So sometimes that could create some imbalance in the relationship. So to be patient with yourself, it's your journey and your experience and not to compare it to your partners.
And everyone has different issues, some in a relationship and that's the beauty of relationships. You're each bringing in different things. Some are stronger in certain respects and weaker in others. And the other one, you're not supposed to, you're supposed to be different.
And so you can balance each other out. So some people might have a psychedelic experience. It's the most amazing thing. And their partner had the worst experience of her [00:32:00] life. And it was like, Oh my God. And they're starting to see some really dark stuff and they feel bad. They feel bad about themselves.
Maybe this isn't working. And they still discouraged. So you don't want that to create a problem in the relationship where one's progressing and the other one's not, it's all good. And also sometimes you have to know that when people are going to progress through it in different states and different rates and have different things to work through and and the other partner, they should be sensitive to that.
And you have to share everything that comes up in that, and you want to share with you, but just know that it's your personal process, and once you start to work on your, you're there to work on yourself, you're not there to tell your partner what they should or should not be doing, experience, or, or how they, they should be responding better look how good I'm doing, and they're, oh my god, why aren't you doing no, it's their process, so you should be there for them, hold them, and not try and proselytize that because you had this great experience, you're now spiritually evolved, , you're going to go and tell the person, the other, your partner, what they should or should not be doing or, or feeling just to be there with them and to be empathetic for their process.
Yeah.
[00:33:00] Beautiful. Yeah. And I'm thinking too, in, in preparing for something like this also, are there any precautions or just some tips perhaps that you would even have for someone that might go through a process like this? Whether it's, even something simple, like carving out some time afterwards or taking a day off of work what are some things that are, that you found to be really helpful for people to have the best experience they can?
yeah, I think preparing before is important, I think at least a week before, sometimes I say there's a journey, once you can make a commitment to do something like this, you're the universe is what you're doing, I have to say. It's a little woo woo and spiritual, but you'll start to see the week before might be a little crazy.
You might be shown some things, and to fight with your kids, your wife, your spouse, some things will happen where you'll be shown almost some of the things you need to work on in the journey. I always find that happens to me when I've done this work. Also, so focus on those things, but don't bring anything unnecessarily negative into your consciousness the week before, at least.
Or from when you make a commitment to do this, watching negative things [00:34:00] on TV, news, you're, you want to bring, you want to focus on your own negative things. So when you go into those journeys, you don't want to like to start thinking about a horror movie you watched a couple of days
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So things will come up and they'll come up naturally. And that's not by mistake. And I think that's fine, but you don't want to go looking for things eating healthy before. Stay away from alcohol. That's a big one. So alcohol, any substance, it's best to come in clean.
So if you have a habit, if you use marijuana or alcohol or any other substance on a regular basis of course, if you're, you smoke, use nicotine or whatever it is, , you don't expect you to stop it, maybe cut down a bit, work on it. And actually psychedelics can be very helpful in coming off of those things.
That's a whole separate thing. But not drinking or not using substances and or marijuana a good 2 days before if that's available to you. Obviously, if you have an alcohol problem, you don't want to stop suddenly and go into withdrawal. So you have to work with your, , work on eating off of that.
But generally, it's good to come in. Clean to allow the psychedelic whatever it is to let it do its work. Not mix it with anything else[00:35:00]
Okay. Yeah, that's all really helpful to consider.
And I'm also curious of if you have a piece of advice for someone that might be curious about exploring this path a little bit deeper to deepen their relationships, their sex life, their connections. What that advice would be.
I think there's a lot of issues with porn addiction. It's always been there, but not to the extent that the availability of it, I don't think it's always healthy for relationship.
I talked to my clients about people come to me here for that specific purpose. So it does help get away from this, this, the need for that, like that sort of escape. People use it as an escape for when they're stressed or they're depressed, like they would marijuana or anything else.
So when we start to pull away from that and not use that as much, we can focus our sexual energy towards our partner. So I don't think that, I think that that pornography is, is, could be very detrimental when used alone for our own use. to a relationship. It just takes away our hunger, you know, and does things.
yeah, many months ago, we had a guest on that was specifically [00:36:00] worked with individuals that were suffering from porn usage that they were not happy about. And it was really interesting to talk with him about what is actually happening to your brain when you are consuming pornography.
And so , it's really interesting to think about what. A psychedelic substance could do just an understanding that changes that happen with the neuroplasticity in the brain under these substances that might change that kind of brain chemistry.
There's some great TED talks on this. Like I literally watched a TED talk and it's fascinating what it does to a brain. It's, it's quite dramatic and it takes a lot of time to get it. So it could help with that reprogramming of the brain because , it's been available now you have a whole generation of people who've grown up with it from a very young age.
And I'm not making people feel guilty for using it. It's not a matter of good or bad. Not at all. It's not a judgment thing or a moral thing. , it's just a, does it serve you and is it making us happier? Do we feel good afterwards? Do we feel better afterwards? Or do we feel worse?
And if we feel worse, I say the same thing about, smoking marijuana [00:37:00] or drinking excessively or any type of drug use. Is it serving you? And I think after, people do these psychedelic experiences. They realize they stopped drinking, even if it wasn't their intention.
They don't feel good. They, so they're able to bring themselves to that feeling afterwards. It's this is taking me away from who I really want to be. I'm feeling good right now. Why do I need to do this? So it's not, you don't stop doing it because it's good or bad. There's no shame in it.
You shouldn't feel shame. It just, in the end, you have to ask yourself, does it really serve you? And does it serve the relationship? Yeah.
Yeah. Incredible. Amazing. I'm so appreciative of you coming on and sharing, we haven't talked about psychedelics and the benefits and just the experience of them on this show yet.
So I'm really grateful that we were able to have you here today.
My pleasure. Thank you. Thank you very much for having me.
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