How To Navigate When Your Partner Rejects Your Sexual Advances

When your partner rejects your sexual advances…what do you do?

In this episode, Kirsten and special guest Dr. Viviana Cole discuss exactly what you can do in these situations and so much more. 

Dr. Viviana Cole is an intimacy expert and sex therapist and she provides valuable insights into how couples can better understand each other's needs and work towards a balanced intimacy dynamic. 

This is where you will learn actionable steps to address common challenges couples face, such as feeling unsupported or disconnected. Whether you are fresh in a new relationship wanting it to succeed, or you are at the point in your dynamic where you feel like you are about to give up…this episode is for you. 

Sneak Peek: There are 4 primary intimacy styles related to sex…and when you are able to understand your (and your partner's) styles a new level of sex will become possible. 

Key Topics:

00:33 Understanding Men's Intimacy Needs

02:03 The Four Intimacy Styles Explained

04:25 Addressing Intimacy Issues in Long-Term Relationships

06:17 Practical Steps to Reconnect Intimately

14:33 The Importance of Pillow Talk

27:31 Balancing Parenthood and Partnership

 

Connect with Dr. Viviana Cole

Take the 4 Intimacy Styles Quiz: https://doctorviviana.com/the-4-intimacy-styles/

https://www.instagram.com/doctorviviana/?hl=en

 

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION: https://www.thenakedconnection.com/question

 

Ready to totally transform your sex life?

Visit https://www.thenakedconnection.com/guide and get your FREE orgasmic breathwork practice guide.   

This guide is here to help you experience more power, sensitivity, aliveness, and pleasure in just 10 minutes.

 

Boost your next naked moment! 

Visit http://thenakedconnection.com/foria and try the Intimacy Massage Oil with CBD to intensify you and your partner’s arousal and pleasure.


Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] You want sex? And she doesn't. You go to say something flirty and it's met with silence. You playfully grabbed her ass and she shoots you down with a not right now. SWAT to both your hand and your ego. And this is not a fun place to be. And to be really honest, I have been. That girl myself in past relationships. 

And I will say this. No one is winning here. Which is why this episode is so important. We are about to walk through ways to have more sex, improve intimacy, and use your unique intimacy styles. Something we're about to uncover in this episode. Really to build more sexual experiences in connection moments with your partner. I have Dr. 

Vivianna Cole onto the show to break down the four intimacy styles and to share tools to really build the spark in your relationship. For over 20 years, Dr. Vivianna Cole has dedicated her career to helping [00:01:00] couples and individuals navigate emotional and physical intimacy challenges. And she really specializes in working with couples that are committed to being together for the longterm. And as a intimacy expert on the hit TV show, married at first sight for over six seasons. 

Now,

honestly, if anyone can help us build our intimacy skills. It's hard. So you guys. Let's get some. [00:02:00] 

Kirsten Trammell: Dr. Viviana Cole, welcome to The Naked Connection. Yes.

Dr. Viviana Cole: with you, Kirsten. And of course, talking all things, love, intimacy, connection. It's we never really know where it's going to go, but we know it's going to go somewhere. So we're good.

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. And, and in thinking about all of the places that we could go, that we want to go, for a guy that's listening to this, what would you want their main takeaway to be if they tune into this conversation? What's one thing that you are hoping that they receive?

, so for a lot of men, I think it's important for them to realize that. Someone like myself has worked [00:03:00] with countless men who want to feel wanted, who want to feel desired, who want their partner to share in the initiation of intimacy and in carrying the torch for their intimacy.

Dr. Viviana Cole: And a lot of them don't feel like they know how to impart that information to their partner, and they feel alone with it, or they feel emasculated. By having these needs that maybe society has always said Oh, yeah, that's not as important like you need to be the pursuer. You need to be chasing her, but in long term committed relationships, which is my specialty is helping the couples to stay in long term committed relationships that are happy, healthy, satisfying all the things having that knowledge and giving your female partner that knowledge that you need this and that that is not Something that is relegated to just wives or just women is really important and it gives them the opportunity to then as their partners reciprocate.

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, [00:04:00] I love that you brought that up so many men that I've spoken with or that I know listen to the show right in talking about They want to have sex and their partner doesn't and so they're stuck on their own and like this little island and they don't know what to do and there's All of these feelings and thoughts that come up about themselves, about their relationship.

Like where do we, where does a man go when they're stuck in that place?

Dr. Viviana Cole: So, in the Four Intimacy Styles, which is my book all about making sure to keep that long lasting physical connection, I talk about why we need sex, why we need intimacy in a way that I have found has helped a lot of couples Broach the topic in a way that isn't just I'm frustrated with you. You're not doing this right.

I need more. Or that feels, you know, even more threatening than that. I'm going to get a divorce. I'm going to cheat or I'm worried that you're going to cheat on me, all of those things. I put it in a way that allows for. And I want them to really see themselves in one or [00:05:00] maybe a little bit of all, which is the point of all of the four intimacy styles, which are bonding release, giving and responsive.

I want them to realize, look. If you have feelings that are similar to your partner's, or maybe you feel like, gosh, I don't really, uh, you know, that doesn't relate to me at all. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist and it doesn't mean that you can just push it aside. It's not like the five love languages where you can choose, Hey, this is how I, I receive love.

Please speak to me in this language. When it comes to intimacy, how you share it and how you want to receive it are often not the same thing. Just because you're willing to be more bonding or be more released. That doesn't mean that That's how you want to experience intimacy. So it's so important for these long term couples to go on.

They can take the quiz for free at four intimacy styles quiz. com in order to find out what percentage of each of the four they're at so that they can get to what my hope [00:06:00] is 25 percent of each or as close to possible so that they can have that long term. Long lasting physical intimacy, and more importantly, have the verbiage have the language to be able to talk about these things in a way that isn't scary or risky or feels threatening.

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. So many things there because I, there it can be hard to broach the topic and it seems like from, and everyone I've taken the quiz, it's amazing and really helpful. And it does give you that language to be able to have the dialogue in it. softer, more accessible way. 

Dr. Viviana Cole: Absolutely. I think for so many people when they finally do bring things up, it can feel like they're at the end of the rope. And that is a very scary place. I'm about to celebrate 17 years of marriage. And having those tough conversations when you're at the, you know, at kind of like a breaking point, I can tell you as a relationship and sex therapist in, in real life, this is what I do.

I have my private [00:07:00] practice here in Houston and I see couples from all over. I can tell you that that's the number one thing that I would say differentiates me from maybe someone else in a relationship is that my husband and I learned very early on, you have to address things. Very early on so that it doesn't feel like you're overcoming, you know, insurmountable weight of, of being at a breaking point in a relationship.

And I know I'm throwing a lot at you, but I've been, I've been talking about things all day with clients. So I'm really revved up for this. It was great timing. I will tell you for so many people, they, when they go to have these conversations. They almost feel it feels like they are creating almost like an ultimatum.

It's I need this. And if you don't give it to me, I just don't know what we're going to do. Well, the, I don't know what we're going to do for most people strikes a lot of fear. For me, it's Oh, well, there are resources out there. So you can, you can get the help that you need. This could [00:08:00] be a starting point, but that's not typically how their partner is going to hear it.

And so it's very important that if you're starting to feel like there's something lacking or you're feeling like there's a disconnect, which maybe a lot of people don't know enough about if they're starting to feel those things that they just voice that, Hey, something feels off. Something feels I feel like I don't really have your attention or I feel like maybe my head's been at work too much way more often than late than it should be.

So I don't know. I feel like for a lot of people just bringing it up and saying something it's off is a really good, helpful place to start.

Kirsten Trammell: yeah. And in, in order to dive deeper into these four different styles, cause I think it's, it's so important to understand what they are. Could you give a little breakdown briefly of what each of them is?

Dr. Viviana Cole: Of course. So with bonding, this is the people who in order to feel emotionally bonded, so emotionally connected to their partner, they do that through physical intimacy. For [00:09:00] the longest time, so many people would get judged because they're like, Well, my partner says that in order for her, usually it's a her to feel that she wants to have physical intimacy with me and wants to physically connect.

She needs to feel emotionally connected, but I don't feel that way. I feel like in order for me to get to that emotional place and feel like we're really, you know, bonding in that way, we need to have sex. And of course, sex can mean all sorts of things, right? But that's the sort of thing that I, I'm able to say that is valid.

It is valid to feel like you get from point A to B in different ways. And there is no right or wrong way, quote unquote. So that's bonding release. Those are the ones who have sex in order to feel. Release of tension, release of inhibitions. They feel desirable. They feel really ecstatic.

And they feel almost that euphoria, but mainly it's a very physical release. And [00:10:00] when they can attribute that release and those really good feelings, both internally and externally, they can feel like, Wow, you did this for me. Ah, I just love and really enjoy you. Uh, so being able to attribute those feelings, those release feelings to their partner is huge.

Giving, those are the ones who are like, I get so much pleasure, both emotionally and physically, from giving you pleasure. So anything you want, if you get, show me vulnerability and you tell me what you want, I am on cloud nine and I feel so connected to you when that happens. And then with responsive, this is, A lot like it looks a lot like when someone says, you know what?

I don't really ever think about sex on my own. Like I don't really have thoughts or if I do, they come in and out of my head. I don't really, you know, I'm able to quickly push them aside, but when my partner says, Hey, I'd like to have sex, it's Oh, okay, yeah, let's go. And. We have sex and it's Oh, this feels so good.

And this is so nice. And I'm so [00:11:00] glad that you initiated this. And then it's over. And literally, they go back to kind of this default of not really feeling sexual that they tend to be, I would say, the, uh, the most, uh, Troubled in their relationships because for them, it's look, I have no problem enjoying sex.

I have no problem enjoying it with you. It's just that I don't tend to really have a preference to be thinking about it or even looking for opportunities to experience it outside of being responsive to your needs. And what I'm calling for all couples to do in long term relationships is to be able to experience the rounding out of their intimacy style, which would include looking for, and trying to create 25 percent of each of those so that you feel like you're getting all of it and you're giving all of it.

So then you don't have to worry that your needs aren't being met or that your partner's needs aren't being met for the long run. And I mean, [00:12:00] it's just a very kind of logical, rational, I, I've been working with clients for over 20 years. So it just, Works and I'm like, here you go. This is what you need to do.

Kirsten Trammell: for breaking those down. In looking at this topic. We started with of, in a couple, the man feeling like he has this desire and being met almost in many instances with projection or denial of what he's asking and wanting and wanting to connect. When I took the quiz, I was mostly bonding and responding.

So, and it was interesting because in my personal experience, I recognize I've been in dynamics like that before. So I'm like, I understand the other side of it. And I've learned so much about myself and about partnership. through better understanding where a man is in this dynamic, which has helped me a lot.

But I'm curious of looking at these four styles and knowing the goal and the desire is to have kind of all 25 percent in each of them. Looking at [00:13:00] that scenario, like how can we support one another to move in more into these other styles?

Dr. Viviana Cole: Yeah, I love that question, and I don't get it often. It's the understanding. Understanding what it is that your partner is going through will then allow you to be able to hopefully be empathetic and say, Oh, so that's why they need this.

It's not just whatever, right? It's not just what, whatever, fill in the blankets. Typically, it's not just that they're horny all the time. It's not just that they're hard up. It's not just that they're trying to exert control over me. It's not just that they're using like a bargaining chip. It's it's so much more than that.

And we're so much deeper and more complex than just I want an ejaculation or I want an orgasm. It's so much more. And for a lot of couples, they've really kind of diminished the entire sexual experience down to you want an orgasm. You don't want to give it to yourself. So here I am. And unfortunately [00:14:00] when you get to that place, then the, the sacred part, the, the really the connection, the intimacy is really And it's very difficult to be in a long term satisfying relationship where there is emotional connection without the physical and vice versa.

They're both very important, but there's a lot of information about their app when it comes to emotional connection and just not as much practical information when it comes to the physical.

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. So it sounds like almost. In a partnership, asking the question of what does sex mean to you, or what do you see from sex, what do you find what does sex bring to you, to us, In the dynamic.

Dr. Viviana Cole: Why is sex important to you is a question that can bring so much clarity. I mean, of course it can bring a whole lot of other questions to go with it too, especially when you're listening to their responses, but it just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen very often, even in long term relationships, the, what does sex mean to you?

And this quiz allows you to get to [00:15:00] that place very quickly, fortunately. And again, it's free go to foreign intimacy styles, quiz. com. But the other part of it that I really like. That it brings up is this idea that there's no judgment. You know, when it comes to why you want sex, there isn't a judgment, especially when you're looking at it in terms of the four intimacy styles.

It's very difficult for your partner to say, well, that's not important because Hey, if you read the chapters in the book, you're going to see, yes, it's like a really valid thing and. At the end of every chapter describing the different styles, I say, if you're the partner of somebody who's bonding, this is what you need to know.

I like spell it out for them because I really want them to feel like they're coming away with not just an understanding, but an appreciation, which is very different than just understanding.

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. And so I guess thinking about for if someone's in a relationship with someone who's primary style right now, is that responsive? What should they do? What is that [00:16:00] action for them?

Dr. Viviana Cole: Well, there's a way to encourage responsive people to become less responsive and more bonding, giving and release. Again, we're not putting so much pressure on them to just not quote unquote speak that language because that's not possible. That's not the goal, right? We're not going to say, well, don't do that because they're all very useful.

But. And valid, but it's to say, Hey, could you do a little bit more of this? Could you share with me what feels good? Could you share with me maybe a couple of days down the road, what you enjoyed about it that way? It doesn't feel like it's I'm only with you sexually when we're having sex. Kirsten, this is like a topic that I am enamored with, which is this idea of, pillow talk.

Pillow talk is my term and I talk about it in terms of not the traditional pillow talk, but what happens outside of the bedroom, outside of the sex acts in order for couples to feel like they are really [00:17:00] supporting and nourishing an underlying current of sensuality between them. And so then it makes sense to have sex.

It makes sense to have more, playfulness, more exploration, all of that, because what's happening in a lot of partners rooms and a lot of couples rooms is that they're dipping in and out of the sexual space. And it's very uncomfortable for at least one, if not both of them, they feel like there's supposed to be some sort of on and off switch.

They're going from cold, cold, cold to hot, hot, hot. And most people don't experience the true pleasure and the bonding experience of sex when that happens. We're going from cold to hot. It feels yes, now we know why sex is important, but the frequency isn't there, or I don't enjoy initiating, or my partner doesn't initiate.

What is, what could be missing? What's missing is the pillow talk.

Kirsten Trammell: It makes me think about this like hot, cold on off and how can we bring it. Sensuality, intimacy, sexuality, beyond just [00:18:00] those few moments of what we classically define as that into our relationship and our life. And

Dr. Viviana Cole: and I'll be spelling it out for you. It's very action oriented. The idea that there are There are actually four different ways of doing this and and like I've been telling you, each of the four intimacy styles are very valid and deserve a spot at the table. But when it comes to pillow talk, there is one way that trumps all the rest.

And if, and if you're, uh, maybe guilty of, of being at the bottom of the ladder, I feel for you, but there's help and you need to be aware of it in order to move up.

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. I, this is making me think last year I went to Burning Man and I went to A talk that was put on about intimacy and relationships, and it was this couple. And one of the things the man said was he was like, I make love to the world. He's I make love when I'm vacuuming, I'm making love when I'm cooking, I'm making love.

And he's like, I just [00:19:00] find that when I am in this place, in this mindset of really making love with my life, that our sex is so much better. And I we'll never forget it because he was like pretending like he was vacuuming and I just my mind was like this is so true

Dr. Viviana Cole: Well, and so many women are really struggling with the idea of, okay, now's not the time like, ah, this is an intrusive sexual thought men are typically so much better at entertaining the thoughts, even if they do or don't have a visceral or physical response of arousal to it. They don't tend to want to be like.

No, no, no, I can't think about this. I can't fantasize right now that they tend to be like, okay, and it's gone, you know, and then move on and maybe they have eight to or 80 more of those thoughts in the day. But I think that we women are not socialized to think that way and to allow those sexy thoughts in unless we're either solo pleasuring or with a partner.

And that's the part that I think. A lot of [00:20:00] women could learn something from men and that's allowing those thoughts to come in or creating more space for those thoughts without feeling guilty, without feeling like we're doing something wrong or it's inappropriate.

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, that's a really good point Okay. So now that we understand a little bit more about these styles and how to bring them more to life What would you say for a couple that is? Maybe they're in a place where they've gotten so far away from one another and they've gotten so out of touch with maybe they're having sex like once a month, maybe not at all.

Like how do you bring that? How do you even start? How do you rekindle that spark or that flame or the connection? I

Dr. Viviana Cole: So that's my, that's my specialty. So I actually have an online course for couples who are like, uh, we don't know what to do. And we're not going to see a therapist about this. But let me tell you about it because again, this came from at that point, having worked with [00:21:00] clients for over 10 years on this specific issue. This is very spelled out. It will tell you what to do, what not to do when it comes to emotional and physical connection 

and it builds on, it builds on themselves every week. So you're, you're starting off with very little. When it comes to physical connection, you're doing meaning based off of maybe the timeline that you're on to go from having sex, like you said, once a month, or even some couples are having regular sex, but it's not intimacy.

It's literally just sex. So bringing them back to a place where they're more intentional with the way that they embrace. They're more intentional with a kiss, you know, and so on and so forth. That allows for them to feel like they're moving forward, but they also don't feel like everything is just out of habit.

I don't know how many couples, you know, that kiss on a daily basis. Let's hope lots. Okay. But when you ask them very specifically, Hey, what are those kisses look like? It's [00:22:00] usually a peck if anything. And it's usually like that obligatory obligatory hello and goodbye kiss. Or even a good night kiss, but it's always like a peck and so even just bringing back a three to six second embrace or a three to six second kiss like that when it's intentional can go a really long way.

So even though we're starting from a place of, you know, very minimal, it still has a big impact.

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, bringing the make out back, you know,

Dr. Viviana Cole: Oh, yes. Did you see my makeout challenge on Instagram? I'm like, come on guys. Let's do a makeout challenge this week. 10 minutes. Nothing else. You're just going to do that.

Kirsten Trammell: My

Dr. Viviana Cole: People loved it.

Kirsten Trammell: Like we're in high school again. Well, yeah, and that makes me think in an understanding that that is that that can be the direction that people go. The couples go with, you know, these obligatory kisses where there's not really A deep, deeper connection and inviting more [00:23:00] sexual exchanges throughout the day or just intimate exchanges.

I know that for some people, any form of a kiss or a touch or, uh, like a sexual text could instantly put them in a thought of, Oh, this means we have to have sex now.

Dr. Viviana Cole: Yeah, you're so right. This is what pillow talk is all about it's because so many people feel like Oh, if he touches me this way or if she makes this joke, it's almost like that equals initiation. And when that happens, if you're like, well, I don't feel like having sex right now or right now is not a good time, then they just start avoiding doing any of that. To wear a hug full body where you're pressed up against each other is Oh, I'm going to avoid doing that. Or a kiss that lasts longer than a peck.

I'm going to avoid doing that. I'm going to avoid having him see me naked when I get out of the shower. I'm going to have her avoid, you know, I'm I'm gonna I don't want her to see my morning erection because that's going to feel like pressure to her. There's so [00:24:00] much that starts to feel like it's off limits, and before you know it, that's when you feel like you're roommates.

That's when you feel like having sex is awkward. That's when you feel like you can't even watch a movie that has a sex scene because it's like, Oh my gosh, we are so in our heads about this. And this is a very real, real thing for so many couples, and I can't wait to help them.

Kirsten Trammell: yeah, yeah. Those are so many really good examples of how that can show up. And. Yeah, and I think so much of it is understanding where the other person's coming from understanding, okay, well, this person's reading this and interpreting it to mean they want to have, I want to have sex with them every minute, and then on the flip side, oh, this person's probably feeling really rejected a lot.

Dr. Viviana Cole: Yep. And that rejection can start to feel very hurtful. Now some people out there might be thinking, but what if my partner is initiating like every single day? Well, they can't, if you're in a monogamous relationship, which most people are still have that expectation of [00:25:00] monogamy, then they can't get this need met by anyone else.

Not even themselves. I talk about how it can be very insulting and hurtful and even offensive to tell somebody who's You know, a bonding style such as yourself Oh, look, you could just go masturbate. Come on, leave me be.

Kirsten Trammell: hmm.

Dr. Viviana Cole: is a rejection to the nth degree. And it, that can be very hurtful. So be, being able to say, I know that you want this.

And I know that you want this right now. And I know that you asked me yesterday, and I know I'm going to tell, you know, again today, but tomorrow I'm going to put it on the calendar for myself. And I'm going to make sure that I'm in the right headspace and let's meet after we put the kids to bed. Let's do this. can go a long way. Is it maybe their ideal? No, but they can deal with that. They can handle that. It's the no, no, no, no, no. I know. Or, or worse than that. It's the non verbal. It's the taking your sleeping medication [00:26:00] or putting on your head gear or, you know, it's like the okay, well, good night. I'm going to go, you know, like it's the nonverbal rejection that really exacerbates things over time.

And it's, so I always tell people, look, unless your partner is asking you every hour to have sex. Try to avoid rejecting them more than twice in a row. And I feel like long term that tends to work out well for people. You are two different people. You have two different things going on in your brains and in your minds, and it's so important for you to be able to say, okay, I've already rejected them twice.

Let me see what I can do to get myself in a sexier head space. Or to be more open and respe and receptive to an advance or maybe. I'll surprise them and initiate tomorrow.

Kirsten Trammell: Mm hmm. Mm

Dr. Viviana Cole: I just think it's important to have all of these things addressed again, if you want to be in a long term relationship, because I truly believe that we can experience the highest highs in relationships of this life.

Kirsten Trammell: hmm. So [00:27:00] beautiful. And, and you mentioned this piece about putting the kids to sleep. And I remember reading in your book, you brought up kind of how I'm probably going to butcher this, but if I remember it was something about how we have so much love that we can give basically in a day. And that so often when we have children that Or families, a lot of that is going to all of these other places.

And then we're left with just a tiny little bit, if anything, for our partner. And especially in these long term relationships, maybe there's families, maybe they have newborns. If, I mean, I don't have children, so I don't know what that's but it feels like just an impossible dynamic to navigate.

Dr. Viviana Cole: So it's not impossible, but we've made it that way by putting so much pressure on ourselves and putting pressure on moms to mom so hard that they have to wait until they feel like some of the energy is being like gifted back to them, quote unquote, in order to be a wife again. And it's not fair. It's not fair for us, and it's not [00:28:00] fair for society to put that on us.

We have to stay in touch with why we decided to possibly, you know, if you were able to decide why we chose to expand our family with our partner, it came from that partnership. It came from that desire to, you know, enhance things. But the key is that you're enhancing your partnership. It's not replacing it or substituting it.

And when that starts to happen, something's going to give, and it is very difficult to come back from that. If your partner starts to feel like. Or if you feel like your partner is more of a dependent now and you see them as a, you know, a child, or if you see, and I say, see, I'm saying you, but I'm talking specifically about moms.

Or if you feel like, well, my kids need me. My partner doesn't need me. Yes. But your marriage needs you. And you chose to be married. Your kids are going to revel. I see adult children all the time who have, who say, Oh my gosh, I never once saw [00:29:00] my parents kiss. I never once saw them hug. So I know now having a partner who's like always wanting to hug me and kiss me and who's very affectionate with the kids it's this is, this seems like a lot.

I didn't see that. I didn't see that. Or I only saw my parents. Fight or but I never saw them resolve it. It's the same kind of thing where you're going to role model for your kids what you think is healthy. And if you if you are struggling in your own relationship with sexuality and intimacy and affection, guess what?

Your kids are very likely going to have that too. So if you don't want that, then Really hold on to that, that strength and nurture your marital relationship or your, you know, whatever kind of partnership you have for the kids, not in spite of the kids and not, you know, at the detriment to the kids, you know,

Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. It's really beautiful to share how to almost kind of reframe the experience so that you're it's [00:30:00] looking at expanding your relationship. And also, not only are you helping the romantic relationship, you have your partner, but also It's beautiful. Supporting your children as they grow up too.

Dr. Viviana Cole: you really are. I'm telling you, there are studies that prove it. I see it all the time. There are so many things that parents can be doing that will improve their marriage and improve their relationship with their kids, especially because, relatively speaking, our kids are under our wings for a short amount of time.

And so after that, you know, What do we do? This is where empty nest syndrome comes in. This is where feeling like roommates. This is where feeling sexually estranged comes in and a lot of insecurities come in. So I would say your relationship really can't afford for you to take a break from being a spouse or being a partner.

Kirsten Trammell: Amazing. Okay. I could probably ask you so many more questions about so many things because you are such a you have so much experience and knowledge and insight and [00:31:00] I'm, so happy that our community got to hear from you today and everyone Please go take the intimacy styles quiz because it's really really helpful And I think it would be a really beautiful way for if you're in a relationship To do it together perhaps and then have that conversation You What are you?

What am I? What do we want to change? What do we want to expand in? What a great way to have an intimate conversation about intimacy. 

Well, thank you so much, Dr. Viviana, for coming on this show and for sharing everything that you have learned along the way. I appreciate it.

Dr. Viviana Cole: Thanks so much.

 [00:32:00] 

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