Semen Retention & Amplifying Your Orgasm
Do you want to orgasm when you want, how you want…without having to ejaculate?
In this episode, Taylor Johnson, a sexologist and men's sex coach, unpacks the misconceptions about ejaculation, the importance of breaking away from conditioned beliefs about sexual pleasure, and how you can break through the blocks holding you back from full-body orgasms.
Taylor and Kirsten explore different sexual techniques and practices to achieve more satisfaction and pleasure. This conversation is about what you are doing during sex and, equally, everything you are doing outside of sex. Whether you want to experience more pleasure during sex, or are looking for ways to conenct with your partner better during sex, this episode is for you.
Key Topics:
The issues with NFAP and what you should consider instead.
Identifying your ideal ejaculatory frequency for overall well-being and health.
Using a self-pleasure practice to amplify your entire life.
5 Common blocks that are holding men back from experiencing pleasure in sex.
Addressing the myth of blue balls when you don’t ejaculate.
Connect with Taylor Johnson
https://www.instagram.com/taylorclarkjohnson/?hl=en
https://www.taylorjohnson.life/
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Visit https://www.thenakedconnection.com/guide and get your FREE orgasmic breathwork practice guide.
This guide is here to help you experience more power, sensitivity, aliveness, and pleasure in just 10 minutes.
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Visit thenakedconnection.com/foria and try the Intimacy Massage Oil with CBD to intensify you and your partner’s arousal and pleasure.
Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] You guys. Have you ever orgasm and. At a moment when you really didn't want to. I mean, when you look back at it, you think to yourself, Like no. That is not what I wanted to do. I didn't want to do that right now. That was not the plan. Well, in this episode, we are going to break down exactly how to control your orgasm, how to separate a Jackie elation from orgasm practice, semen retention, and do. All of this. While amplifying your pleasure. And actually we're going to explore how to use your sexual energy. To really amplify your entire life.
And I truly mean that because if you are looking for more energy in your career to really be more creative in the world, to have more focus on your purpose, you can actually use your sexual energy to do this. It's it's truly. So it's like the ultimate [00:01:00] secret bio-hacking tool to get more out of life. And in order to do that, I had to bring on Taylor Clark Johnson. He's a sexologist. Who's here to break down the common blocks that are holding you back from experiencing more pleasure in sacks.
And Taylor's going to share how to last, as long as you want, how to separate a from orgasm and really what all of this means for your experience of sacks and. Uh, I cannot wait to share this because he opens up about some self-pleasure practices to really enhance your sexuality that are so, so epic.
I cannot wait. You guys. Let's get after it.
Kirsten Trammell: Taylor Johnson, welcome to The Naked Connection.
Taylor Johnson: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me here. I'm excited to get into everything we're going to explore today.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, I am really excited for us to talk [00:02:00] about ejaculation
Taylor Johnson: Hey.
Kirsten Trammell: yeah the first thing that I was like, where can we start? Where are we going to go with this topic? I know in all of your expertise in your work, I'm sure that people come in with certain thoughts or ideas about ejaculation and just sex in general.
Like what have you found to be the biggest misconception in this space? Yeah
Taylor Johnson: yeah. Ejaculation is such a rich topic and most guys have done many of them had many ejaculations and I'd say like one of the biggest shifts in my own life. And that ties into the biggest misconception piece is that ejaculation is something that should always happen by default in every sexual experience, and that it's the measure of success in a sexual experience for all bodies, for all genders, like a lot of women, when they have sex with a man, there have been programs to believe that, oh, if the man ejaculates, then it's good.
And if he doesn't [00:03:00] ejaculate, then therefore somehow it's my fault. And I'm not a good enough lover or the sessions. Not a good session or something went wrong, you know, so rewiring that and creating space for the possibility that there might be something else out there that is actually more pleasurable and can be more orgasmically, like on the scale of zero to 100, it could be like a 300, you know, and it can develop more connection and intimacy and trust and neuroticism and all that, just opening the mind to the possibility that something else is out there.
is a huge paradigm shift that, that I would say falls into the healing from the misconception category.
Kirsten Trammell: and I'm like, what else is out there?
Taylor Johnson: reptiles, conspiracy, all kinds of crazy shit. What else is out there? Insects. Yes. I mean, so much more is out there. So I'll just, I'll give a personal story example. When I [00:04:00] think of my most favorite, impactful, pleasurable, connective, sexual experiences. Most of them happened after in sex, I made the conscious decision either to delay ejaculation or say, no, I'm not going to ejaculate in this experience.
So for example, sex, pleasure is rising, things are heating up, and then my body has the natural urge to want to ejaculate. And I could do that. You know, but if I choose to pause and take a breath and say, no, I'm to hold off and wait and actually open the door to other possibilities, then my body and my brain and my sexual response system realizes, Hey, ejaculation isn't the goal here.
And then all of a sudden a whole new hallway opens up with a lot of different doors that you could go down. You know, and non ejaculatory orgasm is one of those pathways. Yes. But even without that, you can have an amazing sexual experience, even without orgasm. That might be a reach for some [00:05:00] people.
And I recognize it would be a reach for my younger self. And if somebody were to come to my 25 year old self and say that I would probably tell him to fuck off because I thought that ejaculation was the point of sex. You know, I used to think that. And so I'll pause there and see how all that lands for you.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, this is so interesting because I think as a woman that doesn't ejaculate or have an orgasm, every single time from having sex, there's so much pleasure that still lives inside of that. And so flipping that for. men or people with penises and thinking about that is also available.
And I just think of, I can only think of my own personal experiences really about how there have been times when I've been with someone and the man chooses not to, like consciously makes the choice not to have an orgasm and I'll think to myself it's my fault or this was bad or whatever have you.
So I'm, I became really aware of the immediate thoughts that come up that we associate with this goal of [00:06:00] Orgasming this goal of ejaculation and sex.
Taylor Johnson: I don't want to really shame that. I mean, it makes sense that we all have that. And biologically speaking, that's ultimately one of the biggest goals of sex, right? You ejaculate, you procreate. Boom. You've solved your, you know, the species biggest dilemma. It's like you've achieved the ultimate goal. You know, so that biology lives within us and that's okay.
And also we're in a societal context where pretty much all of porn and most movies and TV shows and any depiction of sex, it's really a shortened version of sex that has been designed to be as stimulating as possible. It has been designed to fit in a very small window of time. So the arc of first kiss to orgasm and being over is very short.
And all of that programs, our brains and sexual response systems as well. To orient towards sex in a certain way.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: So we're swimming upstream. You could say
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. But we're swimming towards more options and possibilities, it sounds yeah. [00:07:00] Yeah. And I know just in talking with men and like them knowing that we have this show and that I work in this space, a lot of the times I've been asked the question of what is my opinion or perspective or guidance on separating ejaculation from orgasm.
And I wonder what, like, where do you go with that?
Taylor Johnson: Yeah. I'm happy to give my answer. I'm also like super curious if you could give me a one minute version of your answer. What do you tell people about that?
Kirsten Trammell: Truly, honestly, that is not something that I am, , specialized in or have studied deeply. So usually I refer them to someone else like you. Yeah that's the 10 second answer to what I share. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: Totally fair. And that makes sense. I would, it would be hard if I had never experienced it myself. With a penis, like it would be very hard for me to understand and figure out how to articulate it to another person who has not experienced that. So yeah, I totally get that. [00:08:00] I just want to say too, like clarification.
I love ejaculatory orgasms. Also. I think they're great. I support them. I think people should have them. And there's a lot of people out there in the world that you might've heard of nofap or semen retention. There's people who are just like, never ejaculate. It's bad. It'll kill your life force. You should withhold for hundreds of days.
I think that's a very. unhealthy extremist viewpoint on things, I subscribe to the philosophy of the beliefs that each guy has an ideal ejaculation frequency. It's ideal for his age. It's ideal for his lifestyle. It's ideal for where he is in the context of his life. Is he on vacation? Is he working really hard?
Is it winter? Is it summer? All these kinds of things. And it can really only be figured out by a man doing his own self experimentation to have an ejaculation and notice how it impacts his life, his relationships, his sexual arousal, his sexual motivation, his success in life in general, his business motivation, his desire to go to the gym and just get stuff done.
And if [00:09:00] a guy experiments with that for a month and a half or so, he'll usually find that there's a sweet spot. And if he can stick to that frequency, then he can experience ejaculatory orgasms on a semi regular basis and still feel like a fully optimized version of himself, which is counter to what I believe a lot of guys are doing and what I was doing, which is ejaculating too often for what is optimal for their overall wellbeing and health. You know, and as I say that there'll be some people who will say where's the science? Where's the science to back that up? There isn't any there isn't any right now to my knowledge There are no peer reviewed studies that share anything about that But what I would share is from my own personal experience and from traditions that go back Thousands of years and from the experience of thousands of other guys I've worked with there really is something to It's not just up in the head, you know, and there are certain scientific things we can reference that would support it theoretically, [00:10:00] but there isn't a direct, you know, just to be totally transparent.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. No, I appreciate that. It sounds like we're gonna have to find some researchers
Taylor Johnson: Yeah. Please, if you're listening to this please do this research or find me some funding of a few million dollars to fund a study, because I'd love to do that.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. And I mean, thinking through it and I'm like my logical mind of understanding that, you know, there's nutrients, there's so much energy. in semen and in ejaculate that it would that to me makes sense as to why if you were releasing that every day or moving the energy to do that every day, you're kind of losing you're literally losing something. Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: possibly. I say possibly because there's a lot of different philosophies around this. I don't necessarily believe that it's the loss of nutrients that causes the depletion effect, because it's a very small amount of nutrients that's lost in [00:11:00] semen and sperm. I think it's more the neurochemical hormone dump that happens after ejaculatory orgasm. Like you release.
your semen, you release your sperm, and then your brain says, you have succeeded. Like I mentioned earlier, boom, you have procreated job. Well done success for you. You can take a nap. Now you don't have to go out and use ingenuity or creativity or sparks of inspiration to find a mate. You can rest because you just succeeded.
Therefore rest for a little while. And it's not just. the 20 minutes after you have an ejaculatory orgasm. Any guy knows that his day is different after he has had an ejaculatory orgasm. And if he really pays attention, he'll start to notice that the days following an ejaculatory orgasm are a little bit different too.
And yes, most guys can go out and accomplish all the manual labor they want. that time period, but there's a certain level of ingenuity and spark [00:12:00] and creativity and motivation that isn't quite there in the same way, you know, the sort of inventiveness, the sort of spark of life that gives zest to things like that's not quite as sparkly in the time period afterwards, and it takes some sensitivity and some keen awareness to really start to notice that.
But most guys, if you pay attention, they will.
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Kirsten Trammell: Interesting. This this actually just made me think I had I had Annie Lala on the show a while ago for anyone that listens to that episode. And she talked about we have these mating calls, like going on into the world and just like being in your element and showing up in that way to attract partners.
And it seems kind of aligned in what you're saying of if you have ejaculated you don't feel the need to go out and ruffle your feathers so to say or like you show up all sparkly and bold Because [00:14:00] the yeah, the result of that is already been reached
Taylor Johnson: Totally. I mean, what man do you know that has an ejaculatory orgasm? And then 20 minutes later, he's totally motivated to go back to work. It's on, it's uncommon
Kirsten Trammell: yeah cool So it sounds like really using this as a powerful tool in your life Not just in your sex life
Taylor Johnson: totally. Yeah. I recognize a lot of what I'm talking about right now is really about the lifestyle of, I would call it an integrative sexual mastery lifestyle. If you want to use those words, Recognize they can sound a little markety to some people, but when I use the word master, I really mean somebody who's committed to the practice of practicing their art form, you know, and I think most guys don't realize the impact that their sexual decisions can have on the rest of their life, whether they're.
Rubbing one out at the end of the day to relieve tension or meditating instead, right? Whether they're masturbating to porn [00:15:00] regularly or taking time to reflect on their life and cultivate something else that they really want Like all these things show up in much more than just the sexual experience They show up when you're having a conversation with your partner when you're about to have sex with your partner When you're at work with your family with your friendships It all creates a sort of field that you're living within and operating within that impacts everything And it does impact sex too.
And I do want to get back eventually to the non ejaculatory orgasm topic. But I feel like it, it almost does a disservice to men to really just talk about the sexual technique without acknowledging that it actually is a lifestyle practice and it impacts all areas of life. I just think it's really important to name that.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. I love that you mentioned that. In my own life, you know, as a woman, I have implemented a lot of tantric practices and they are very essential and sexual in nature, but it has completely changed not just my sex life, but my life. [00:16:00] overall really powerfully. So I totally am like, agree with what you're saying, and I'm glad you mentioned that too.
And for me, I think it makes life way more beautiful. Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: a hundred percent, absolutely.
Kirsten Trammell: Okay. So let's go back to, let's say someone's listening to this and they're like, I really like the idea of having all of this additional energy, creativity. What do I do? Like where does someone begin?
Taylor Johnson: That's a great question. That's a great question. Being honest with yourself, taking an inventory, looking at your sexual habits, looking at your lifestyle, looking at your diet, looking at your exercise levels, looking at how you masturbate, that can be a great starting point. Like a great way to start to rewire some of these programs and to create something new is to create new healthy masturbation habits.
And I like to call it a self pleasure practice. And you're probably no stranger to [00:17:00] this. I guess if you're listening to this podcast, you've probably heard of this before. But just to say it again, because it's so important and we've all practiced it the other way. And when I say we all, I mean most men have practiced it the other way so much.
And that other way being just a quick couple minutes, like hand goes up and down really quickly. You don't move your body. You don't make sounds. You don't breathe deeply. You're saying this sort of like weird sort of isolated from movement stasis while your hand goes up and down. And then you have this short ejaculatory orgasm and then a release.
And then you go on that is not lovemaking, right? And if that's the only way you masturbate, that's how you're training your sexual response system to interact with. a sexual arousal process and curve. So that's going to impact how you have sex with other people. It's also going to impact your overall energy levels and your overall ability to experience more pleasure in your masturbation session and to leave your masturbation session feeling more [00:18:00] recharged.
Alternate example, say you took 20 minutes to have an intentional self pleasure session. Say during that time you moved your whole body, and you made sounds, and you breathed deeply, and you came up close to the point of ejaculation, and you came back down, and you treated it like an actual lovemaking experience.
Even if you did have an ejaculatory orgasm at the end of that time period, your system would have had a chance to rest and relax into the aroused state. And that does something really cool with the body and the nervous system where it sort of like anchors sexual pleasure into your cells and into your bones in a way that, that persists and exists beyond the ejaculatory orgasm.
And it's, there's a recharging aspect to it, an energizing aspect to it. And yeah, I'll pause there.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah, I just, this question just came up for me, of, because when I think about a self pleasure practice and like making love to yourself,
[00:19:00] And I think about it for myself in such a feminine way, and I'm curious of what does that look like for a man, or like how does a man practice loving himself?
And Part of my question of that is I notice in a lot of the work that I do or the men that I talk to, there's an absence of that, just in general of self compassion and self love, and it's always work hard and this and that, and very structured, and how would you explore that for a man?
Taylor Johnson: Yeah I'll say, actually, just for the sake of the conversation and going into the nuance of all this stuff, I'm wondering if you could just share a little bit when you say, it feels very feminine to me to do this sort of self pleasure thing what does that mean to you?
There's a level of softness to it from and I mean, this is just because I'm only living in my experience, but yeah, there's like a softness in it and [00:20:00] like it just feels very light and Right? I guess I would say, is like the feeling that comes up for me or like when I'm moving through that process for myself, that's what I'm exploring and feeling into.
Taylor Johnson: Got it.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: makes sense. And that's definitely not what I'm saying all guys should be doing.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: And there are lots of different ways to masturbate, you know, that is one way to masturbate. That's one way to self pleasure that can be really life giving. And it does have that sort of nurturing kind of like soft, slow, , angelic possibly experience that feels really nice. There are other ways to do it. And so for example, like I encourage guys to get into their wild animalistic fucking mentality, , while they're self pleasuring, like roll around on the bed, make noise, like bite the sheets, bite the pillow, grab shit , move your hips thrust while you're doing it and really get into that [00:21:00] wild primal aspect of yourself and see what happens when you do that don't do that all the time, because if we do any one thing all the time Yeah.
Yeah. That limits the realm of everything else we can experience. But yeah, try that and then possibly try another softer session sometime and then possibly try something where you're biting your arm or you're, you know, here's another fun thing to try, like actually go into the self pleasure practice as a sort of energetic visualization session too.
So what I mean by that is not going into fantasy of Oh, I'm fucking this person and they're so hot, but going into. a visualized practice of making love with another person. And while you're doing that, moving your body as well and breathing deeply and possibly working on moving and circulating your sexual energy with theirs and with yourself, that can be a really powerful thing to do.
Also, there's a lot of different options there. And I find that most [00:22:00] guys really do need to cultivate a couple of different styles of self pleasure. Yes. The animalistic, yes. The soft stuff, you know, yes. The visualization but it's again, not just any one thing is going to work perfectly for everybody, but I'm definitely not saying everyone needs to light some candles and put on some India and slowly touch themselves three times a week. Definitely not saying that
Kirsten Trammell: Oh my goodness, I thank you so much for sharing all those examples. I'm like, oh, these are fantastic ideas for anybody. Yeah. And I love the exploration of adding in that variety and that sounds, what you're describing so different than in the beginning of like just the one, two, three, knowing what I'm doing, going through the motions, like it's more of a journey with yourself.
Which is really fun.
Taylor Johnson: Yeah. And so like people who have a vagina, it's like you can get a dildo and you can mount it on something and you can fuck it. It's a wild abandon, you know, if you have a penis, you can do that too, actually in the butt with yourself, [00:23:00] or you can get a flashlight or something that, you know, is designed to be a vagina that you can mount under your pillow or hold down and you can fuck that too.
I think that's a really amazing and valid tool. And a lot of people, it's an interesting sort of yeah. Switch or dichotomy. There are a lot of people think, Oh yeah, dildos, vibrators for women. That's awesome. And super empowered, you know, great. But when it comes to the opposite for guys, they're like, Oh, that's gross.
That's disgusting. It's, I don't know if you've encountered that, but a lot of people have that perspective, which is very interesting to me. And I'm not going to go into my theories around why or anything like that. But what I would say is that I think having, using some tool like a flashlight can be a really.
Great experience to have more pleasure and then also to treat self pleasure and masturbation more like an actual lovemaking experience, you know, you can have your hands free and be having sex with it and rock your hips in certain positions that you'd never be able to do if you were just using your hand.
And it's a great opportunity to [00:24:00] practice.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah, and I'm like you made me think of a Thinking about the dildos and butt plugs and things like that for men how I mean I've had a couple of conversations about this because it does seem like a little bit of a touchy subject. So I would like, do you have any insight on, let's say, if someone was curious about that or like where to start?
Taylor Johnson: it's another great question. It's funny. I don't know if you're going to use this video or not, but I have a butt toy right next to me right now on
Kirsten Trammell: Perfect.
Taylor Johnson: A company has sent me a couple of them to review and yeah, I've got a whole box of sex toys at different companies and sent me over time.
And I recognize, yeah we're going down this pathway of the root right now, which is great and important to talk about and where to start. Gosh, I mean, a finger. In the shower when you know you're [00:25:00] clean, but before I even go there, I'll just, I just want to set the stage and say I recognize that anal pleasure, you know, touch, , penetration for most heterosexual guys is accompanied with a monumental amount of fear and disgust response and pushing away and shame.
There's a lot of societal baggage. Oh, if you do that, it's going to mean you're gay and you're bad or you're a sissy or you're all this kind of stuff or you're feminine or anything like that. And those stories are incredibly limiting. They're incredibly limiting. It's if someone were to say to somebody, Hey, by the way, you should live your entire life and have fun, but never eat ice cream, never eat ice cream.
Cause that'll turn you gay. You never eat ice cream. Cause that'll like. Make you a sissy or whatever just to say like when I say that I'll turn you gay I'm not saying that as if it's a bad thing. That's just the fear of a lot of heterosexual men Lots of gay friends totally, you know [00:26:00] celebrate their life as well.
But that is the specific fear, you know And it's tragic to me It's tragic to me because if you're a guy and you have never received a blowjob while somebody is stimulating your prostate internally, like you are missing out on one of the most pleasurable experiences you could possibly have.
And to miss out on that simply because you have a belief system that tells you it's weird, like that's a loss. That's a tragic loss in my Belief in my perspective,
Kirsten Trammell: You're not living yet. No. Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: you're missing out on something pretty big. I gotta say that's like the cheat code. You know, a lot of guys want to know the cheat code to have a full body orgasm, not even talking about the non ejaculatory orgasm, but really the cheat code to that is experiencing prostate stimulation while you have an ejaculatory orgasm.
It's amazing. It's amazing.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. It's unfortunate that it seems like these things get coupled together. Like we're talking about coupling or decoupling ejaculation and [00:27:00] orgasm and also looking at Like anal penetration means that you have a certain sexual orientation and like those all, it's just really interesting how we end up here with these things in life.
Taylor Johnson: It is. It is. Yeah. And why do we even need to have a sex podcast, you know? Because most of us got shit for sex education when we were growing up. And we live in a society that has really unhealthy views about sex. So people need to have healthy conversations to talk about it. But the context is all messed up, in my
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. I would actually love to ask. I think it's always interesting how we get into the space of working in sexuality, and I'm curious how you became a sexologist and then sex coach, like what sparked this for you?
Taylor Johnson: A deep personal struggle in the area of sex. That's basically it. And then eventually a [00:28:00] commitment to myself to figure it out. But yeah, I used to struggle tremendously with premature ejaculation, I used to be addicted to porn, I used to have porn induced erectile dysfunction, I used to be a totally sexually anxious, I went through a period of avoiding women completely because I was afraid of being the guy that would ejaculate too quickly with them, and so it was safer to just not even talk to somebody I was attracted to, and it really destroyed my identity as a man, I felt shitty about it, I was always Jealous of other people that said they were having these long, amazing sexual experiences.
And I thought, surely you're just lying, you know? And eventually I reached a point of it's like a breaking point. Like I have to know what it's like to have a good sexual experience. Like I have to figure that out. So I spent a lot of money, took a lot of workshops, retreats, trainings. Books, every article I could find, started practicing things, started to experience success in the sexual realm, started to notice that success actually helped me in the business realms, helped me make more money.
And I realized, wow, there's really something to this stuff. There's a [00:29:00] reason why people wrote books around these practices, like they work, you know? And then eventually it became more exciting for me and more meaningful to talk about this than it did my previous career. And I realized eventually with the encouragement of some friends that I should start a blog and I should start a YouTube channel and I did.
And then I took more courses to get certified and things. And then, yeah, here I am today and I love talking about it. And ultimately I want to be somebody that can be there to support other guys from the position of knowing what it's like to actually really struggle with most things. Insects in a big way.
And then having overcome those myself, like it's so useful to have somebody to talk to who gets it, who can say, here are the practices you need to do, here are the things you need to stop doing a
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Like you've kind of lived both ends of the spectrum, it sounds yeah. Thanks for sharing that. And it's so interesting. And, in a lot of the research, I'm in grad school to be a therapist and I do a [00:30:00] lot of research and looking at the stats of the number of men that experience premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, like it's really high.
And I. Don't think a lot of people address it or want to talk about it. It's also secret So I appreciate you sharing kind of where you started in this and that there is Hope for anyone that does have those moments or those experiences as well and it's possible to get out of that.
Taylor Johnson: hundred percent. It's interesting to you. I run group courses a couple of times a year on this topic and. One of the most transformational experiences for a lot of men is when we're in the group calls and we're all together in a room and having one other guy say, Hey, I'm experiencing this problem. And I ejaculated too early with my wife or whoever.
And now I feel ashamed of it. Now she's mad at me. And then eight other guys are like, Oh, I had that same thing happen. I'm not alone. Whoa. And then there's this [00:31:00] weight that gets lifted, you know, cause most guys don't talk about this. And if you're a guy and you're experiencing sexual challenges and you don't talk about it, it's just stuffing it down.
And when you stuff things down, you're telling your nervous system that, Oh, it's better to stuff things down and sexual energy, sexual arousal falls into the category of stuff too. Like your nervous system doesn't discern between emotions and arousal. It's just Oh, better to stuff things down in general.
You know,
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Interesting. Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: I believe that to be true.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. What would you say and just thinking about sexuality in general, like what are some of the biggest blocks that you see come up for men and pleasure?
Taylor Johnson: Some of the biggest blocks I see that men experience with pleasure. One of them is porn. And what I mean by that is if a man has watched a lot of porn. and [00:32:00] masturbated to porn a lot, then he's kind of programmed himself with a certain set of patterns, like consciousness patterns, belief patterns, sexual arousal patterns, that will limit the full scope of the things he's able to experience in sex.
And it will make him focus on certain things in sex that he wouldn't focus on otherwise had porn not kind of programmed his brain to do those things. And it kind of reinforces the whole ejaculation thing that I talked about. Like most of porn the end of the video is the ejaculation, right?
That's that's the goal. You want to get to that part. Most, a lot of guys just skip ahead to the ejaculation in porn,
Which is just think about that for a second. , if you're listening to this, think about the impact of that on the sexual belief system, et cetera, et cetera. So that's number one, like just take a break from porn for a little while and see what it does to your pleasure.
Some guys I've talked to so many guys where this has happened. They're experiencing trouble getting aroused. They're not finding their partner as attractive anymore. They're experiencing less pleasure in sex. And I [00:33:00] ask him, all right tell me about your porn habits. What are you watching? How often are you watching it?
And they're like you know, occasionally, okay maybe two times, maybe three, maybe every other day, you know, I mean, masturbating to it a couple times a week, and I say, all right, no shame, and try not doing that for a month, and notice what happens to your connection with your partner, notice what happens to your sexual arousal levels, almost always, all that stuff improves. So that's a block, number one. Number two is the anal piece that I talked about, and I think I covered that enough, so I won't go into that anymore here. Number three is not really understanding the power of breath in the sexual experience, not only to help delay and Delay ejaculation and integrate sexual pleasure.
Not only to delay ejaculation, but also to integrate sexual pleasure into your entire body and spread the orgasmic sensations up into your chest, into your back, into your [00:34:00] belly, into your fingertips to access these sort of expanded alternate states of consciousness that are possible in the sexual experience. Breath is incredibly powerful for that. So for practical technique that I tell all guys to do is when they start being sexual. When you even start kissing and you think it's going to go that direction, start breathing really deeply through your nose and making a practice out of it, like full inhale, full exhale, do it at least 20 or 30 times, like an actual breathwork practice and notice what happens to your system, you will be different.
You'll be at a different state of consciousness. Your arousal will feel different in your body. Even if we take a breath right now together, and I'm going to do it just cause I just talked a lot. Yeah. Even with that one breath, I noticed that there's more [00:35:00] spaciousness in my system. There's more freedom. There's more ease. And when you have more spaciousness and freedom and ease and the sexual experience, that is what allows orgasmic pleasure to spread through more of your body. And we'll open the doors to things like the non ejaculatory orgasm and the full body ejaculatory orgasm.
And when you feel like your arms are coming, you know,
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah.
Taylor Johnson: and I'll stop at number four for now, but one of the fourth blocks is blocking of the heart and the inability to, and the fear of opening your heart and your emotions to actually be able to deeply connect with the person who you're sharing intimacy with.
That's a huge way a lot of guys block pleasure. And when that, I'll call it a channel, even though I know that's like a word that some people have issue with like energetic channels, whatever, like when the heart channel is open when your [00:36:00] emotions are available, when you're there in vulnerability with your partner, when that links up with sexual pleasure, that can be incredibly beautiful and connective and orgasmic and pleasurable in many ways.
And a lot of guys are just closed there. I, and I was, I'm not here saying like from the top of the mountain, looking down, like you all need to fix yourself. It's no, I was this way. It took me until my late twenties to even be able to tell people close to me. I loved them because I was so blocked in intimacy, you know, like that's a little window into my life.
So I had to do some serious work around this. And when I opened that up and then when I was actually able to experience tears of joy while love making with my partner. That's some fucking pleasurable connection right there. It's magical, you know, and not just in this, I want to say also, it's not in the sort of like soft, angelic, hundred candle lit, like You know, super that kind of vibe [00:37:00] lovemaking session.
It's no, maybe we just fucked wild for a little bit. And then we pause, we're breathing, we're looking to each other as eyes. And then, holy shit, there's this magnificence of the connection and this beautiful human looking back at you. That's chosen to open literally their bodies you and you're inside them or they're inside you.
And it's just this incredibly beautiful thing. If you really stop to think about it. And if you're really open. To the significance of that moment, how could you not be moved to tears? You know, it's magical. those are four ways men really block themselves from pleasure in sex. And I have done all of those.
I have done work to overcome them. I will say it's worth putting in the work.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's so much in that. One of the things that came up for me in thinking about like the heart piece and I guess the breath as well is thinking about the difference between making love and fucking and ravishing somebody. And I kind of think about. Like the, like the [00:38:00] ravishment of someone is like the combination of the two, like you're making love, but there's this fucking that's coming from your heart, and the beauty that lives in being able to experience that.
One of, it was interesting, I in studying Tantra, there's I'm curious if you've heard this before or what your thoughts are on it of how men and women are kind of like batteries and we have these positive and negative charges inside of us and for women that positive charges in the heart, the negative charges in the sexual center, and then it's reversed for the men.
So the practice of. Using your breath and as a woman breathing out of your heart into the man's heart and then inhaling and the man is exhaling out of his cock into the woman's pussy and circulating breath that way is a practice to open both hearts and also bring both sexual centers like, fully aroused and online and also connecting the breath together, yeah. Yeah. It's a cool practice if anyone wants to give it a go.
Taylor Johnson: a beautiful practice. I don't know if you [00:39:00] saw this on my Instagram, but I posted a video of that very practice with my partner and I overlaid it with actual visualization of energy moving around those orbits and kind of clearly articulated how to do that practice. It's kind cool you brought that up.
I think it's a great practice and I wanted to create a visual. Depiction of it so people could actually see. So yeah, go to my Instagram and check that out. It's like a 15 second video. It's worth your time.
Kirsten Trammell: Amazing. I love that. Yeah. I am. I'm reading this book right now called Tantric Sex for Men, and that was one of the practices that's in it. And I just think it's really, that's amazing that you shared that. So yeah. And another thing I find with breath is, like pulling the energy up and in, like inhaling up and into your body instead of down and out as well for men.
But is there any other breath practices that are specific that you like to recommend for someone? Cause I know that can be really overwhelming if they're stepping into something for the first time of trying to shift things when we're [00:40:00] really locked in a certain way.
Taylor Johnson: Yeah. I mean, there's so many different breath practices you could try. And I would say that I could give 10 and I don't think it would necessarily be useful, you know, like I'd say at first just start with the deep breathing and really it sounds simple, but it's. Very challenging to keep up a deep breathing practice throughout the entire lovemaking experience.
Most guys, when they get more aroused and closer to the point of ejaculation, their breath speeds up and their breath becomes more shallow and that creates more tension in the body and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that pushes them towards ejaculation and premature ejaculation a lot of the time.
So if you can stay ahead of that by consciously breathing deeply through your nose throughout the sexual experience. that will just do wonders. It'll do wonders for you. And yeah, there are other techniques, of course, like you can look up again, next to that video that I mentioned also on my Instagram is a diagram of the [00:41:00] microcosmic orbit, which comes from the Taoist system.
And that is essentially, it's a map of an orbit around your body that you can use as a circuit to breathe and disperse sexual energy through. Spread out from your genitals through the rest of your body. And so some people say you can breathe up on an inhale and visualize sexual energy moving up your spine and going down your Front some people say you can breathe up going up the front of your body and back down your spine Some people say you can breathe in Going down the front of your body and up the spine and like every combination of that you could imagine And I encourage guys to try all of them and see what works best
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate that. It's like we have this giant playground to explore in our bodies and like with another person and there's so much out there that's available to, to connect it. Okay. So you said that I just want to wrap the common blocks were horn, anal, breath [00:42:00] and having a closed heart.
Taylor Johnson: If I could add a fifth addendum on there, it would just be to say that number five is never having practiced improving their sex lives or trying to build their sexual capacity in some way, you know, like that's a huge block of pleasure for most people. And if you think about it in the context of everything else that happens in this world, It doesn't really make sense.
Like you want to learn how to play the guitar really well. You practice, you take lessons. You want to become good at jujitsu? You don't just watch YouTube videos. You actually have to go to the gym and do the things and get your ass kicked. Now in the sexual context, you don't have to get your ass kicked, but it's just like any of those other things that you have to put in the work.
And when you do that, it becomes so much more amazing.
Kirsten Trammell: And it's, I think even thinking you know, for women, like when we're self pleasuring, it's like trying different positions, moving around, like doing different things in order to, not become desensitized or to become more sensitive, I suppose, [00:43:00] to what's available. Yeah And I actually was just reading about this concept of habituation and how if we do the same things over and over again We're in the same environment Your brain will automatically push out what it's used to So adding in the variety and the difference It's really important in that as well.
Taylor Johnson: I know I want to, I think now is a good time to circle back around to the orgasm without ejaculation piece in the sense that I want to say if you're listening to this episode right now, and you're just like waiting for us to get to that piece and you're like, come on, just tell me how to do that one thing like I get that desire.
And that is also part of the thing that keeps guys from being able to experience it like that yearning for it's kind of an interesting head fuck right everything we've talked about in this episode so far, I would say. You know, with the exception of you don't have to experience anal penetration to be able to have a non ejaculatory orgasm, but it's very helpful.
Everything we've talked [00:44:00] about, breath, conscious ejaculation, like choosing to delay, choosing to be present in sex, choosing to open your heart, choosing to go deep, all that stuff is a prerequisite. In my opinion to even being able to begin to open the door of a non ejaculatory orgasm, at least in the way I'm talking about it, like on the one hand, you have this sort of like body hacked version of a non ejaculatory orgasm, which is to get yourself right up to the point of an ejaculation and then squeeze your pelvic floor really hard.
And then you interrupt the process and then you experience some of the waves of an orgasm, but you don't actually ejaculate. That's hard to get right. A lot of guys think they do it, but they're actually having a retrograde ejaculation and their semen goes up into their bladder and they lose their erection.
And guys, I think when they do that maybe I'll say 98 percent of guys, when they do that, they're putting stagnation into their system because they're interrupting the natural process of ejaculation, right? And [00:45:00] so this is the same basic idea and technique that Montauk Chia used to teach, which was the million dollar point, which is just to.
If you feel like you're about to ejaculate, just cram your fingers up into your perineum and you can stop it. They actually don't teach that anymore and they advise against it because it can build up stagnation. So that's on the one hand, the other hand that I'm talking about, it's it's almost it is an entirely different realm of sexual pleasure, right?
On the ejaculation focused orgasm, you have the scale of zero to 100, where 95 is kind of the point of no return, where you start ejaculating. Right next to that, there's another scale, and I like to use the example or the analogy that they're both escalators, right? The ejaculation one just goes up one floor, but if you jump over to the other escalator and you decouple ejaculation from the experience of sexual pleasure and arousal, you can just keep going up and up on the escalator to more and more pleasure.[00:46:00]
And it's hard to do because there's a lot of reprogramming that needs to happen and it takes time, but it's totally doable. And it's, again, it's very worth it. And also one other piece that keeps a lot of guys from being able to experience a non ejaculatory orgasm is they're looking to sex for a release and they're not approaching sex from.
We'll call it like a balanced place. And you can have a balanced internal energetic while also being highly aroused. But most guys will come into sex feeling super pressurized Oh, I need to get off. I need to ejaculate and relieve this pressure. And that is going to keep you. It's going to keep a man in that ejaculation focused paradigm of sex.
I don't know if that kind of makes sense. So to put it another way, like if a man has sex, and is able to [00:47:00] stop having sex with his partner without ejaculating and feel totally satisfied,
Then his body will realize that ejaculation isn't the goal. And like we said at the beginning, then all these other kinds of doors will open.
The key to being able to go through sex and be satisfied without ejaculation is to do enough of integrative practice and exercise during the day. that you burn off some of that charge and you learn how to integrate it into the rest of your system. And it's not just isolated in your genitals needing to be released.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this might be a silly question in regards to this, is that like this concept of blue balls and what happens if you don't ejaculate? And I'm not gonna ask is that a real thing? But I'm curious about what you say when people ask about that part of it.
Taylor Johnson: Yeah. Yeah. It's a very real thing. And it actually has a scientific name for anyone who doubts its existence. Epididymal hypertension is what it's [00:48:00] called. Interestingly, people with vaginas can also experience a form of this. Years ago, I asked on my Instagram, Hey, are there any people out there?
I use the word women. Are there any women out there who experience what they would call blue balls, like what they've heard of from men. And I was expecting maybe one or two responses. And it was this whole list of women talking about how they've experienced. Yeah. But things like pain in their lower abdomen stagnation, all this kind of stuff.
And it was fascinating to. Fascinating to read but in people like myself, like blue balls is a very real thing. And I'll say, I've only had that experience a couple of times in the past many years. And I'm able to identify why it happened clearly. And I made a video about it. When it did happen for me, and I actually figured out how to get rid of it without ejaculating, which is a very cool discovery. But what I would say is I regularly have sex with my partner without ejaculating, and we're both [00:49:00] very satisfied. And what that does is it makes the times when I do ejaculate with her that much more special and pleasurable of an experience for both of us.
Kirsten Trammell: I love hearing that. Yeah. And, I'll have to go spend some time on your Instagram exploring all of your videos and amazing information that you have about ejaculation and all of the microcosmic orbit and all of these things. But I would love to ask as we come to a close here, if there's anything that you We're like, we must know this or that we didn't address that you really wanted to touch on.
I also would love to ask where people can find you and work with you because I know that would be really powerful to have you as a coach and mentor.
Taylor Johnson: Yeah. Thank you for the question. And I'll say you can just look up Taylor Johnson, sex coach on Google. I should pop up. Also Taylor Clark Johnson on Instagram. You could find me there and thanks for putting all that in the show [00:50:00] notes. And is there anything else? Gosh. It's just so rich. It's just so rich. Like I would just really encourage you, whoever you are as a listener. I'd really encourage you to just do something. Exploratory and intentional with your sex life. Like maybe it's looking at my videos. Maybe it's reading somebody else's book but do something, try something, experiment, practice, do something to try to feel more pleasure or push your edges or whatever, because it's such a rich area to explore.
And it opens up so many beautiful things. And I just think the world would be a better place if more people would explore. Their sexuality and would explore their pleasure and would explore what it means to be a human in a body.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. That is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. I often have this thought in my mind about what would the world be like if everyone was having the best sex of their life. And I [00:51:00] think it'd be a pretty awesome place.
Taylor Johnson: It would be so different. It would be so different. Yeah. And I guess the last thing I'll say is if there's anybody still listening at this point who is still thinking that, Oh that's going to make me like doing all this stuff is going to make me lose my masculinity or anything like that. It just won't it just doesn't, you know, it just doesn't, I don't know how else to say it. It just doesn't end. All your future partners will thank you for doing this work and your current partner will probably thank you as well. Cause there's so few men who actually put intentionality into their sex life that if you become one of those men, you're already like a better lover than most other guys that are out there.
So thank you for being that guy.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I feel like most women or whoever your partner would be would also love that and see the benefit of that. And not only feel like you didn't lose your masculinity, but probably gained a lot of it along the way. [00:52:00] So yeah.
Taylor Johnson: Totally. A hundred percent.
Kirsten Trammell: Taylor, thank you so much for coming on today and joining the community.
I know everyone listening has loved this and will all have to stay connected to you. And I know you have a men's group coming up too in February. So anyone listening, be sure to go check that out and join him there.
Taylor Johnson: February 8, the orgasmic mastery course, 10 week journey for men. It's going to be awesome. Thanks for mentioning that.
Kirsten Trammell: Yeah. Amazing. Thanks for coming on and we'll have to have you back again another time.
Taylor Johnson: Please do. Thanks for having me. Hope you have a beautiful rest of your day.
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